


Matching Wavelengths

by allofthatblood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:44:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2089296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthatblood/pseuds/allofthatblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coffee shop au set in present time. Sirius, James, and Lily, friends since childhood, manage and own a coffee shop together. Remus is just the high school kid who wanders in every afternoon, catching Sirius' eye. This is the story of how empathy, understanding, responsibility, and a lifetime of similarity easily trump an age gap, and of how romance may not fix the broken, but the friend you find in a partner sure will help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to preface this by saying that this is my first shot at a chaptered wolfstar fic as well as my first attempt at using ao3. Obviously, this fic is going to contain an age gap. Both characters are above the age of consent for the setting of the fic, but it's still considerable, so if this is going to be a squick for anyone, you should probably turn away now. In addition, several characters in this story either have gone through or are going through situations where their home life was/is, um, not too great? In addition, one character does have major depression, which will be mentioned several times. If any of this is going to be triggering to you, I suggest finding something else to read. If you would, however, like to stick around, thank you and enjoy!

Sirius is just about to nod off when he hears a crash from the back room.

The faint glow of the sun over the buildings across the street was shining in the windows just so, and it was perfectly quiet except for the faint drip of the coffee maker behind him and the hum of the refrigerator in the back, and Tuesdays just make him tired in general...

But he jolts awake at the sound of metal hitting the floor.

"Christ, are you okay?" he calls as he rounds the corner. James is bending over picking up small pieces of the new espresso machine that just came today. Sirius sees a spring still rolling across the concrete floor. He whistles in appreciation of James' stupidity. "Lily's going to kill you."

"Thanks for the moral support and all though. Quite helpful. Could you grab that bit that just rolled under the shelf there?"

Sirius makes a face at the prospect of getting dust on his torn black jeans, but eventually lowers himself to the ground and reaches under the wooden shelf. His long hair curtains to the ground behind him as he stretches forward to reach it. "You're lucky this one isn't glass."

"Lucky? It's still broken. For God's sake, what is this?" he asks, and Sirius turns to look at the golden metal bit in his hand. It's got three openings and two little holes for screws. He can't even begin to imagine what it's for.

"You're screwed," Sirius concludes, straightening up now that he's got the bolt in his hand. He's never seen a bolt come off of something like that before. It can't be a good sign.

"I'll just tell her you did it," James says, dusting his hands off on his jeans as he drops a greasy rubber thing into the box. "Think that part was oily. Is that no good?"

"Should I be ordering a new one?"

"Christ," James says. He stands up and peers down into the box for a long moment and then sighs heavily. "I have to go call her."

"That's it, mate. Chin up. You can take a week without sex."

"It's just a stupid coffee maker."

"Yeah, you broke the most expensive coffee maker you could've broken. Tough luck."

"Oh, for-- don't you have something you should be doing? What time is it? Shouldn't Moony be coming soon?"

Sirius digs his hands into his apron pockets. "Shut up. Maybe. Don't call him that."

"I'd call him by his name if you actually knew it," James jokes. He lifts the espresso machine box onto the overcrowded desk. That was probably why it fell in the first place, Sirius thinks, but if he says something he might have to be the one to clean it, and he'd really rather not.

"He always looks like he doesn't want to be bothered," Sirius says.

"Maybe he's just uncomfortably trying to avoid the way you stare at him non-stop."

"I do not!"

"Someone's in denial," James says, reaching into his pocket for his iPhone. Sirius watches as he flips through his contacts but says nothing more. So he has a crush on the kid. He's cute. He doesn't understand why it has to be a thing, but James makes everything he can into a thing. Sirius does not like having his life be made into a thing.

"Yeah, hey," James says a bit too sweetly. "I have something to tell you."

Sirius would really rather not hear Lily scream. Even over the phone it's quite an unpleasant display. He pushes the back room door open just in time to see the kid's figure pass by the window, and Sirius' heart thuds oddly in his chest and he wonders, not for the first time, why he finds this teenage hipster so attractive. The kid wears chukkas, for God's sake. The bells over the shop door jingle as it's pushed open.

"Same as always?" Sirius asks with a friendly smile, and he receives an answering smile that suggests a strong sensation of discomfort, so he sets to work on the iced coffee. He assumes this kid is coming from secondary school, based on the messenger bag and stack of books. He's wearing the dumb shirt today, the one that inspired his nickname, with the three wolves howling at the moon. Sirius is so sick of ironic t-shirts, but he really can't complain about the way the fabric hugs his lean body. Plus it's not the t-shirt's fault that James teases Sirius incessantly about his "Moony eyes." And then there's the faded skinny jeans and the boat shoes, and really, Sirius' ability to hold a grudge isn't that strong willed, even when his dignity is on the line.

"Like that shirt," he says, adding syrup to the plastic cup in his hand.

Honey-colored eyes stare blankly at him for a moment before a grin splits the kid's face, and he laughs softly, low and smooth. Sirius feels arousal pooling in his stomach. "Thanks. I thought it was kind of funny."

"Funny?" Sirius asks, flicking an eyebrow up as he pours dark roast coffee over the ice in the cup.

"Well, my name's Remus Lupin," he explains. "So you know."

"Quite a sense of humor your parents must have," Sirius jokes, pressing a lid on and sliding the cup across the counter.

"You'd be surprised," he remarks dryly, pulling a fiver from a worn leather wallet and handing it to Sirius. The color and life that had so subtly spread through his features is gone now, like a window rolling up between them.

Sirius eyes him (Remus, he thinks, and the name sounds so wonderful just because it is his and he finally knows it, and Sirius thinks he may as well just cut off his balls at this point because is he a grown man or a teenage girl?) for a moment before turning to the register. He's never sure where the line is between teenagers whining about how their parents suck and teenagers actually having abusive parents. Remus owns Sperrys and expensive clothing, but Sirius grew up learning that money does not equal love and acceptance.

"Um," Remus says, and as Sirius refocuses, he realizes that he's been staring at Remus' wavy golden hair. He's so fucked, he thinks for a minute, and Remus looks very confused. "There's... no more straws in the thing," he says, and Sirius smiles apologetically almost on instinct.

"Sorry about that," he says, rooting around under the counter for a new box. He hands one to Remus with a smile before stepping around to the other side of the counter to refill the container. When he glances back over, Remus is giving him a not-quite-unpleasant strange look, and he feels his stomach warm in response.

"So yours are into astronomy then?" Remus asks.

"Yeah, it's ah, it's a rather awful family tradition," Sirius says, crushing the box flat to toss it in the trash. "My father's name was Orion, and so they--" He turns to Remus, brows furrowed, watching suspiciously as Remus smiles pleasantly "Wait, how did you--"

"Know your name?" Remus asks. "Well, mostly because you're wearing a name tag."

Sirius looks down and laughs, dragging a hand over his face. "So I am," he says, and he's never embarrassed easily, but he feels a little dumb now. "Well, Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you. I'm Sirius Black," he says, holding his hand out, and Remus shakes it with a bit of a quirky grin on his face.

"You too," Remus says. "Thanks for the compliment. And the coffee," he adds, heading for the door. "I'll be back tomorrow for my daily fix,"

"I'll be eagerly awaiting your arrival," Sirius jokes, and he hopes to god he is not imaging that blush, and the bells above the door tingle in time with Remus' sweet laugh as he steps outside into the warm early fall air.

When Sirius pushes the door to the back room open, James is sitting on the floor with his legs folded beneath him, hunched over with his head in his hands.

"You look happy," Sirius comments.

"She's so firey," James says. "Why did I used to think that was a good thing?"

"You are quite mad."

"I've got limits. She acted like she wasn't that angry, so now I've got to live in fear."

"You're downright paranoid, mate."

"She does things, Sirius. I love her but she's evil."

"Speaking of evil," Sirius says, leaning coolly against the wall. "You're not allowed to call him Moony anymore."

"Why?"

"I found out his name."

"You talked to him?"

"Yeah. It's Remus."

"Christ," James says, laughing. "Remus. Like Romulus and Remus?"

"Just like."

"Moony. It's perfect!"

"Oh for God's sake."

"It's like fate."

"It's like you're an arsehole who probably isn't getting laid for another solid week because he knocked an expensive piece of equipment over like an ignorant clutz."

"You know you could just ask him out if you're so jealous of my sex life."

"No offense to you or Lils, but I'd rather be celibate than shag her."

"True tragedy, that is. Well, at least my wife is of age."

"He might be," Sirius defends. "Anyway, like you've never found a teenager attractive. He's hot, is all, coming in here with those dumb hipster clothes and that stupid lovely hair. And that nose--"

"Oh, shut up. His nose is the size of Australia."

"His nose is cute. But. That's entirely beside the point. He's hot. It's not like I want to marry him."

"Give it time," James says, hauling himself to his feet. "That's how my obsession with Lily started out."

"Kill me if it ever gets that far," Sirius says, but then he wonders how long it'll take for that soft voice and those maple brown eyes to tear away at his sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! In terms of updates, I do have a few chapters of this fic ready, but I'm not nearly through with it, and I do have a pretty busy life. I'll probably post on my tumblr (same url as my username here) when this fic updates; the post will be tagged wolfstar and probably the name of this fic as well, so it won't be too hard to find. Again, thanks for reading, and feedback is most sincerely appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite James' assurance that Lily wasn't angry, she's mad when she calls him that night after he and James close up, telling him that he should've been watching James to make sure he wasn't doing anything dumb, like it's his job to babysit her git of a husband, and then asking him not to bother coming in the next morning because she can handle it herself if he's going to be like this, and he has no idea how he's being, but he does get to sleep in the next morning.

It's around noon when he finally decides he should probably go in anyway, because even though it's a Saturday and there's no morning rush of people grabbing coffee before work, it's cruel to make Lily endure the whole day alone. He pulls up in front of the shop on his motorbike around one to find Lily wiping down the windows.

"For Christ's sake," he says to himself as he shoves his key into his pocket. He loves Lily, he really does, and she's like a sister to him and all, but sometimes she's just a little too much like him for comfort. Now, for instance, when she's illustrating what a stubborn moron she is by ignoring explicit instructions to not perform physical labor. Her pregnant stomach bumps against the glass as she reaches above her head to wipe the dust away; James would have a coronary if he saw.

The bells above the door jingle as he pushes it open and she beams at him. He is, as usual, confused by her mood swings and unpredictability and goes with his usual tactic of pretending she didn't distribute death threats to him in the recent past.

"'Lo," she says happily, pulling him into a one armed hug. She's not that big yet, but Sirius feels like he can notice it more and more each time he sees her. He tries not to act like it, but he thinks he may be more excited than James.

"Give me that," he says admonishingly, taking the Windex and paper towels from her hand. "You can't do stuff like that with little Sirius Jr. in your tummy."

"Don't make me puke," she says, but she's smiling. "Want some coffee? Maybe a latte?"

He looks over the top of her head and sees the espresso maker sitting in place of the old one on the counter, good as new.

"What did you do?" he asks.

"Fixed it. You two are hopeless, you know. It wasn't that hard."

"I'm sure," he says, brushing past her to put the Windex with the cleaning supplies in the back.

"I wasn't done," she calls after him, but he is saved from the pain of wiping down the windows when the bell above the door jingles again and she's distracted.

The desk in the back room has been straightened up now, which he would normally see as a glorious miracle, but Lily does not clean unless she's upset. He makes a face at the organized paperwork as he hangs his coat on the hook on the wall.

Back in the front of the store, Lily is sliding a cup of coffee across the counter towards an elderly man. She smiles brightly at him as she hands him his change.

"Enjoy your day," she says sweetly.

"You're never that nice to me," Sirius says, leaning against the counter.

"Shut up," she says, shoving his side. "You never deserve it."

He snorts. "I always deserve it, baby," he answers, pulling her close.

"You're disgusting," she answers, shoving his arms away. "And speaking of which, James told me you met someone yesterday."

"Christ, does all of London know that, God forbid, I had a conversation with a customer?"

"You like him and you know it," Lily insists, crossing her arms. Her gaze is piercing. Sirius loves her to death, but he'll never stop thinking she's scary.

"Eh," he answers. "He was wearing boat shoes yesterday."

"Not everyone wears Docs and leather jackets every day, Mr. Cool."

"You sound like a mom," he tells her, ignoring the face she makes at him. "And anyway, I'm punk. Look at me! Have you ever seen anyone this punk? Liking a hipster is not punk."

"You're not punk, Sirius. You used to finger paint with Harry when he was little."

"Finger painting is punk as fuck," Sirius insists, nudging Lily's flats with the tip of his boot. "But alright, fine. It's not like anything's gonna happen. He hardly ever even talks."

"What was his name? Remus Lupin? What do you think, Remus Black or Sirius Lupin?"

"You're sick."

"It's okay if you like him," she says. "You haven't gone out with anyone in years."

"Are Mommy and Daddy worrying?"

"Well, you know James, he couldn't care less what you do with your love life, but I am. I mean, don't you wanna get married and have a family? You adore Harry and you're more worried about this one," she says, rubbing her stomach, "than James is. Don't you want your own?"

"Well, yeah, I guess, but-- this is unrelated."

"No it's not," she says. "You've gotta stop thinking someone will just come to you and beg for your hand in marriage one day just because you're attractive. It doesn't work that way."

"You think I'm attractive?"

She rolls her eyes and Sirius snickers, nudging her shoe with his own again. "You know I'm just kidding," he says. "I know, and you're probably right, but he's still in secondary school."

She shrugs and then nods behind him, where the bells above the door are jingling again. "He's here," she says, giving him a look, and Sirius rolls his eyes at her and bumps his shoulder into hers.

He has a hard time arguing with her logic, though, once he sees Remus. He's got his hair swept in front of his eyes today, and he's wearing a rumpled plaid button up over a light gray t-shirt, and as much as Sirius despises the whole hipster thing, Remus really does pull it off, and Sirius knows how hard it is to pull a Look off. Plus, he's wearing the damn chukkas, and fuck it all if Sirius doesn't think they're attractive.

"'Lo," he says lightly, and Lily makes an amused noise from the blurry edges of his consciousness. Remus smiles at him. He quickly turns around to start making his drink before anyone notices his quickly rising arousal.

"I think I'll have something different today, actually," Remus says, leaning against the counter.

"Yeah?" Sirius asks, turning around.

"Only I don't know much about coffee so I thought you'd be able to recommend something."

"What do you like?" Lily swoops in to save Sirius, who finds the way Remus bites nervously at his bottom lip far more interesting than drink recommendations.

"Chocolate," he says. "Maybe something cool, it's rather warm out today."

That Sirius can do, and he works on mixing up an iced mocha frap.

"So you must be Remus," Lily says. When Sirius peeks over at his face, he sees a deep red blush spreading south down the neckline of his shirt.

"Lily," Sirius says sharply, pouring the drink into a cup.

"Well, you weren't going to introduce us," she snaps, and Sirius turns to face them, smiling patronizingly.

"Remus," he says. "This is Lily. She's very pregnant and therefore likely to bite your head off. Her interests include embarrassing me and chatting up customers while I do all the work. Lily, this is Remus."

"Nice to meet you," Lily says, holding out a hand. "Don't worry, the only one I have any interest in beheading is this doofus."

Sirius makes a face at Remus from behind Lily's back, and all apprehension drains from his features. He smiles as he takes Lily's hand. "Nice to meet you too," he says.

Sirius turns back to Remus' drink, adding a swirl of chocolate whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top before sliding it across the counter to him. Lily begins to ring him up, but Sirius tugs on her arm. "He doesn't even know if he'll like it, Lil. This one's on the house."

"You don't have to do that," Remus says, already fumbling for his wallet.

"It's fine," Sirius insists. "Try it, see how it is."

Lily leans against the register. Sirius can feel the look she's giving him boring into the side of his head. Remus' fingers shake as he opens his straw wrapper, and once it's in, he takes a sip of his drink.

"It's really good," he says. There's an undertone of embarrassment beneath his honesty. Sirius smiles at him like that compliment means the world to him. "Is this chocolate whipped cream?"

"That it is," Sirius says, putting his hands up on the counter. "You like chocolate?"

Something flares in Remus' eyes. He smiles slowly and cheekily. Sirius thinks his stomach may be melting. "You could say that."

"The coffee's good, though?" Lily interrupts, causing Remus and Sirius to both snap their heads around to face her.

"Yeah," Remus says after a moment.

"Right," Sirius says. "Brand new espresso machine."

"Freshly fixed this morning after my clumsy husband knocked it over in the backroom," she says, glaring at Sirius.

"Oh-- you're--"

Sirius glances over at Lily's expression and then at Remus' paled face. "Christ, no," he says quickly. "Not-- no. James. My best friend. What a klutz," he says uncomfortably, and Remus smiles a bit oddly at him as Lily laughs.

"Can you imagine," Lily starts, but Sirius cuts her off.

"That's really-- just quite enough. Anyway. Yes. He broke it and Lily came in this morning and fixed it despite strict, straightforward instructions for no physical labor of any kind."

"How was it broken?" Remus says, tilting his head. He looks almost like a puppy. Sirius feels warm over every inch of his skin. Sweat lines his palms, and his fingers twitch uneasily.

"The whole thing came apart," Lily says. "I don't even know how he managed it."

"But you can't just fix those," Remus says, watching curiously as Sirius raises his eyebrows. "They're all specially made so they're pressurized or whatever."

"Lily Potter, you sneaky little liar," Sirius says with a grin as he turns to look at her wide eyes and pink cheeks. "What did you do? Go out and buy another one?"

"Well, it was broken," she says. "We need an espresso maker."

"I'm gonna tell James."

"Sirius Orion Black, don't you dare."

"Thank you," Sirius tells Remus. "I am indebted to you. One does not often get the chance to one up the great Lily Potter."

Lily pushes behind him and shoves her way into the backroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Is she crying?" Remus asks, eyebrows furrowed.

"Maybe. She'll be fine. It's me you've got to worry about, when she gets angry again."

"Well, good luck," Remus says with a smile. "It'd be a shame if anything happened to you, because then who would make me fancy coffee drinks with chocolate whipped cream?"

"Probably some other less handsome barista at some much crappier coffee place."

"That'd just be a shame."

"Wouldn't it though? Anyway, I didn't expect to see you today, it's a Saturday."

"I told you I'd be here."

"Don't you usually come on the way home from school?"

"Mmh," he says, looking down at his drink as he takes a long sip.

"Where do you go?"

"Secondary school down the road," he says quietly.

"You don't like it?" Sirius asks.

Remus looks into his cup for a long minute, swirling his straw around until most of the whipped cream is dissolved into the coffee. Eventually, he peeks up at Sirius with a shy smile. "Does anyone like school?"

"Well, I did, but of course I went to boarding school and when I came home that was much worse, so."

"Don't like your family?" Remus asks, mouth quirking up at one corner.

"Hmm, but that's a story for another day," Sirius says. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to be nosy?"

Remus chokes on a laugh and reaches across the counter to shove his shoulder playfully. "Least I can tell when I'm making someone uncomfortable."

"Yes, but you've got to learn to keep going," Sirius says with a smile. His shoulder feels like it's on fire just where Remus' hand was, even through his shirt.

"Wanker," Remus says, and then they smile at each other, both shy and eager, and Sirius wants to do something to prevent Remus' inevitable exit, but the moment to take action—to convince him to sit down so they can talk, to ask him out, to kiss him (Sirius spares only one quick, fervent thought on that last option)—passes, and Remus sighs and takes his drink.

"I better go," he says regretfully. "See you Monday?"

"Sure," Sirius says.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"Don't mention it."

Remus smiles again, and it's stupid, really, but Sirius feels like this is much more than it is, mostly because it's not really much of anything, and Remus murmurs another 'bye' before pushing the front door open and stepping into the rare London sunshine.

Sirius watches his back pass by the front windows like a lovesick school girl before deciding it'd probably be best if he goes and checks on Lily.

In the back, Lily is sitting cross legged on the floor with her phone in her hands.

"You okay?" Sirius asks carefully, and she glances up at him, turning her head to the side questioningly. "You, er, ran off before."

"Didn't you want to be alone with him?"

"Well, yeah but-- you weren't mad?"

"No," she says, turning her attention back to the screen of her iPhone. "I'm fine. How'd it go?"

"He's so easy to talk to," Sirius says, sitting down on the cold ground across from her. "It's like, it's like we just fell into this-- like we were friends or something, you know?"

"Did you ask him out?"

Sirius rolls his eyes. "I've barely had a real conversation with the kid."

"Well, you can't just stare at each other and blush forever."

"I dunno, he's pretty cute when he blushes," Sirius says, hanging his head so that his hair falls down and blocks his face from Lily. "I'm fucked."

"Sirius," Lily begins and ends, and then her small, warm hand slides over his shoulder.

He pushes his hair out of his face and turns to smile at her. "I think it might be creepy."

"What?"

"If I say something. How do I even know if he's gay?"

"Well, I know he likes men at least. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to look at him and see that he's interested in you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on. I was standing out there for all of two minutes before I started to feel like I was intruding."

Sirius is silent for a moment as he stares at her green eyes. She's always mothering him, and he resented it at first, when she and James started going out, but now he kind of relies on it. Her fingers rub gently into his shoulder blade. "Really?"

"Yes," she says, laughing. "I've never seen you so insecure."

"Well. I like him."

"I know you do," Lily says, and she's got that smile that she gives Sirius; he can easily picture Harry getting it, too, when the time comes for girl problems. Or boy problems, he thinks, and grins at the idea of James blaming him. "See, there you go," she says. "You look so nice when you smile. You should do it more."

"Smiling isn't punk."

She shakes her head with a grin and pushes against the ground with the palms of her hands for leverage in her attempts to stand up. Sirius watches with a grin.

"You're not that big yet," he says, and she shoots him a glare.

"It's my back," she says, and then she's finally up, and the puts her hands on her hips and stands over him in a rather menacing way. "Get out there and finish cleaning those windows."

"Yes, ma'am," he says, and he grabs the Windex.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius hates grocery shopping. He hates wearing his studded leather jacket and Docs and eyeliner among all of the moms with their little crying kids and their old, stained sweatshirts and sweatpants and faded, creased sneakers. They all look at him funny, like he's going to... he doesn't even know what they think. He'll curse? Perform a satanic ritual and use their snot nosed brats as sacrifices? It depends on the severity of the glare, he supposes.

In any case, when Lily had called him that morning and said that Harry had a doctor's appointment and James was the only one in the store and so could he please pick some stuff up for them at the grocery store, he had moaned and groaned for almost a half an hour until Lily had told him that she had enough to deal with with her own child as it was, and that he wasn't invited to come over for dinner anymore if he wasn't willing to help out now and again, and then he had no say in the matter, really, because he sure as hell wasn't going to take Harry to the doctor's.

He really did need to go anyway. He's got a half empty bottle of mustard in the back of his fridge that expired just over a year ago, and that's about that as far as his kitchen goes. It's quite sad, really. He's beginning to get sick of curry. He thinks he may have pushed it off a bit too long this time.

Lily's shopping list eases the harsh glares at the very least. He's got a cart full of the things parents have, like fruit snacks and loaves of bread and Lily's special diet granola bars. He must look like he's got a pretty wife and lovely child waiting for him at home. He rather wants to tell everyone who smiles at him that he's really the kid's big queen of an uncle.

Queen. Sirius snickers at himself. He really dates himself sometimes.

And he supposes grocery shopping isn't all that bad, really, because he almost never gets any alone time, which makes him sound like an annoying housewife, but whatever. He may have to learn how to tell when an apple is ripe but at least he's not falling asleep on the counter in the coffee shop.

He's reached the end of the last aisle when he surveys his cart to make sure he hasn't missed anything. It's rather funny, really, because he can see where the things he's buying for himself end and where the things he's buying from Lily's list begin. It just looks rather like he's spoiling his son, but the three boxes of sugary cereals really are for him.

Another thing about going grocery shopping for Lily is that he has to borrow one of the Potters' cars. He's only got his motorcycle, and he can't exactly carry a family's worth of groceries home on that, so he's got to drive James' car, which hasn't even got an audio jack that he can plug his iPod into, so he has to listen to the radio, which usually ends up being dreadful enough that he shuts that anyway. He's still stewing over all of this while he's pushing the cart outside. A few feet out the door, he hears a tentative voice behind him,

"Sirius?"

Spinning around in surprise, Sirius finds two very familiar brown eyes staring at him. "Remus," he says with a grin.

"Hey," Remus answers. He doesn't smile quite so easily, and he rather looks like he's trying a bit too hard at the effort. "Sorry. I would've felt awkward if I hadn't said 'hi.'"

"No, it's fine," he says, pulling his cart to the side so he's not blocking the exit. "What are you doing out here?"

Remus gestures to the two grocery bags on the ground. "Doing some shopping for my mother."

"Do you want a ride?" Remus looks on edge for a moment too long, and Sirius adds, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you smoke?" Remus gives him an odd look now, and he quickly adds, "I thought maybe that's why you were out here."

"No," he says. "I'm not really all that interested in cigarettes. My parents do. It smells awful."

Sirius leans against the wall next to him and then digs into his pocket and produces an e-cigarette. "I agree," he says. "I used to be really bad into them."

Remus eyes the device in his hand.

"Want to try it? It's chocolate flavored."

"Really, now," he says under his breath, and Sirius laughs warmly, handing it to him.

"Just press the little button on the side," he says, and Remus puts it to his mouth, and Sirius' skin crawls all over like he's 16 again at the idea that Remus' mouth is where his has been, and god, he fancies a teenager but that doesn't mean he is one, but when the smoke flares out of Remus' chapped lips in thin, white wisps, he thinks he'll be wanking to that picture for weeks to come.

"Are you sure you've never smoked?" he asks, nudging his arm into Remus'. "You didn't cough."

"I didn't say I haven't. I said I don't."

Sirius wasn't really expecting a serious answer, so he takes it back silently when Remus passes it, and he takes a long drag from it to give himself something to do. He feels himself calm a bit almost instantly.

"Special K bars?" Remus asks suddenly, grinning at Sirius.

"Shut up," he says, smiling back. Lily's right; they do grin stupidly at each other. "They're for Lily." Remus looks at him for a long moment, and he adds, "We're not married," he insists with a laugh. "Apparently grocery shopping is part of godfather duty."

"Are you religious?" he asks.

"Fuck no," Sirius says with a grin, and Remus laughs.

"So she has another kid?"

"Yeah. Harry. He's 9. They, um... wanted to be sure they were ready for the next one, I think, which is why they waited so long in between."

Remus nods, and then it's quiet for a beat too long, which he finally punctuates with a sigh. "Well. I guess-- what are you doing?" he asks, because Sirius has begun to peek through his grocery bags.

"Seeing if you have anything that'll go bad if it sits in the car for a bit. Want to go grab lunch?"

"I-- Right now?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Remus laughs shakily, scooping his bags up. "Why not," he answers sarcastically. "Where's your car, then?"

Sirius feels slightly triumphant as he leads Remus to the car. "It's James and Lily's car," he explains as they reach it. Lily picked it out, what with James' irresponsibility and all. It's a silver Ford Focus that really does just look like the kind of car an eleven year old would be dropped off at football practice each morning in. "I would never own one of these things."

"Why, what do you have?" Remus asks. He opens the passenger seat door and puts his bags on the floor of the car and then begins to help Sirius load the Potters' groceries into the trunk.

"You haven't seen my bike?"

"That one that's always outside the coffee shop? I should've guessed that was yours."

"Don't you dare say anything bad about my bike," Sirius teases, managing to cram the last bag in without squishing the loaf of bread inside. "I love her."

Remus rolls his eyes and goes to put the cart away, leaving Sirius to consider the idea of Remus behind him on the bike as they zip through the streets of London, his thin arms tight around Sirius' stomach, and he scrambles into the car and begins playing with the radio stations in an attempt to prevent himself from getting hard over the fantasy. It's stupid, he realizes. Over the idea of riding with a teenager on his bike. Although it is Remus, and he can easily imagine those skinny thighs on either side of his and that firm, thin chest pressed against his back and his mouth so close that he can feel his warm breath on his neck...

The passenger side door opens again and Remus slides gracefully into the seat and shuts the door. He pushes his mop of light brown hair out of his face and smiles neatly. The kid's wearing oxfords and a suit jacket. Sirius feels his heart thud dangerously in his chest.

"Alright?" Remus asks.

"Yep," Sirius says. The radio is still playing Lily's shit music. He starts the engine. "So what do you feel like having?"

******

They end up going and getting fish and chips at some greasy diner. In the several times Remus has come to the coffee shop during the week since they're started talking, he's been feeling less and less like Remus is just a kid, but eating oily french fries in a little diner makes him feel like they're both just kids, and Sirius hasn't felt that way since Harry was born.

"Do you know if Lily is having a boy or a girl?" Remus asks as they wait for the waitress to bring the check. Sirius hopes they're not in any particular rush.

"Mh, not yet. I'm hoping for a girl, to be honest."

"Doesn't her husband get jealous?"

The very idea of Lily cheating on James with him is so funny that it takes Sirius a moment to recover enough to answer a flustered Remus with a firm, "No."

"Why? I mean, not to be nosy. You just talk about them like they're your own children."

"Well, they practically are. As close as I'll ever get anyway."

"You've still got time. You're young."

"That's not the point."

Remus gives him an odd look, but they're interrupted when the waitress returns.

They split the check, and when Sirius protests with an offer to pay for Remus' lunch, he just rolls his eyes with a small smile and says, "My mother's not that bad, Sirius," but Sirius has the feeling he understands what he's saying a bit too well.

"If she has a girl, you'll spoil her rotten," Remus adds, blushing, when Sirius holds the door open for him. Sirius throws his head back to laugh.

"I'm not sure where we are," Remus says, stopping suddenly in front of the passenger seat door.

"It's fine," Sirius says. "I'll drive you home."

"That's... thanks, but my mother would flip out."

"I could take you to the shop," Sirius offers, and Remus' lips turn up a bit.

"That would be great. Not to make you go there when you're not working."

"I already spend half my life there, what's another minute or two?"

Remus looks sheepish as he climbs into the car.

The drive is so comfortable, with the radio on low and the windows open. Sirius glances over at Remus to find his eyes closed as he leans back against the headrest, his adam's apple bobbing with each breath. It's nearly hypnotic. Everything about this kid is so endearing to him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?" he tries again, pulling up in front of the store. "You do have groceries to carry."

"It's fine," Remus answers. He smiles politely as he gathers up his bags and unbuckles his seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride. And the distraction in general."

"No problem, I know what it's like to just need to get away for a few hours. Besides, I had fun."

Remus grins at him almost expectantly for a few seconds. The moment seems to pass, though, and he opens the car door and gets out with a quick, "See you!"

Sirius leans over the console in the middle to poke his head out the window. "Coming by tomorrow afternoon?"

The confused smile Remus gives him makes him feel quite silly, but when he answers with an, "Of course. I'll see you then." and begins to turn back around, Sirius figures it's worth it.

******

Sirius tiptoes into the house with his three oversized grocery bags. The house smells like freshly cooked pasta of some kind, and Lily is lying on the couch with her eyes closed as if she's tired herself out cooking, and if he moves slowly and quietly enough, perhaps she won't wake up, because when she wakes up, there'll be questions and god, does it feel like she's his mother sometimes. Instead, one of the bags makes a deathly loud crinkling noise. He freezes right where he stands.

"Grocery store must have been crowded," she says sleepily.

"God, it was," he answers. "Since you're up, help me put this stuff away?"

One green eye opens and looks at him. He smiles hopefully.

"Where'd you go?" she asks, sitting up as she rubs her eyes. Her stomach is getting so big these days.

"To the grocery store," he says slowly. "See, I got your special K bars and Harry's Choco Snaps."

"Where else?" she asks, taking one of the bags.

"You're not supposed to be carrying things," he says absently. "I had lunch with Remus."

"Remus," she says idly as she puts the bag down and begins to root through it.

"Yes, Remus. I found him looking quite dejected outside the grocery store and took pity."

"Is he alright?" she asks, beginning to put the frozen things away in the freezer.

"He's fine. We got fish and chips."

"Was it like a date?"

"No, it was not like a date," he says, taking the box of cereal out of her hands and stretching to put it on top of the pantry. "He didn't feel like going home so I took him out to lunch."

"Did you pay?

"It was _not_ a date," he insists, grabbing the next bag. Lily is leaning against the pantry door as if she's done helping, which she should be, given her state.

"Okay, alright. I'm worried about you."

"I'm a big boy, Lily," he answers in a monotone, stepping around her to put a box of pasta away. She really does mother him sometimes, and though it is occasionally comforting and welcome, it's often quite annoying and intrusive.

"I know, I just don't want you getting really into him and then he's not... interested, for whatever reason."

"Just a friendly lunch. He's fun to spend time with."

"Alright," she says. "Go wake Harry up so he can come have dinner. I'm sure you've already spoiled your appetite," she adds, peering up at him through her eyelashes, and she looks so scornfully serious and he has to laugh as he rounds the corner to go wake his favorite godson.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius is stuck with a double on Monday. Lily had some sort of baby doctor appointment in the morning, and then her and James were planning to go shopping for more baby stuff. Lily would snapchat him about every blanket or pillow or poster they bought for the baby's room, and he really did try to seem like he didn't care, but he kind of wished he could be there. It wasn't even that he wanted to be a father, because he wasn't ready for that. He didn't have the slightest idea how to raise a kid. He knew about the diaper stuff and the feeding stuff and how to make it stop crying, but _raising_ a kid was something else. It was more just that he was _excited_. He thinks of the baby Lily's been carrying as a new addition to their family—a "their" that includes himself. And that's kind of how they function, as a whole family together, and most of the time it is seamless, but sometimes, like when Lily and James and Harry discuss the new baby, Sirius can feel where he's been grafted on.

 

Still. He loves the options that Lily sends him on snapchat. He loves the pink baby blankets. He loves that they may be getting a little baby girl. Tiredly so, he loves how sweet and beautiful and new things feel, and his feet are sore from standing all day, and he has a vivid memory of James crying into his shoulder 9 years ago in Lily's hospital room after waiting out her long 12 hour labor, and he wants a nap but he also wants to be right there again.

 

He's managed to keep himself awake all morning only with the thought of Remus' arrival that afternoon.

 

He gets, as silly as it is, pretty excited when he sees kids with backpacks beginning to walk by the front windows. The store's been empty all day, just him and the pretty way the sun filters through the windows in the morning, and after the morning rush, maybe one or two customers.

 

When the bell above the door jingles in time with the wavering of sunlight, a chocolate frappuccino is already sitting on the counter, chocolate whipped cream and all.

 

"Hey," Remus says with a smile.

 

"Hey," Sirius answers, and he feels kind of goofy, like his skin is too tight, kind of awkward, and he recalls the feeling vividly from when he had a crush on his history teacher back in eleventh grade. He has not missed it.

 

"Did you really make my drink before I even got here?"

 

"Nah," he answers, grabbing the cup. "This is mine."

 

Remus tilts his head with an odd smile. Sirius' heart thuds.

 

"I'm kidding," he says, sliding it back over. "Of course."

 

"I didn't realize you wanted me out of here that fast," Remus says, smiling. "I'd just go to Starbucks instead."

 

"That's not funny," Sirius says, but it is, and he laughs. "I need you here to break the monotony."

 

"We get lunch one time and suddenly it's my job to babysit you every afternoon," Remus jokes, the corners of his mouth curving up as he pushes the whipped cream around with a straw.

 

"You can leave if you want," Sirius says, and he's kind of joking, but he's kind of also not. One thing he has noticed is that Remus is not big on eye contact, and that makes it really hard to know what he's thinking a lot of the time. Now he gets a peek into Remus' big golden eyes, though, and they look very sincere. Sincere and gorgeous and positively shining in the autumn sunlight.

 

"I'm just kidding, you dork. I don't just go out and get lunch with people I don't want to spend time with."

 

Sirius' brain is echoing those words, _people I want to spend time with_ , but he laughs anyway. "I'm not a _dork_. I'm punk."

 

"Really? Because last time I saw you, you were buying protein shakes."

 

Sirius shakes his head with a smile. Remus' demure sense of humor makes Sirius' head feel all hazy; nothing turns him on like sharp witted banter. Remus, however, is just looking down at his cup at he licks chocolate whipped cream off of the end of the straw. "Now, would I be caught dead drinking protein shakes?" he replies.

 

Remus glances up at him. The left corner of his mouth is curled up just slightly, teasingly so. "What," he asks coyly, "are strawberry Special K protein shakes _not_ punk?"

 

"They were strawberry banana," Sirius tells him with a grin. "And they're _Lily's_ , and Lily's not allowed to be punk now; she's pregnant."

 

"Being pregnant is punk. She's got a _baby_ inside of her."

 

Sirius snorts and then laughs, and Remus is laughing along with him, if not just because he actually _snorted_ , and Sirius notices how gorgeous Remus is when he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, his imperfect white teeth flashing and the golden sound of his happiness, and then it's not so much funny anymore as it is alluring.

 

"She was sending me pictures of baby blankets this morning," Sirius tells him, eager to get away from his own thoughts. "Her and James went shopping. They're going out to dinner tonight, them and Harry, but I have to stay here because _someone_ needs to be here and we don't have any part timers."

 

"Well," Remus reasons softly, "Don't you think that they need some family time sometimes?"

 

Sirius recoils instinctively, stomach filling with hot pain, and he can see the apology spring to the front of Remus' eyes. "It's not-- you don't get it. It's not like they don't want me there. I'm always there because I'm always invited. They _are_ my family."

 

Remus looks unsure. Sirius can feel old wounds opening at the seams, and that's not something he really wants to let happen, not when it'd be fermenting all night, alone in the shop. "I didn't mean to upset you," Remus says.

 

"It's okay," Sirius says, leaning forward so that his forearms are folded across the counter. "How's your drink?"

 

"Oh right," Remus says, reaching for his wallet, but Sirius swats a hand through the air.

 

"Don't worry about it."  
  
"Are you sure?" Remus asks. "I mean I'm not coming here just to be nosy and weasel free drinks out of you."

 

"I know that," Sirius says with a fond smile. "Were things okay when you got home yesterday?"

 

"Um." Remus rubs nervously at the bridge of his nose and studiously avoids eye contact. "Yeah. I mean. Yeah. It's not."

 

"Remus," he says, "I had a lot of problems with my family when I was younger, so if you ever need help with... you know, with anything. I'm here."

 

Remus gives him a long calculating look and then says, very politely, "I'm fine, but thank you."

 

"But if you ever do."

 

"Thank you," Remus repeats firmly.

 

"I mean, there are-- well, there are ways to get through it. Or to get out, if you need to. Do you maybe have a friend you could go to?"

 

Remus looks almost pained. Sirius knows the panic in his eyes well. He can vividly remember Mrs. Potter sitting him down and asking him these kinds of questions and him feeling like an animal caught in a trap, and now he feels guilty, but he's just worried. He doesn't want Remus to remind him of his own teenage years, not for either of them. "Well. No. But I don't need to. I'm fine."

 

"Okay," Sirius says. "Sorry to push."

 

"I-- it's okay. It's just not anything."

 

Sirius doesn't believe him one bit, and he's pretty sure Remus knows that, but he doesn't say anything else on the matter. "We should do stuff more often," Sirius says. "Like yesterday."

 

"I. Thanks, Sirius, really, but I don't need to be babysat." Remus remarks bitterly, looking down into the remains of his drink.

 

"I didn't mean that," Sirius tells him honestly and gently, seeking for the eye contact that Remus seems so desperate to avoid. “I just genuinely want to spend time with you.”

 

Remus peeks up at him from under his eyelids. He'd been focusing on a coffee stain on the counter, but now he looks up to meet Sirius' eyes for a moment. "Well. I'm not your problem, is all."

 

"I know that," Sirius says, nudging his hand into Remus' on the counter top. "Is it really that odd that I just think you're interesting and want to get to know you?"

 

Remus shrugs a little bit, and Sirius laughs. "You are," he insists. "I mean your name is Remus Lupin and you've got a shirt with werewolves on it, for God's sake. Who wouldn't find that interesting?"

 

Remus is smiling now, at least, and he rolls his eyes and then takes a sip of his coffee to hide his grin. "So it's just my ironic sense of humor you're keeping me around for."

 

"Hey, every coffee shop needs a resident hipster."

 

Remus' eyes shoots upward to meet Sirius'. They're eyes are wide and he has an affronted look on his face, like he's just been insulted. "I am _not_ a hipster."

 

"Oh, yes, you are. You've got chukkas, Remus. You stop at an independent coffee shop every day."

 

"Ridiculous," Remus says, shaking his head. He looks back down at his drink. His hair's just the right length to hang in front of his eyes when he does that.

 

"I thought you were doing it on purpose," he says. "I thought you were, you know, going for the look."

 

"No, not really," Remus says, looking up at him again. "Definitely not like you're going for the punk look."

 

"I'm not just going for it. I'm the entire punk movement personified."

 

Remus scoffs a little bit and then takes another sip of his coffee. "Docs don't make you punk personified."

 

"Coming from someone who thinks that chukkas don't make him hipster."

 

"It's true," Remus insists. He checks his phone then, and sighs a little bit and then stands up straighter. "I should-- I should go. Thanks for the coffee, though."

 

"Of course. See you."

 

Remus smiles kind of awkwardly at him, all nervous and too wide, and tosses his cup in the garbage on the way out.

 

The shop feels kind of empty once he's gone. Sirius checks his phone, but Lily hasn't replied to his last snapchat. He sighs, slouches down to fold his arms on the counter, and watches the flow of people move past the front windows.

******

  
Lily doesn't contact Sirius again until 7. They must've gotten home from the restaurant already when his phone vibrates, and his head snaps up from its place against the counter top.

 

"What's up, fatty?"

 

"You're so lucky James and I don't have many other friends to make godfather," she says, but she doesn't _really_ sound exasperated, so Sirius figures she's not truly offended. "How's your guy doing? Did you see him?"

 

"He's not _mine_ ," Sirius says, looking out over the few people left eating coffee cakes with their late night decaf. "And he's okay, I think."

 

"That's good. James seems to think it's some kind of joke or something. I don't think he knows about your date the other day."

 

"It wasn't a date, _mom_ ," Sirius insists. He drops his head back down to the counter. When he's got it picked up, everything looks kinda like those scenes in horror movies where someone wakes up from a coma and everything is impossibly bright, and the light is even more painful to look at than the dark.

 

"I know, love. Anyway, we ended up buying paint for the baby's room."

 

"Did you?"

 

"Yeah," she says. "We got this lovely pale green color. I thought you might be able to help me paint one weekend while James stays at the shop."

 

"What's your angle?" Sirius asks right away, and she laughs. She's always got this laugh-- it's like wind chimes in those strong gusts you get at the beginning of spring. Sirius can't even count the number of times it's held all of them together. It's kind of comforting, just hearing it, and the corners of his mouth pick up.

 

"James is useless with this stuff, he always goofs around too much."

 

"So you need someone more serious."

 

The line is silent for a long, long moment. Sirius pulls the phone back to see if she's hung up. She hasn't. "Next Saturday, Padfoot," she says dryly.

 

"Aye aye."

 

Lily sighs long sufferingly. Sirius grins into the cold marble counter. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says. "Drive home safe."

 

"Of course, my dear. See you."

 

He hangs up and opens up a few of the photos she sent him: the ones she wanted him to keep to look over. It's mostly just color swatches she asked him to consider, but there are also baby blankets and stuffed animals, with captions like, _the panda or the polar bear_? and Sirius marvels at the planning that goes into this all. There's rooms to be painted and cribs to be assembled and designs to be planned, and they're not 19 this time, and the whole thing is so well organized. He wonders if it'll _be_ different at all. Harry was probably the most loved child in the world growing up, but he had Mr. and Mrs. Potter as well as the three of them. His parents may not have been settled yet, but they gave him every ounce of everything they had in them, and Sirius remembers the genuine love that went into figuring it out and making do. This new child is being born into domestic bliss, with pancakes every Sunday morning and financial security, and Sirius isn't sure what bit of it he's scared of: that this is what they are now, painting rooms for babies and being indecisive about prints on blankets, or that that's what Lily and James are, and he is most distinctly not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I know it seemed like this story was cancelled but I got the itch to start working on it again, so here we are. Hopefully someone's still interested in reading?


	5. Chapter 5

Remus dropping in every day around 3 in the afternoon becomes routine. He'll come in and lean on the counter and try to pay for his drink and avoid eye contact and smile shyly and happily and Sirius will memorize the quirk of the corners of his lips. He'll talk to Sirius about anything and everything for a while before looking guiltily at the time on his phone and tripping over himself to get out the door, although the time he sticks around for has been increasing day by day-- along with other things that tell Sirius he is warming up to him, like the amount of eye contact he's willing to make or the amount of genuinely shy but funny comments or jokes he makes.

 

"Ow," he says, turning quickly to catch Lily's fingers still hovering in the air. He reaches around to rub his scalp and narrows his eyes at her, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "We're not in first grade anymore, Lils, if you like me you should just tell me."

 

"I'd really just rather you, you know, stop staring despondently out the window."

 

Sirius rolls his eyes and leans back against the counter. The store is empty, as it usually is at this time of afternoon, and it's been sunny and lazy all day. Lily leans back against the opposite counter and crosses her arms.

 

"If I'd have given you this hard of a time," Sirius tells her, "about James when you two started going out, you would have just given up."

 

"I didn't mope about constantly like a lost puppy when I started liking James."

 

"I do not," Sirius says. "I just like when he's here. He's interesting and I spend like, most of my life alone here."

 

"My god, you're too young to be having a midlife crisis."

 

Sirius laughs and Lily just smirks a little bit, lying a hand over her stomach. "Why is it such a big deal that I have a friend?"

 

"Because you likeee him," Lily says, pitching forward to lean on his shoulder. "And I think you should do something before it goes too far because he might not be interested."

 

"Thanks for worrying about me, Mom," Sirius answers, hooking an arm around her back. "But I can take care of myself."

 

"Can you? Because you still practically live at our house. I think you'd be dead without me."

 

"I'm dying with you," Sirius says, laughing into the top of her head. The bell above the door rings just as Lily buries her head into his neck.

 

"Are you sure I'm not interrupting anything?" Remus asks, and Sirius practically throws Lily out of his arms when he turns around.

 

"I am _pregnant_ ," she complains.

 

Remus laughs as he walks up to the counter. "I can't stay for long, but I pass by on the way home anyway, so..."

 

"I would've worried if you hadn't come at all," Sirius says.

 

Lily grins. "What would he do without you until Monday?"

 

"Die of boredom, I assume," Remus says, leaning on the counter. "But I have a thing. I have to," he glances at his phone screen quickly, "yeah. So."

 

"Well, maybe we can do something later or this weekend," Sirius says.

 

"Sure."

 

"Give me your number and we'll figure something out later," Sirius says, getting his phone out. Remus reads off his number with a nervous smile and Sirius types it in and then makes him check it again, just to be sure, and Lily laughs softly and slips behind him to go into the back room. "Should I give you the moon emoji?" Sirius asks.

 

Remus laughs, straightening up and adjusting his backpack strap. "No wolf emoji?"

 

"Unfortunately not," Sirius says with a grin.

 

"Guess it'll have to do then," Remus answers. "See you, hopefully this weekend."

 

"See you," Sirius calls back, and then Remus is back out on the sidewalk and gone again.

 

Sirius gives him just enough time to walk out of his line of sight before calling. His heart bubbles anxiously, stupidly, as the phone rings in his ear.

 

"Hello?” Remus answers, his voice soft and friendly into the receiver. Sirius wants to learn every tone of Remus' voice; he wants to learn what he sounds like when he's feeling every different emotion under the sun, when he's in every situation possible; he wants to know Remus like the back of his hand. He soaks it all up like a sponge and what he doesn't know still keeps him up at night, pondering the possibilities.

 

"I believe I forgot to give you my number as well."

 

"Well, I have it now," Remus says, laughing quietly. Everything he does is always so quiet, Sirius thinks, tracing a pattern in the marble counter top. Like he's trying to stow himself out of the way. He wonders if it's a coping mechanism: make yourself small and silent and insignificant and no one will notice you, no one will hurt you. He played his cards a very different way all those years ago.

 

"Will you be home by tonight?"

 

"How far away do you think I live?" Remus cracks.

 

Sirius grins despite himself. "Will your thing be over?" he tries again.

 

"Should be. What's up?"

 

"That sounds great. Perhaps you'd like to join me at that restaurant we went to last weekend."

 

"That sounds delightful, Sirius."

 

Sirius snickers, and he can hear the smile in Remus' voice: the high tone, the bouncing rhythm. He loves to make Remus happy; to be the one that brings a smile to Remus' face. He knows firsthand how important that is; James spent years playing that role for him. Being able to do it for Sirius fills a small hole in his heart that he hadn't known was there. "Shall I arrive at 8 to escort you?"

 

"But of course."

 

"I'll see you then, my dear. May the moments until pass quickly now."

 

Remus laughs very suddenly now, as if surprised, and Sirius has to hold the phone away from his face to save his eardrum. It feels wonderful to hear the unusually loud sound, he thinks, smiling absently as he watches the sun set over the building tops out the front window. "Too far. Jesus. You better not show up in a horse drawn carriage or anything."

 

"Why, Remus, you've already met my trusty steed."

 

"Oh, _fuck_."

 

Sirius grins. He wishes Remus had been there in person. He's never seen Remus curse before, really, and he wants to be able to see him forming the word, the expression on his face... But he's sure that time will come one way or another. "You'll be fine. Go do your thing."

 

"Right. My thing,” he repeats, sighing. “I'll see you later, Sirius."

 

"See you."

 

Lily comes out almost immediately once he puts his phone on the counter, a sure sign that she was listening, and waddles over to him, one hand resting protectively on her bump.

 

"Who were you on the phone with?" she asks, looking up at him innocently through big green eyes.

 

"You think that you're much sneakier than you really are, you know that, honey?"

 

She wrinkles her nose up at the pet name, but otherwise goes back to making a fresh pot of coffee. "You're taking him out to dinner then?"

 

"Yep. Well, not taking him out. We're just going. Together."

 

"That's a date."

 

"It is definitely not a date, Lily," he answers, poking her in the side as he walks past to grab a rag to wipe down the counter.

 

"Mh, but he'll be pressed all close to you on your bike, with his arms around you..."

 

"It's just a good thing he'll be behind me," Sirius jokes, spraying the counter down.

 

"How long has it been for you, anyway?" she asks. Sirius feels something hit his shoulder. He glances behind him to see her bending down to pick up the twist tie she threw.

 

"I think you should mind your own business, love. Look what sex did for you. And no bending over like that, Christ.

 

"It's fine. And I swear to you, you won't get pregnant, Sirius."

 

"Funny."

 

"And you won't get Remus pregnant either."

 

"You've gotta slow down, Lils," Sirius says, putting the bottle of spray back beneath the counter. "I'm going out for dinner with him tonight. I'm not fucking him."

 

"So you're a bottom?"

 

Sirius decides to sit in the back alone for the last half hour of his shift, but not before tossing his wet rag at Lily's face.

 

******

  
At 7:30, Sirius gets a text from Remus that reads, _meet you at the coffee shop? only my mom would freak out if she saw me get on a motorbike_.

 

So Sirius agrees and when he pulls up outside at 7:55, Remus is standing there, huddled up in a zipped hoodie and his skinny jeans and Sperry's. He's kind of cute, Sirius thinks yet again, squinting at him in the dark. Even if his nose is a little big. But even that is adorably so. Sirius' whole body feels like mush.

 

"Hey," Remus says finally.

 

"Hey," Sirius says, taking off his helmet. He tosses it to Remus, who quickly catches it and looks at him quizzically. "Put it on. We won't crash, but I thought you'd feel more safe. I usually don't wear it."

 

Remus nods and fits it on over his mop of light brown hair. "You should."

 

"Wear one? That's not very punk," he answers, grinning. "Get on behind me," he instructs, although Remus already is, stepping over the seat. "You're probably gonna want to squish close and put your arms around me."

 

"Are you coming on to me?" he asks, but he does as Sirius says, pressing his chest to Sirius' back.

 

"You wish. Ready?" Sirius asks, revving the engine, and Remus sucks in a sharp breath. "Sounds like a yes," Sirius says.

 

Sirius feels at peace as soon as the wind hits his face. Riding his bike at night is usually pretty cold, but Remus is pressed tight against his bike, keeping him warm, and the roads are pretty empty this late on a weeknight, so they've got the whole long black road to themselves. He can feel Remus' warm breath on his neck every time he exhales. When they finally hit a red light, the roar of the motorcycle is quiet enough for Remus to ask Sirius a question over the noise: "How was your day at the shop?"

 

"Lonely," Sirius answers, mostly jokingly, and Remus looks at him with a serious face, and Sirius could swear to God Remus' eyes just flicked down to his lips--

 

And then a horn blares from behind them, and Sirius quickly turns his head back around and zips down the road.

 

The restaurant itself is only a few minutes away, and Sirius pulls into the parking lot all too soon. When he stops the bike, he stays there for a minute, waiting for Remus' lingering arms to move, and he feels so warm and comfortable before Remus finally begins to stand up.

 

They walk in comfortable silence to the doors of the building, elbows just barely brushing. Sirius holds the door open behind him and Remus steps through with a shy smile. They wait quietly, exchanging glances, as they wait for the hostess to lead them to a table. Remus is picking quietly at the cuticle of his fingernail, and Sirius watches him passively.

 

"Hey!" the hostess finally greets them, grabbing a couple of menus, "Two? Booth or no?”

 

“Please,” Sirius requests with a kind smile, and she leads them to their seats without another word.

 

They make eye contact again once they're seated at their table. Sirius clears his throat, and Remus still just looks at him a little oddly.

 

"Why does this feel awkward?" Sirius asks, laughing as he grabs a menu.

 

"Sorry,” Remus answers with a sheepish grin, reaching for the other menu. “I've been feeling off all day. Weird afternoon.”

 

“Hmm. You okay?” Sirus asks, looking over his menu at Remus with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Of course. Yeah. So. How's Lily? How's the baby?"

 

"Good, I guess. God, they make me feel old, though."

 

"How old are you, anyway?" Remus asks, glancing up from his menu.

 

"27," Sirius says carefully, watching for a change in Remus' expression. His brow crinkles a bit and he looks down, inspecting a photograph printed on the menu.

 

"That's not that old," Remus responds eventually.

 

"Uh-huh. They have a kid in primary school and I'm like, part owner of a coffee shop and godfather/babysitter of their kid."

 

"27 isn't that old," Remus repeats. "It's not like it's too late to meet someone and have kids."

 

Sirius makes a dismissive noise, so Remus drops it, and instead they both quietly flip through the menus. The waitress finds her way back over a moment later to ask for their drink orders, and Sirius lifts his head with a polite smile.

 

"We'll just have two beers," he says, and the waitress opens her mouth to ask for I.D. when Remus interrupts to say,

 

"Sirius, I'm underage."

 

And he'd kind of figured, but he'd also been holding onto the hope that Remus was in his last year and had turned 18, but he smiles politely and says, "Well, two sodas then."

 

"You can still get--"

 

"It's fine. What kind do you want?"

 

"Coke is fine--"

 

"Two cokes," Sirius tells the waitress, and she scribbles it back down and excuses herself to go get them.

 

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew."

 

"I wasn't sure," Sirius says. "But it's no big deal. So how was your _thing_? Besides your weird afternoon."

 

Remus rolls his eyes. "Awful. My mom wanted me to go to the doctor with her, and I just. It's hard to be around her."

 

"I'm sorry," Sirius says. "I. Well. My mother always wanted me around just about as much as I wanted to be there."

 

"There are plenty of things I could tell her that would make her not want me around, but I don't. You know. I don't have a James, so."

 

"Like what?" Sirius asks with a coy smile.

 

"Ah, look, there are our drinks," Remus says, and Sirius laughs softly as he turns back to the menu.

 

******

  
"We should do stuff more," Remus says, watching the ground in between them. The ride back from the restaurant was lovely; Sirius loves riding his bike at night, racing between the glow of streetlights, and he often does it alone, but it's better with a passenger. Especially one as attractive as Remus, clinging to his back and breathing against his neck as he was. He stomach tingles just thinking about it and he shifts his legs and tries to think about something else.

 

"Yeah," Sirius agrees. "You never hang around for long enough."

 

Remus smiles, small and almost unnoticeable, as he peeks up at Sirius from under his fringe of golden brown hair. His eyes are so wide. Sirius catches himself wishing he saw more of them. "You're working when I come."

 

"Yeah, but no one else ever comes in."

 

Remus laughs, glances up at the windows of the dark coffee shop, and then over his shoulder. "I should go," he says. "Thanks for. You know. Taking me there. The distraction. The near death experience. Etcetera."

 

"Of course, Remus. I'll see you around," he says, and Remus smiles stupidly at him for a moment, and he thinks about how completely insane it would be for him to just step forward and wrap his fingers around the sleeve of Remus' hoodie and pull him in for a kiss. His lips are parted just a bit, and the air escaping them fogs as it leaves. He can imagine how warm his chapped lips would be, how quiet it is here on the empty street in front of the closed stores...

 

But Remus steps back. "Monday, then," he says with a smile, and Sirius can't even nod before Remus has turned around and is walking off into the dusky distance.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was short so I figured I'd update quickly. Also I guess I should be updating quickly anyway since it's been like over a year since the last time haha


	6. Chapter 6

"You can't just keep taking him out to dinner at the same place," Lily says over the dinner table a few nights later. "He's gonna get bored eventually. You should take him out bowling. Or you guys could go to the movies or something."

  
  


"Those are date places."

  
  


"So are restaurants," Lily says, narrowing her eyes at him.

  
  


"Bowling isn't a date place," Harry says, tilting his head in confusion. "You've taken me bowling."

  
  


Sirius grins. "Eat your broccoli, love. And don't hold your breath for that date; you're a little bit young for me."

  
  


Harry smiles and pushes the piece of broccoli around hesitantly for a moment, then takes a heaping forkful of mashed potatoes.

  
  


"And Remus isn't?" James asks without looking up from his plate.

  
  


Sirius doesn't say anything. He’s getting sick of James’ snide remarks, but, instead of making a scene in front of Harry, opts instead to take a long gulp of wine. "This is good, Lily. Where'd you buy it?"

  
  


"Oh, that little liquor store in the parking lot next to the grocery store, you know the one? It wasn't too expensive either."

  
  


Sirius nods. "I'm usually not a red wine person, but this is good."

  
  


"Padfoot?" Harry asks timidly.

  
  


"Hmm?"

  
  


"Can I try it?"

  
  


"Just a sip," he says before Lily can answer, and he glances up at her disapproving look as he passes Harry the glass.

  
  


"Ew!" Harry says as he hands it back. "That's awful, why would you drink that?"

  
  


"When you grow up, your taste buds start to die," Sirius tells him, "And you stop noticing that all of the gross things taste so bad."

  
  


Harry laughs and Sirius takes the glass back and takes another sip, and really, he'd rather have a beer, but wine is the adult thing to drink at dinner, he supposes, and he turned into an adult at some point without noticing, so now this is the thing to do.

  
  


"Oh!" Lily says suddenly. "The baby's kicking again. It's been doing this all day."

  
  


"Let me feel," James says. He seems to instantly become ecstatic, finally looking up. He leans over, palm open on Lily's stomach, and his eyes light up with pure joy. Sirius swishes the wine around in his glass as he watches them; Lily adjusts James' hand and James makes a soft gasping noise.

  
  


"I don't understand what the big deal is," Harry says.

  
  


Sirius laughs and says, "Me either," but he'd really like to ask Lily if he can feel it too. There’s something absolutely magical about this moment, about witnessing first-hand the tiny little  _ life _ growing inside of one of his oldest friends, his new family member, but at the same time it’s not his magical moment; it’s James’. They look so _ happy _ , with James cooing over her stomach and Lily cooing back at him.

  
  


"All they talk about is the new baby," Harry says.

  
  


"Are you jealous?" Sirius asks. Harry eyes his cup of soda and says nothing, so Sirius continues, "They're just excited about having a new baby. They're not going to care about you any less after the baby's born, love."

  
  


"It's just different," Harry mumbles. James now has his ear pressed to Lily's stomach, mouth breaking open into a wide, radiant grin.

  
  


"When you were tiny, you were all they ever talked about. We were still young, and it used to drive me mad. They were trying not to turn into this," Sirius says, gesturing at the two of them now, "And though they were utterly failing, Lily would tell James to go out some nights like normal, and they'd switch off, and you'd think things could've been somewhat normal-- but they were smitten with you, kid. We'd be trying to have a pint and all James could talk about was how little your feet were or how cute your nose was or what noises you made that day. And we'd have to go back home so he could see you, because he'd miss you too much after a couple hours."

  
  


"But they're not like that anymore."

  
  


"Mmh, well, your nose didn't quite age gracefully, so..."

  
  


Harry laughs despite himself, and Sirius grins and leans over to kiss him on the forehead. This child has been so much of his life, and his heart swells with his own joy every time he sees him happy; he gave up his youth for Harry's happiness, and every time the boy smiles he can’t imagine ever feeling an ounce of remorse over his decision.

  
  


"I'm not 5 years old anymore," Harry complains, but Sirius wishes he was. He wants him to stay young forever. Time seems to fly by lately. But he’s right; he’s getting to be so big.

  
  


Sirius smiles to himself as he begins to stand up. "I haven't forgotten how big you are, you and your freaky nose. What do you say we go see a movie, huh? Anything you've been wanting to see? Not a date, mind."

  
  


"I dunno. We have to ask mom and dad if I can go," Harry reminds him, wrinkling his eyebrows up at the complication.

  
  


"Forget that," Sirius says, snatching Harry up out of his chair. "I'm kidnapping you."

  
  


"Padfoot! Put me down!" he says, laughing, as Sirius carries him towards the front door. His laugh tingles through the house. It’s like a tiny version of Lily’s, still working through its cultivation. He can imagine it enchanting someone special someday the way it enchants him now.

  
  


"Sirius," Lily calls in a warning tone. "At least let him put his shoes on!"

  
  


Sirius stops to scoop them up off the ground on his way out the front door.

 

******

  
  
Sirius gets to sleep in Monday morning, which is practically a miracle considering his recent schedule. Harry had slept over his house, so Lily came to get him early in the morning, but Sirius managed to fall back asleep after that, so he ends up both behind the counter at the coffee shop mid afternoon and well rested.

  
  


The flow of customers has been a slow trickle since he came in at around one, and two hours later, he's still only served a handful of people. He leans slumped against the counter, watching the sidewalk outside.

  
  


He remembers the cool breeze from several nights before, the look in Remus' eyes, and the feeling of Remus on the bike behind him, and now he wonders where he is, because usually he comes at around 2:30, and it's already 3:00, but the sidewalk outside is barren. He's the only one in the shop now that James left around 1, and he's just been staring out the window and listening to the slow drip of the coffee maker for two hours now.

  
  


Thus it surprises him when Remus Lupin flies by the window in a blur, looking frantic, at around 3:15 with another person following close behind him. The bell above the door jingles violently as Remus rushes inside, chased by the figure hastily tailing him.

  
  


"Remus, you can't keep avoiding me forever, you're going to have to talk to me about our date--"

  
  


"Hi," Remus says urgently, and Sirius can see the fear in his eyes: _ you told me to come to you if I needed help, here I am, I need help. _

  
  


"Hi," Sirius says, squinting at Remus’ aggressive admirer.

  
  


"Excuse me," the pushy kid says to Sirius without looking at him. "Remus, it's been two weeks now. We're going out again _ tonight _ ."

  
  


Remus shoots him a desperate, pleading look. Sirius quickly steps around the counter and sizes the kid up. "Excuse me, who are you?"

  
  


"What's it to you?" he says, narrowing his brown eyes at Sirius. "Who  _ are _ you ?"

  
  


"I would be his boyfriend," Sirius says, wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulders. He raises an eyebrow at the kid, who turns a little red. Remus himself looks startled, glancing at Sirius for some kind of confirmation. Sirius rubs his fingers into his shoulder comfortingly.

  
  


"How old are you, anyway?" the kid asks.

  
  


"Hmm, old enough to know that one botched date does not allow you to stalk someone two weeks after the fact."

  
  


"Bullshit. You're not-- Remus doesn't have a boyfriend."

  
  


Sirius raises his eyebrows, and when the kid doesn't back down, he calmly pulls Remus in close and kisses him. Remus freezes at first, and then, after much coaxing, winds an arm around Sirius' waist and leans into the kiss. Sirius makes a small, dramatic, contented noise. They hear the bells above the shop door jingle seconds later.

  
  


"Well," Sirius says, quickly distancing himself.

  
  


"Oh god," Remus begins. His fave is very pale, his golden eyes wide. Sirius hurries behind the counter to grab him a drink. "I didn't. You didn't have to-- I didn't mean to bring him here, even, but I couldn't go home, and--"

  
  


"It's perfectly fine, Remus. I'd rather you came here than let him force you into anything," he says. "Water?"

  
  


Remus takes it, dazed, and furrows his eyebrows as he takes a sip obediently. "But I-- I mean, you didn't have to _ kiss me _ . I'm sorry."

  
  


"It wasn't exactly a burden," Sirius says, leaning over the counter with a wide smile. The color returns to Remus' face with astounding speed. Sirius laughs at the wide, doe-like look in his eyes and the small unconscious gap between his lips. "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies like that."

  
  


"Are you gay?"

  
  


"You know what I admire about you, Remus Lupin?” Sirius asks, grinning teasingly. “You've got _ tact _ . That's not easy to find in a man. I really like that."

  
  


Remus blushes even deeper now. His whole face is consumed in heat. "I'm sorry. I just figured... sorry."

  
  


"I am. Quite."

  
  


Remus looks at him for a long moment. Sirius drums his fingers on the countertop and smiles at this flustered boy, at Remus Lupin, with his rosy cheeks and sinless eyes. "I. Oh, then."

  
  


"Yeah. Contrary to the popular in-the-closet stereotype, I think you might be the first person to ever  _ not _ know,” he jokes. “I believe you owe me a story, though."

  
  


"Oh," Remus just says again. His cheeks haven’t lightened a single shade.

  
  


"Shall we have a seat?" Sirius asks, coming from behind the counter to gesture to a table.

  
  


"You're sitting out here," Remus says, quirking one eyebrow at him, and Sirius grins because he’s finally vocal once more.

  
  


"That I am," he says. "You earned it. So what's going on?"

  
  


Remus slides into the chair across from him and looks down at the table top for a moment before peeking up at Sirius again. Sirius loves how he does that—always looking up at him through the fringe of his hair with those innocent eyes. "Well. When I first realized that I might be..."

  
  


"Gay?"

  
  


"No," Remus answers right away. "I'm not sure. Not gay. More like..."

  
  


"Queer?" Sirius offers.

  
  


"Yeah. We'll go with that. Anyway, we were friends, and he noticed I was nervous and kept bugging me about what was going on, so I told him, and he told me that he was, too, and it was nice having him around, you know? To not be alone, to know someone else who knew what it was like and to just. Have somebody who knew and didn't think less of me for it. And so I kind of put up with the fact that he was flirting with me all the time. He would like..." Remus looks away, fingering the stretched out sleeve of his jumper in one hand. "He would ask me out all the time, and one night a few weeks ago he came up to me and was like, 'you can't say no anymore, I made reservations at a nice restaurant tonight, I'll pay and you don't have to worry about anything, it'll be nice.' So I went, because I didn't, you know, I didn't want him to get mad at me. And it was actually... not that bad? So I thought maybe I should've said yes earlier. He was a lot easier to talk to when he wasn't laying it on so thick, and he walked me... well, a couple blocks from home because he knows about my, or well, the situation with my parents, you know. And I thought it went okay? It was my first date. And he went to kiss me and I kind of panicked and turned my head to the side—you know, so he kissed me on the cheek. And he's been hounding me even worse than before, acting like I owe him something for... I don't know."

  
  


"You don't." Sirius says firmly.

  
  


"I know," Remus answers. His eyes still crinkle guiltily at the corners. "I just don't have a lot of friends, and I'm worried he'll, I don't know, out me or whatever."

  
  


"If he does that, I will find him and he  _ will _ regret it. You don't do that. Like—you know how girls have girl code or whatever, like there's certain things you just _ don't do _ because it's hard enough as it is already being oppressed by society that you don't need to fuck things up for each other any more? Well, you don't out someone who isn't ready."

  
  


"I don't know. Can’t be too safe. Anyway. Thank you."

  
  


"Of course." Sirius watches him until the tips of his ears turn red and then he says, "So you never kissed him?" Remus shakes his head, so he adds, "Have you ever kissed _ anyone _ ?"

  
  


"Well," Remus says, gesturing to the spot behind Sirius that they'd kissed in just a few minutes ago.

  
  


"Shit.” Sirius says, eyes bugging in surprise. Sure, Remus looks innocent, but he always assumed that was just his coy facade, that underneath he wasn’t quite the virgin his big, wide eyes so desperately emblazoned. “Fuck, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't have--"

  
  


"No, it's okay. It's not a big deal. I mean, I don't think it is. It's not really a thing to me," Remus says softly, his brown eyes searching for Sirius’ with utter honesty.

  
  


"Still. I'm so sorry."

  
  


"It's fine. I mean, more than fine, really. I doubt he'll do anything now that he knows my boyfriend will go after him."

  
  


"Exactly. I mean, no one tries to start shit with someone who has a lip ring. Not even some cocky little gay kid."

  
  


Remus rolls his eyes, but he's smiling again, which is good enough for Sirius. "Right, of course."

  
  


"And—on a more serious note—if there ever is something you want to talk about, regarding the gay stuff--"

  
  


"Queer stuff," Remus interrupts.

  
  


"The queer stuff, then. Come to me, not that little shit."

  
  


"You're getting awfully defensive on my behalf," Remus says with a small grin, and dear Christ, he's purposely flirting, and this time it's Sirius whose ears are burning.

  
  


"You, Remus Lupin," he says, "are exactly like me circa 2002, and I do not want you to end up like me circa 2003."

  
  


"God, but that was a long time ago. You're so  _ old _ ."

  
  


"Fuck you," Sirius says with a grin. "I'm trying to live in denial."

  
  


Remus laughs, and a smile lingers on the corners of his mouth as he looks at Sirius. A companionable silence hovers in the air for a moment before Remus asks, "Did you know I was gay?"

  
  


Sirius contemplates this for a moment. He isn’t sure what Remus is looking for here; he doubts anyone’s been pouring over the evidence quite as thoroughly as Sirius. "I wasn’t sure. Lily thought so."

  
  


"Can you ask her why?"

  
  


"Hmm, probably wishful thinking. She tries to marry me off to anyone older than 5 that I cross paths with. Probably wants me out of the house," Sirius reassures, grinning.

  
  


"You live with them?" Remus asks, tilting his head. He seems genuinely interested; Sirius feels like he could talk to him for hours. 

  
  


"Well, no," he says. "I mean, at some point you cross a boundary. But I spent a lot of time there. I eat dinner with them all the time. Especially with the baby, and Harry just... he's not used to having their attention on something else, so it's hard for him, you know. He's been an only child for 9 years."

  
  


"They must've had him when they were so young. Only, what, 17? 18?"

  
  


"They were 18 when he was born. They weren't... I mean, they didn't plan for it, but they weren't upset either. It was kind of like, they weren't ready but it wasn't that hard to get ready. I was there for them, and Lily's parents were very accepting, and James' just adored Lily and Harry as well. They used to dote on him before, well. They were young but that kid was and is well loved. They just wanted to be able to have this one without having to count on their parents for free babysitting all the time."

  
  


"Does Harry think it's weird? That you, well..."

  
  


"That I'm gay? I don't think he's even really known anything else. I mean, he grew up knowing that his uncle Padfoot dates men like his mother and father like the opposite sex. It isn't a thing until someone makes it a thing, you know?"

  
  


"Padfoot?" Remus says, eyebrows quirking inquisitively.

  
  


Sirius blushes. "Yeah. James' nickname for me. We came up with them in high school. And you, um, you're Moony, in case you were interested."

  
  


"Why? Wait, the shirt?"

  
  


"Um. Yeah. Sure."

  
  


Remus raises his eyebrows. "What then?"

  
  


The bell over the door jingles again, and Sirius winks at Remus as he stands up. "I gotta get back to work. I'll see you around. The kiss wasn't half bad, by the way."

  
  


When he looks up from the blender halfway through mixing the customer's drink, Remus is still sitting there slack jawed, watching him with fascination, but by the time the customer’s handed him the money, their table is empty, and soon he’s alone in the shop once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Look at me, updating regularly. Let me know what you think w comments!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know everyone's probably going to be like, wtf, why did they go see this movie that came out a year and a half ago? Well, that's when I first wrote this chapter. So. That's how things are. And yes I'm v sorry it's just getting posted now, it has in fact been on my hard drive since 2014. Anyway.

"That was actually pretty good," Remus says to him as they spill out onto the sidewalk along with the rest of the crowd from the theater. "I liked the first one better, but I heard this one got pretty mixed reviews."

 

"It doesn't hurt that Andrew Garfield is pretty fit."

 

Remus wrinkles his nose and turns to him with a half-raised eyebrow. "Andrew Garfield?"

 

"Mmh. He's, I don't know, cute."

 

Remus huffs. "Would think you'd be more into punk guys like Russell Brand, or at least guys from, like, bands or something, like, I don't know, someone from the Buzzcocks or whatever you listen to."

 

Sirius laughs and bumps his shoulder into Remus'. "Russell Brand is not punk, and certainly not since he married Katy Perry. Although he did used to have quite the look. And have you ever seen the guys from the Buzzcocks? Good lord. Anyway, I'm really more about the aesthetics than the music."

 

"So what music do you listen to? Who's your favorite hot band dude?"

 

"Hmm," he says. "I don't listen to a lot of bands with attractive guys. Jeff Mangum isn't terrible."

 

"Oh, _ gross _ . He's in his 40's."

 

"That he is."

 

"Well, I for one think Russell Brand is pretty attractive."

 

"He's almost 40 too," Sirius says with a small grin. He watches Remus out of the corner of his eye. Remus is not one for eye contact during conversations, and at first this made Sirius feel a little bit odd, but now he likes that he can watch Remus uninterrupted, look for the quirks in his smile and the pull at his cheekbone and the narrowing of his eyes as he thinks really hard. "Punk Russell Brand?"

 

"Oh, yes," Remus says, now glancing over at him with a very solid, serious gaze. "I'm very into punk guys."

 

"Such a _ flirt _ , Remus. You've really got to get a handle on that."

 

Remus laughs, leaning into Sirius' shoulder as they walk along together. "I thought this was a _ date _ ," he says in mock surprise. "What do I do with these chocolate and flowers?"

 

"Well, if you had them, I'd still take them. I just probably wouldn't put out.

 

" _ Probably _ ."

 

"Yeah," Sirius says, glancing over at him. "Depends on the brand."

 

Remus laughs and then shivers a little bit. He wraps his arms around himself. "What brand would you like, my darling?"

 

"Hmm... what are you looking for here? A kiss? A blow job? Full on anal? You know, I'd probably be into rimming if you got me like, Godiva."

 

"You know, Sirius," Remus says. He's sorta squinting off into the distance as he talks, arms wound tight around his thin chest. Sirius knows he's pushing boundaries, but Remus still looks amused, the corner of his lip curling up just so. "You've got this tendency to take the joke too far."

 

"Mmh. Are you cold?"

 

"A little, but I'm fine."

 

"Do you want my jacket?"

 

Remus shakes his head with a grin, glancing up to the dark sky. "I didn't get you the chocolates or flowers, Sirius."

 

"Well, then, I guess I'll let you freeze."

 

"I don't need your jacket."

 

"Suit yourself."

 

" _ Tell me _ that wasn't a pun."

 

Sirius snickers and Remus throws his head back and groans, but then he laughs too, and Sirius tucks his head to hide his grin.

 

"I can't take you anymore."

 

"Do you have a curfew?" Sirius says suddenly. The stores around them are all closed down for the night, and it's only just occurred to him that it's after midnight.

 

"No," Remus says. "They don't, um, really care, usually."

 

"I just don't want you to get in trouble."

 

"It's fine."

 

"Okay," Sirius says. "Tonight was a lot of fun. And not even just because Andrew Garfield is hot. I haven't really had friends other than Lily and James for a long time. Well, and their parent friends, you know, Harry's friends' parents and stuff, but that's not the same."

 

"Well," Remus says, stopping, and Sirius figures they must be about a block from Remus' house. They've got to start going out during the day when there are other people around, Sirius thinks, because these moments when they are the only ones in the world in the dark of the night with only the moon lighting up Remus' features, especially his big, bright eyes, are keeping him awake at night. "I know what you mean. I don't exactly have a lot of friends at school either. The home stuff is just, not easy for them to understand."

 

"Yeah, it was like that for me before I left home, too. I had James and that was it.'

 

Remus smiles a little bit and his eyes look almost hopeful.

 

"Fuck it," Sirius says, and he leans in to wrap his arms around Remus.

 

"What are you--" Remus starts, but then he hugs right back. Sirius' body is so broad and strong, and he nearly covers Remus when they hug despite being a good four inches shorter, although partially due to the fact that Sirius hugs desperately, gripping tightly. Remus has never known a hug to be vehement. "We're hugging now?" Remus says after a beat. Sirius is still wrapped around him. He's worried his knees are going to give out.

 

"Well, _ now _ , yes."

 

"Sirius," he says, and then he's laughing into his hair, although he quickly stops when he realizes how lovely Sirius smells: like incense and fresh coffee and the outdoors and just enough like pot to be noticeable up this close, which of course just makes Remus grin because everything about this man is so endearing to him. Sirius finally pulls away, keeping his hands on Remus' shoulders across from him.

 

"Good night," he says. "Good luck with your parents. See you tomorrow?"

 

"Good night," Remus says. "Tomorrow for sure."

 

Sirius smiles a little bit with a sense of reassuring himself that yes, he really needs to go, and Remus smiles back encouragingly, and the Sirius turns and begins walking away. He tears himself away like a band aid. Everything he does, Remus notes on the walk home, is like that: done decisively and abruptly and permanently. Like liking himself, Remus thinks, like wanting to spend time with him. And that last small smile on Sirius' face gives him the courage to plow between his parents and the TV to get to his room.

 

******

 

"So he's gay?"

 

"No," Sirius says. "He's probably pan or bi."

 

Lily groans. "You know what I meant."

 

Sirius makes a soft humming sound. "I'd still prefer you watched your words, but go on."

 

"Well, he might like you then. You've been spending a lot of time together."

 

"He might," Sirius agrees. "I have been thinking about this a lot, believe it or not."

 

"I can imagine," Lily says. "Like in the shower this morning?" she adds, just before she slips into the back to get her coat.

 

"You're horrid," he calls back, and she laughs and then makes a soft gasping sound.

 

"Come here," she says, stepping out of the back again. "They're kicking so hard."

 

Sirius presses his hand to Lily's stomach. He can feel it, too, pressing back and moving, and it's no less amazing and miraculous than it was when Harry was still in the womb. "God," he says. "That's amazing."

 

"Hmm, maybe to you. It's getting annoying. Was going all night last night. I couldn't sleep."

 

"The miracle of life," he says with a soft grin. The baby is still kicking hard against his hand. He kneels down to the floor and leans into Lily's stomach. "Hi, baby," he coos. "I'm uncle Padfoot. How's it goin' in there?"

 

The bell above the door jingles as Lily laughs, affectionately running a hand through Sirius' hair. "Get up," she tells him, and he does, glancing over at the newcomer.

 

"Oh," he says. "Hey!"

 

Remus smiles at Sirius' genuine enthusiasm, and then glances at Lily. "Hey," he says.

 

"Hi," she says to Remus, quite warmly, and then turns to give Sirius a quick hug. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says.

 

"See you," Sirius says. Lily's developed a bit of a waddle, and she makes her way out to the car slowly and laboriously.

 

"What were you doing?"

 

Sirius looks over at Remus now. "Hmm? Oh, I was, um. Talking to the baby?" Remus grins at him, and he feels the tips of his ears heating up, so he continues, "Do you want something to drink?"

 

"No, I'm fine," he says. "Come sit?"

 

So Sirius walks out and they sit at the same table again, facing each other. Remus bites his lip softly, just looking at Sirius. His amber eyes are both piercing and comforting, and he finds himself subconsciously leaning in across the table.

 

"So," Remus begins. "How was your morning?"

 

"Not terrible," he says. "I slept in because Lily opened, so that was nice. Did everything go okay last night?"

 

"Yeah. I mean they didn't do anything, so yeah."

 

"That's good," he says, and he wonders what it's like there that not being hit is 'good.'

 

"Don't worry," Remus says. "I'm fine. It's not. You know. It's fine."

 

"Hmm," Sirius says. "How've things been going with that guy?"

 

"Ugh. He hasn't been talking to me at all, just glaring at me in the hallway."

 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I mean, that's what you needed to do. I know that it sucks that he's not around, but you don't want him around anyway."

 

"Yeah. I just. I wish someone normal would want to spend time with me."

 

"I'm pretty close to normal," Sirius jokes, dipping his head in to try and catch Remus' eyes. It's so hard to tell what he's feeling. He'll never look at Sirius. He keeps his head down or his eyes somewhere else, and Sirius never gets to see what he's thinking.

 

"You are."

 

Sirius extends his legs under the table until their knees brush. He wants to touch Remus, to hold him and care for him, but he figures it'd probably be weird if he just reached over to touch his hands. "I'm sorry, Remus. High school sucks for some people and I know it's now but it's not forever. High school is four short years of your life and there is going to be so much more after and people are so different after high school."

 

"Save the anti-suicide talk," Remus says, not unkindly.

 

"Well, you've got me, anyway," Sirius says, and Remus smiles. "If not to make up for everything then just to replace that one dick. Remember what I said about the queer stuff."

 

"Yeah," Remus says, "Speaking of that, can I ask you something?"

 

"Of course."

 

"So I have this friend," Remus says, and Sirius rolls his eyes right away. "Shut up and listen. I've got this friend, and he knows this guy who's years younger than him, but they really like each other and they've got really good chemistry. What do you think he should do? Do you think the gap is too much?"

 

"Well," Sirius says. He squints a little bit at Remus, who is gnawing on his lip nervously and turning new, interesting shades of red by the second. "I think that it's something serious that they should really talk about before they decide to try anything. I don't think it's necessarily a concrete road block, but it's important and can't just be ignored. The thing about age gaps is that they kind of grant superiority to the older person, which is not something you want in a relationship. So I think the risk of feeling that way needs to be discussed, also how to discuss and work through it when it comes up along the road. They both have to be mature enough to handle that."

 

Remus nods, running a hand through his hair. It looks quite messy now, and his cheeks are red as ever. "I get what you mean."

 

"I like you, Remus, but I want you to think about that, okay?"

 

"Well I... Okay."

 

Sirius reaches across the table and takes Remus' hand. He squeezes it gently, then runs his thumb over the back of it. His palm is just a little bit sweaty, and he feels a muscle in Remus' wrist twitch when he gives his hand another squeeze. "Which is not a no."

 

"But it doesn't bother you? Other than that."

 

"If I felt like we were really that different, I wouldn't be spending so much time with you. I spend enough of my free time babysitting."

 

Remus smiles a little bit, and Sirius grins back encouragingly. "I'm glad," he says.

 

"Thank you for bringing it up. You're obviously much more brave than I am, even blushing and all."

 

The faded flush in Remus' cheeks returns with a vengeance. "Sirius," he says.

 

"It's cute," Sirius insists with a grin. "Come here," he adds, and he leans across the table to fix Remus' hair. It's so soft, unbelievably so, even with the sticky product that holds it in place. It's almost worth taking his hand out of Remus' to touch it. "You messed it all up." Remus closes his eyes and ducks his head a little bit as Sirius pushes the last few locks back into place. "There we go."

 

"Thanks," Remus says, quietly. Sirius smiles at him, and a moment passes between them, silent, as Remus eyes Sirius' now empty hand and Sirius watches Remus' quiet contemplation. "So," Remus says eventually. "When is Lily due?"

 

"February," Sirius says. "She's 5 months in, so."

 

"She's not that big. Isn't 5 months, like, bigger than that?"

 

"I dunno. She was even smaller when she had Harry. The whole pregnancy thing is weird and gross. Thank god I'll never have to deal with it."

 

Remus laughs. "Do you want kids?"

 

"Not biological ones? I mean, in general it'd be pretty hard to find a guy with the right equipment. Maybe I'll put an advert up on craigslist."

 

"God, you're awful," Remus says, laughing. "I meant like adopted."

 

"Well. I guess. Yeah. I wouldn't want to do it myself though, you know? If I get married or whatever one day, then yeah. I'm, well, this is embarrassing, but I'm really really good with kids."

 

"Well, you were there for Harry."

 

"Mmh," Sirius says. "I do though—I want a girl."

 

"What would you name her?"

 

"Huh. I don't know. I really do like the old Greek and Latin names, but I don't want to do the astronomy thing, you know? If I have a kid, it's not gonna be how they did it."

 

"I know what you mean," Remus says. "And it's like a message, that you can do what they couldn't. Or well, it would be for me."

 

"It's partly that. It was that with Harry. Kid's spoiled rotten now because of me, of course."

 

"That's so cute," Remus says, smiling. His eyes are practically shining. "What is he like? He's nine, right?"

 

"Yeah. He's, I don't know, he's a great kid. He's really nice and he's also probably one of the most empathetic nine year olds I've ever met. I don't know. I think we did a good job."

 

Remus laughs. "Did you really help raise him that much?"

 

"Well, I mean, I guess. I was there a lot. None of us knew what we were doing, but there were three of us who didn't know what we were doing, which made things a little bit better."

 

Remus nods, supporting his chin with his fist. He looks deeply into Sirius' eyes. "I can really see you as a good parent. Or uncle, I guess."

 

Sirius smiles a little bit and breaks the eye contact, looking down at the marble patterned tabletop. "I've had some practice, I guess. I'm guessing you're an only child?"

 

"Thank God," he says. "I wouldn't want anyone else to have to be in that house. What about you?"

 

"I have a younger brother, Regulus," he says. "He lived with them until they, well, our mother died, and then he put our father in a nursing home. He played nice with them; I don't think he necessarily approved of how awful and oppressive they were, but he played nice, so our parents played nice back for the most part. Anyway, after that, he moved to the states, and I haven't seen him in... well, not since I left. I didn't go to the funeral and I only found out he left from our uncle. It sucks because I don't think he was like them, but it is what it is."

 

"I'm sorry. But at least he did what he wanted, right?"

 

"Yeah," Sirius says. "I don't really think about it a lot. It's just... I wish it would go away, but it's there, and that's that. James is more my brother than Regulus ever was, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter are the ones I think of when someone asks me about my parents."

 

Remus nods. "Is it easier to talk about eventually, then?"

 

"I guess so. When you're not expecting it to jump out of the shadows and come running after you again."

 

"And to forgive?" Remus prods, eyes looking concerned and hopeful at once.

 

Sirius' look is long and thoughtful, but it's very cold. His usually pale blue eyes are now a clear gray. He's looking at something just past Remus' ear when he answers, "No. I don't think so. And I don't think it's worth it to try."

 

"I'm-- well. I'm sorry," he says. "That things were like that. And that—just that everything was shitty. But you're happy now, and that's. Well, I almost didn't believe that could happen."

 

Sirius smiles a little bit. "Is my story inspirational to you? Have I found a use for my 16 years spent with a bigoted drunk man and his manipulative wife?"

 

"I think you have, Sirius. Maybe you could become an inspirational speaker. You could give speeches to like, secondary school kids."

 

"A dream come true," Sirius jokes. "What time is it, anyway?"

 

Remus checks his phone. "Wow, 4:30 already? I should probably head home."

 

"Okay. Well, I think we covered all the bases. Serious emotional conversation, small talk, in depth grieving over our pitiful childhoods..."

 

"Glad to know you have a checklist for our conversations," Remus says, standing up and pushing his chair in.

 

Sirius gets up to join him, and he's smiling as he leans in until Remus' eyes are wide with surprise. "Well, you're only here for like an hour. I need to get the most out of it." And then he wraps his arms around Remus, pulling him in for a close hug. Remus responds almost immediately, pressing right back against him. Sirius can feel the light muscles in Remus' chest against his, the curve of his hipbones, the  press of his thighs. Remus' fingers dig into his lower back. He's so warm and whole in his arms, smelling of thrift stores and books and a little big of cologne. When he finally does pull back, he dips in to kiss Remus on the cheek. "See you," he says. "Don't forget to think about what I said."

 

"Of course not," he agrees breathlessly, then pauses and adds, "See you," and then he's out the door, looking quite flustered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also noticed that I asked for comments which I don't really think is an ao3 thing so much and is just something I remember from my grandma days at ff.net, so that was prob silly sounding? But thank you guys for reading, feels kinda weird that I can restart a story two years later and people still want to read it. But thank you!! Also, happy holidays and happy new year!


	8. Chapter 8

Remus spends the next week leaning over a table in the coffee shop, deep in conversation with Sirius. The days seem to slip by without him noticing; each day he spends an hour or two talking about everything under the sun with Sirius. They sit at the same table each time, fully engrossed in one another. Sirius finds that Remus blushes just slightly when he winds their ankles together under the table. Remus notices that Sirius' eyes cloud over when he takes his hand on the table top, and his speech stutters and buckles when he runs his thumb over the back of his hand. They spend time learning each other, from the way Remus' mouth twitches at the corner when you've said something that makes him uncomfortable to the way Sirius keeps his mouth just slightly open when he's paying close attention to what you're saying. Sirius could fill a notebook with the things he learns about Remus in that one week: on Wednesday, for instance, Remus tells him about his realization, at 5 years old, that not all households were like his. He has to pause in the middle of a story about going out to get ice cream with a friend and their mother to bit his lip so hard it almost bleeds, and Sirius watches with a mix of fascination and grief.

 

And Sirius tells him about sneaking out to visiting James' cottage over the summer when he was a teenager and the break in the monotonous oppression and hatred of the Black household, and in telling the story of his inevitable punishment upon return, he sees the difference between sympathy and empathy in Remus' expression.

 

Listening to Remus talk is like watching a flower blossom. He hears everything and remembers it just as well, and then he turns over the new secrets in his head at night as he tries to figure out exactly who this man is. He never comes away with anything less than respect, admiration, and affection, and he's right back to high school, falling asleep smiling and blushing like a schoolgirl with his mind focused only on Remus.  
  
By the time Thursday comes, just the sight of Remus' mop of light brown hair is enough to get Sirius' heart pounding. When he walks in the door, he looks as antsy and nervous as he did Monday. Sirius is already sitting at their table, two cups of coffee in front of him.

 

"What's wrong?" Sirius asks.

 

"Nothing," Remus answers, and he smiles, genuinely but anxiously, at Sirius.

 

"Sit," Sirius says, pushing Remus' coffee forward.

 

Remus does so, taking a long sip of it before he sets it down. "So how was dinner with James and Lily last night?"

 

"It was good," Sirius answers warmly. "I haven't been spending as much time there lately, so Harry was happy to see me. And Lily and James are still doing their domestic bliss thing."

 

"Is everything with the baby doing okay?" Remus asks politely.

 

"Yeah. Kid's going to come out of the womb spoiled, I swear to god. Prongs spends every free second cooing at her stomach,” Sirius says with a grin.

 

"That's..." Remus begins, searching for a kind word.

 

"Yeah, right? Straight people are so fucking weird,” Sirius says.

 

Remus laughs, and then they fall back into their easy pace, hooking their ankles together under the table and subconsciously leaning in to one another. "You're awful, Padfoot."

 

Sirius grins easily. "Are you really going to start using the nicknames?"

 

Remus pauses and then says, "Is it okay? I thought--"

 

"It's fine, _Moony_ ," Sirius says with a sly smile. Remus feels his stomach wither away at the sight.

 

"I wanted to talk to you." Remus says suddenly. It comes forth like he's been waiting to say it since he came through the door.

 

"Lucky for you, you talk to me almost every day,” Sirius jokes nervously.

 

"No... really. You told me to think about stuff on Monday so I did,” Remus says.

 

Sirius looks surprised at this. He blinks hard and then folds his arms on the table, leaning forward. His eyes are big and gray and piercing. "Yeah? And what do you think?"

 

"I think you're right in saying that it's a big responsibility, the age difference,” Remus begins, looking into Sirius' eyes earnestly. “And that it's something we need to be conscious of, and that it's something that we need to be careful of and to watch for either of us abusing it."

 

"Hmm," Sirius responds, looking unimpressed. His eyes are narrow as he scrutinizes Remus.

 

"And I also think," he says, grinning a little bit now, "That it was a little condescending, how you asked me to think about it and take it seriously. You can't act like I think like a kid if this is going to work at all."

 

Sirius' whole demeanor relaxes as he laughs, leaning back in his chair. He looks (and sounds) kind of like a happy dog when he laughs. Remus smiles soppily and leans forward a little bit more. "Okay. Good,” Sirius says simply.

 

"Was that a test?" Remus asks, turning his head inquisitively.

 

"No, not really,” Sirius answers honestly. “But I think you passed anyway."

 

"See, you're manipulating me already," Remus jokes.

 

Sirius leans across the table, leaning his forearms on the top. The laughter is gone from his eyes and he's again got his sober face on again. "I'm serious, you know. It's not. I mean, the jokes are okay. As long as you get that if you ever feel like I'm _actually_ doing that, you need to say something."

 

"Okay," Remus says. "I know, Sirius. I wouldn't be interested if I didn't trust you and feel comfortable talking to you."

 

Sirius grins then, leaning in just a bit more. There's mere inches between them now, and the air is exhilarating, invigorating, and Sirius breathes out, "Your second kiss ever?"

 

"Stop fetishizing my innocence, Black," Remus responds, and then the moment is gone, Sirius leaning back in his chair with laughter once again at the unexpected retort.

 

Sirius' smile is so genuinely warm when his laughter dies off, and he just gives Remus this lovely look of wonder and fondness that Remus quite enjoys, and he says, "What are you doing Saturday night?"

 

"Saturday?" Remus asks.

 

"Yeah," Sirius prompts. “Like six or sevenish at night?

 

"Nothing, I don't think. Why?" Remus asks. He looks genuinely confused and it again strikes Sirius that this is new to him; he's never been asked out in a kind and respectful manner before. Sirius finds it attractive and, well, adorable, in the way that he finds everything else about Remus attractive; not because it's novel, but just because it's Remus.

 

"Would you like to go out to dinner?" Sirius asks, smiling kindly.

 

"Like, regular dinner like we've been doing?" Remus asks. Sirius sees the hope in his eyes now, and he feels his stomach go soft, wanting nothing more than to lean across the table and kiss Remus' soft, pink lips.

 

"No," Sirius says, scooting in until their knees brush. "Like, I'll take you out to an actual nice restaurant and then walk you home and we can kiss on the street corner or what have you."

 

"I... really? Are you being sarcastic?" Remus asks. His eyebrows are still furrowed, honey brown eyes searching Sirius' face.

 

Sirius laughs. It's warm and patient, and Remus feels his cheeks heat up because Sirius is a big, burning ball of energy and he's focusing it all on Remus, even more so than at their usual midday get togethers. "Remus Lupin, would you like to go on a date with me?"

 

"I, well. Yeah, of course,” Remus says. His honest enthusiasm makes Sirius grin.

 

"Okay," Sirius says. "So is that good? Six or seven?"

 

"6 is fine," Remus says. "But I have to tell you, I think your expectations are a little unrealistic." Sirius tilts his head in confusion, so he continues, "Yeah, I don't kiss on first dates, Sirius." Sirius looks as if he might not know if he's joking. Remus grins and continues, "But as long as you don't stalk me for two weeks if I turn my head when you try, we should be fine."

 

Sirius laughs. "You're such an idiot," he says, quite affectionately, and then he leans in and adds, "But I mean, we're not on a first date now."

 

"No? I guess not," Remus says, smiling coyly.

 

"Hmmm," Sirius purrs. They're so close that Remus can just barely see his eyes; his eyelids are drooped and his eyes are hazy, and then Remus can't see them anymore because Sirius is leaning in to press his lips to Remus'.

 

If anything, it's even better than the first time, because this time they're both doing it because they want to. Remus makes a gentle but pleased noise of surprise, and Sirius reaches around to curl his fingers into the hair as the back of his neck. His lips are surprisingly soft, and Sirius carefully directs him, pulling back on the hair at the back of his neck when he's pushing too hard and tugging him in closer when he's being too reluctant. It's not that bad, really, considering it's only his second kiss, and the first one he's really trying to participate in, but Sirius finds even the slip ups embarrassingly endearing. When they pull away, just barely, just enough to breathe against one another's mouths, Sirius finds that his heart is pounding like mad. He surreptitiously pulls his hands away and wipes them on his jeans. Embarrassing, really, he scolds himself, but Remus' eyes are so bright that really, no one could blame him.

 

"Well," Sirius says.

 

Remus looks anxious, brows all crinkled. "What?"

 

"I just. Thank god you have that wolf shirt. Thank god it's such a conversation starter."

 

Remus laughs, and then blushes, and then buries his face in his hands to hide the face that he's doing both at once. Sirius scoots in closer until his knee slips between Remus' and he can wrap his hands around Remus' forearms comfortingly.

 

"You're just making it worse," Remus whines, and Sirius laughs and leans in to kiss the backs of Remus' hands. "I need to go soon anyway," he says.

 

Sirius pulls back immediately and Remus lowers his hands, flushed face lined with confusion.

 

"What's wrong?" Remus asks.

 

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Sirius prompts.

 

"No, of course not," Remus says. "You don't have to be so sensitive." He adds, pushing his chair out to stand. "You haven't done anything at all that's bothered me since we first met, Sirius. Well. Maybe other than that annoying way you sip your coffee, but that can't be helped.

 

Sirius looks mortified. "What is it? What do I do?"

 

Remus laughs, bending down to kiss Sirius on the cheek. "I'm kidding. It's kind of endearing. I'll see you tomorrow?"

 

"Sure," he says. Remus has never seen Sirius' eyebrows crinkle in such innocent confusion before, but he does tilt his head up as if asking for another kiss. Remus bends over to meet him, and he stands there for a moment, towering over Sirius, sharing a sweet peck. When he pulls away, Sirius blinks a few times too many, and Remus laughs.

 

"I'll see you," he repeats, and Sirius repeats after him then, and watches Remus leave the shop with a grin, face tucked down as he walks quickly out of sight.

 

******

  
  
"Sirius," Lily says when she opens the door. She's wearing pajamas but Sirius can tell she hasn't gone to bed yet because she's still got make-up on, so he at least probably hasn't woken her up. Besides, he's far too excited to be concerned about that. "What are you doing here?"

 

"I have something to tell you," he says, pushing his way inside. "Is James here? Yeah, right?"

 

"He's putting Harry to bed," she says, closing the door. "Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"

 

"What's he still doing up?" Sirius asks. "And yeah, sure. What'd you make for dinner?"

 

"Pasta," she says. "Go microwave yourself a plate if you want," she adds, leading him into the kitchen. Her pregnancy is starting to show in her gait; she walks a little bit differently and a lot slower. Sirius would feel bad if she didn't look so happy all the time, even when she's upset or in pain. He's glad he can never have a baby and even gladder that he'll never have to have a pregnant wife. "I'll warm you up dinner when you're 5 and a half months pregnant and I show up at your door step at 10 at night, jumping around you like a puppy."

 

Sirius laughs, and she shoots him an inquisitive look that he is too far into the fridge to see. "I know how to use a microwave, Lily."

 

"So what's the big news?"

 

"Hmmm," Sirius says, scooping pasta onto a paper dish. "I dunno, maybe I should wait until James comes down to tell you."

 

" _Sirius_ ," she complains.

 

"Okay, fine," he says. "So. I have plans Saturday night."

 

"Is the news that you finally found other friends?" She asks dryly

 

"You are _lucky_ you're pregnant," he says, shooting a glare at her over his shoulder as he scoops meatballs onto the dish.

 

" _Well_?" she insists.

 

"I have a date," he says. He carefully avoids turning around as he puts his dish in the microwave, hiding the big grin and red cheeks on his face.

 

"A date." She repeats.

 

"That's what I said," he says. "Dinner and everything."

 

"Haven't you been doing that with Remus?" She asks.

 

"Yes. But," he says, turning around now. "This time it's a real date."

 

She blinks at him. "You asked him out?"

 

Sirius hums happily. Lily looks like she's in no mood to put up with the drama queen act. "He asked me."

 

"Oh," she says. "Sirius, that's... awh."

 

"I know," he says, leaning back against the counter. "And then we kissed this afternoon and. He's just so _lovely_."

 

"Are you talking about that kid again?" James asks from the doorway, and Sirius looks up with flushed cheeks.

 

"Not on, mate, tell me when you're there, especially if I'm being sappy." Sirius jokes.

 

"You've gotta get over that kid, Sirius. It's fine to hang out with him or whatever but you can't go out with him," James says casually, slipping into the chair next to Lily. Sirius feels his chest seize up. He grips the edge of the counter until his fingertips are white, watching as Lily stays stone still as James leans in to nuzzle her neck.

 

"James," Lily says slowly and carefully, "Sirius and Remus are going to dinner on Saturday."

 

"So they have been," he says, and again Sirius feels the pang in his chest of being an outsider in their lives. James' eyes are closed, which is all the better, because Sirius isn't sure he wants him to see his face right now. He's distantly aware of the microwave beeping behind him, but his throat is probably too tight to swallow anything right now.

 

"Sirius and Remus are going out to eat this Saturday," she repeats, "on a _date_."

 

Now James stops, looking up at Lily, then at Sirius, who has his teeth resolutely clamped down on the inside of his cheeks. "Oh," he says. "Sirius, mate. I know you like him, but don't you think that's kind of irresponsible?"

 

" _James_ ," Lily says, green eyes scalding as she pushes him off of her. Sirius watches them, and he remember when he thought that Lily was coming between him and James back in secondary school, and he remembers James telling him that nothing would ever change them, and he sees the negligence in James' eyes now and something in him breaks.

 

"What?" James says. "They're 10 years apart."

 

"Go upstairs," Lily says flatly but firmly. James cowers in the face of the contempt in her eyes and slips out of the doorway.

 

Sirius just looks at Lily. She's got an apology written all over her face, but Sirius doesn't need one from her. "I. I didn't know he disapproved of it _that_ much."

 

"Listen," Lily says. She's using her mom voice; Sirius always finds it comforting, if not a little condescending. He sinks into the seat next to her and rests his forehead on her shoulder. "He's just. He'll get over it, love. You can't decide what to do based on what James approves of."

 

"I know, but... _irresponsible_? I mean. And he didn't even. Fuck," Sirius says, pawing desperately at his eyes. His eyeliner smudges with each swipe.

 

"I am going to speak with him, believe me, but he's just exhausted, Sirius, he's been busy all day, and you know how he doesn't think sometimes when he gets like that."

 

"Do you think it's a bad idea?"

 

"Definitely not,” Lily reassures him. “I think you're good for each other."

 

"Thank you," Sirius says. "I think. I think I'm gonna take the pasta home. Do you think it could stand being reheated twice?"

 

"Not like you'll stop to taste it while you're wolfing it down, love," she says with a smile, kissing the top of his head just before he lifts it.

 

"Thank you," he says again, standing up. He grabs a container from the cabinet and begins pouring his plate of pasta in. "I just. Lately I've been feelings like I'm not welcome here, so I'm trying to make other friends and do things with other people, but James is just. Acting like he doesn't want me to? So I don't know what's going on."

 

"You'll always be welcome here, Pads. Don't be silly," she says, heaving herself up. "But if you want a boyfriend and you've found a nice guy, don't let James take that from you because he's being a myopic little twat because of the baby."

 

Sirius laughs, and Lily comes up behind him and hugs him just as he's putting the lid on. "Thank you," he says once more.

 

"We love you, Sirius. We all do. Don't start thinking we don't want you here."

 

"Lilyyyy. Too sappy. You're not being very punk," he says, mostly because he is still feeling a little sniffly.

 

She laughs and kisses his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, dear," she says, and then her clumsy footsteps are echoing as she slowly climbs the wooden staircase.

 

Sirius lets himself out, and he loads his container of dinner into the compartment under the seat of his motorcycle in the all-consuming darkness outside. When he climbs onto the bike, the Potter's motion detecting porch light glows up the yard so bright his eyes almost burn. Rolling slowly in reverse out onto the street, he feels an odd sense of _something_ as he leans in to close the sticky latch on their gate, but only stays to dwell for a minute before riding off into the distance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying to pump out updates because I'm starting at college at the end of the month and I'm worried I won't have as much time to write, so hopefully there'll be a lot coming out this month. I've written up to like. Chapter 16 I think? But there's probably gonna be like 25 chapters, so I have a ways to go. Hopefully the hour long commute will be some good brainstorming time.


	9. Chapter 9

“Would you quit moping?” Lily asks him suddenly the next morning. It’s the dull break between lunch rush and when the school kids come in, and Sirius had thought they were both dreary with the gloomy tiredness of the rainy afternoon. “You’re breaking my heart with that sad face.”

 

"I'm not moping," Sirius says indignantly. "Why would I be moping?"

 

"It's okay to be upset," Lily tells him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder. "He'll come around though, Sirius."

 

"Can we please talk about something else?"

 

Lily buries her face into Sirius' shoulder. "I hate it when you two fight. James always used to be right. What happened?"

 

Sirius laughs. "James was right less than you think," he says. "You just liked the attention."

 

"I just didn't like you, is more like it," she says, grinning into his neck. "You charmed me, somehow."

 

"I always do, love," he says, turning to kiss her temple. She laughs against his collarbone.

 

"You're kind of sickening," she says.

 

"Well, get off of me, then," he says, and Lily laughs and moves back, leaning against the far wall now.

 

"Where are you gonna take him?" She asks, still smiling.

 

"You know that restaurant down near the flat you and James used to have?" Sirius asks.

 

"The one James proposed to me in,” Lily says.

 

"Well, yes. I mean, it's nice, but it's only proposal nice if you're 18,” Sirius says, and he’s right. If he were going to propose to Remus, he’d take him to Paris to have dinner on a balcony watching the sunset or something sappy like that, and he and Lily both know that.

 

"Padfoottt," she coos anyway. "That place is so fancy. They have the best red wine--"

 

"He can't drink," Sirius says. "Otherwise I would."

 

"Order it anyway. Share a glass if you have to."

 

Sirius snorts. "What a pleasant idea for our first date. Ah, yes, I heard you were looking for an omnipresent reminder of the fact that I'm ten years older than you--"

 

"Then take a bottle back to your flat," she says.

 

"Jesus christ, what do you think this is? I'm not inviting him up to my flat!" Sirius objects.

 

She laughs, leaning forward to tie her hair in a bun. "I've never seen you so nervous over a date."

 

"Well. I really like him. You know that." Sirius mumbles, cheeks flushing.

 

"I do," she says. "I think it's sweet. I'm happy for you."

 

Sirius smiles at her thankfully. "At least you are."

 

She shoots him an apologetic look, but before she can attempt to make amends for James' careless comments yet again, the door opens at the front of the shop, ringing as the late autumn wind ripples in past Remus.

 

"Hey," he greets. His cheeks are bright red and his smile is wide and genuine. Sirius grins back almost instinctively. He comes right up to the counter, leaning in expectantly, and then Sirius supposes there's no way he can go without a quick kiss, so he rests his hands on the counter to support his weight as he leans forward, and Remus' hand curls around the back of his neck for one short second before he pulls away. The tips of Sirius' ears are bright red, but other than that, he's managing to hide just how flustered he is quite well.

 

"Oh," Remus says suddenly, looking at Lily. "Um. Hi. I didn't see you there."

 

"It's perfectly fine," she tells him with a comforting smile. "It certainly doesn't bother me."

 

"It's nice," Remus tells Sirius, who is still a little distracted looking. "That your friends are so accepting and supportive I mean." Sirius' whole face falls. Remus' eyebrows furrow. "Did I-- I just thought..."

 

"You're fine, love," Lily says sweetly. "My husband's been being a bit of a prick and Sirius is upset about that, but they'll work it out like they always do."

 

"But hasn't he known?" Remus asks. "About Sirius?"

 

"Well, yeah, of course, but it's more... I'm not sure he necessarily approves of..." Lily trails off, looking to Sirius for support.

 

"The fact that I have a date with someone younger than me," Sirius supplies. "But it's not really any of his business, is it? Don't worry about it."

 

"Sirius... he's practically your brother. I don't want to cause any problems." Remus says, eyebrows furrowing. Sirius wants to reach across the counter and smooth them out.

 

"You're not," Sirius says. "I really, truly mean it when I tell you not to worry about it."

 

"Are you sure?" Remus asks. He looks so worried, biting nervously at his bottom lip with big puppy dog eyes.

 

Sirius laughs softly, running his thumb soothingly over Remus' knuckles on the countertop. "Positive."

 

Remus looks away for a minute. Sirius works on prying his folded fingers up from the counter. Eventually Remus' muscles relax and he manages to slip his fingers into Remus'.

 

"Um. Can I talk to you?" Remus asks.

 

"Sure," Sirius answers, although 'can I talk to you' is rarely ever good. "I'm off, actually, but we can go, um,"

 

"Not about this," Remus says, giving his hand a squeeze for emphasis. "Well, sort of. But nothing bad."

 

"Okay. We could go back to my flat if you want?" Sirius says, but it's like a question, his head tilted to the side just so.

 

"I probably don't have time for that," Remus says, "But," and he nods towards the door.

 

"Yeah, I. Okay," Sirius says, and he has to release Remus' hand to walk around the counter, which is a shame, really, no matter how much his palm was sweating.

 

"Nice meeting you," Remus tells Lily with a polite smile, and she responds in kind as Sirius holds the door open for Remus.

 

"What's up?" Sirius asks.

 

"I don't really like it how you freak out about everything to do with stuff I have going on at home but then something happens between you and someone who is basically family and you're very clearly upset about it but it's just supposed to not be my problem?" Remus says all at once, looking out of breath once he’s done. His golden eyes burn expectantly into Sirius.

 

"It's different," Sirius says. "It's not because I don't think you can take care of yourself or whatever."

 

"How is it different?" Remus presses.

 

"Well for one thing, James keeps his hands to himself." Remus looks away quickly, the flame in his eyes suddenly and efficiently doused, and Sirius sighs. "That was probably-- I'm sorry. But, look at me," he says, hooking a finger under Remus' jaw. "The thing with James will blow over, I promise you. He's worried about me, whether he's showing it in a necessarily healthy way or not, and once he realizes that there's nothing to worry about, he'll apologize. It's not... I mean, of course I'm upset that he doesn't approve, but I hated Lily for the first month they were together just because I was jealous of how much attention James was giving her. And I know that he has a different angle right now, but I just. I'm upset, but I understand that he's not going to feel this way forever."

 

"Yeah, but you're upset about it right now." Remus says knowingly.

 

"Yeah, but I'm also right," he says with a grin. "And I have a date tomorrow night," he adds, punctuating this by taking Remus' hands in his own. "And what does he have? A bratty nine year old and a grouchy pregnant wife?"

 

"Sirius," Remus says, grinning despite himself. "I mean, you've still got a bratty nine year old godchild and a grouchy pregnant friend."

 

"Don't talk about my godkid that way," Sirius answers, smirking. Remus' stomach floats up into his chest every time he sees that smirk; he'd press Sirius up against the glass if Lily wasn't watching. As it is, Sirius dips down and kisses him, one arm winding around the small of Remus' back as Remus reaches around to grip the back of his neck. He tilts his head subconsciously to the right, and Sirius pulls him in closer. He feels like he's encompassed by Sirius; he can smell Sirius' cologne coming from everywhere and feel Sirius' warm chest against his, and even the sounds of traffic are dulled by the tight embrace. Sirius' tongue just grazes his lower lip when there's a loud bang on the window.

 

"Christ," Sirius exclaims, jumping back. Lily is doubled over laughing behind the counter, and there's a package of cups lying on the floor just beneath the windows. "I'm gonna murder her," Sirius says, but he's grinning, his hand still warm against Remus' back.

 

"To be continued tomorrow then?" Remus asks. "Somewhere more private maybe?"

 

"Remus Lupin, what are you suggesting?" Sirius asks, turning back to him with a sly grin. "What kind of man do you think I am, that I'd invite you up to my flat on the first date?"

 

"Not even just for tea?" Remus asks innocently.

 

"Hm, maybe for tea. No funny business though," Sirius jokes, stepping closer. Remus can feel his own heavy breathing in his chest.

 

"That's a shame," Remus says. "Good as your tea is, I was very much looking forward to the funny business."

 

Sirius' eyes glint in the sun. "Okay, maybe a little funny business."

 

Remus laughs and then leans in to kiss Sirius softly once again. He pulls away before Lily can say anything, though, and Sirius' hand trails from his back to his own hand as they part.

 

"Sure I can't convince you to come back with me?" 

 

"I would love to," Remus answers. "But. You know. My mom's home."

 

"Okay," Sirius says, and he's about to pull his hand away when he instead says, "One more," and leans in to kiss Remus again.

 

It takes a few seconds and a lot of willpower for Remus to push him away, laughing as he says, "Go home."

 

"Fine," Sirius answers, his fingers finally slipping from Remus'. "I'm going. See you tomorrow."

 

"Be careful getting home,” Remus pleads.

 

Sirius laughs as he digs through his pocket for his key. "Of course. Careful walking home."

 

Remus rolls his eyes and Sirius laughs, stepping back towards his bike. "See you," he repeats, swinging his leg over the seat of the bike.

 

Rather that prolonging the inevitable any longer, Remus turns and heads off while Sirius' bike peels away in the opposite direction.

 

******

 

Lily winds up inviting Sirius to come over for some drinks after she gets off work. He gives her ample time to get home before he gets there, which he's never done before. He really has no desire to be alone with James tonight. 

 

When he arrives, Lily's left the door open for him, so he goes right into the kitchen. James is sitting at the table with a scotch glass in front of him. Lily stands at the counter mixing something in the blender.

 

"Hey mate," James greets without looking up. Sirius walks over to Lily without answering.

 

"What is that?" he asks.

 

"Strawberry mango margarita," she says. "They just got it in at the liquor store. I figured you would like it."

 

"It smells amazing," he says. "Maybe with a couple extra shots of tequila."

 

She laughs. "What happened? It looked like things were going well with Remus."

 

"They are," he says. "Very well, in fact."

 

She turns to look over her shoulder at James and Sirius sighs in response. She purses her lips as she pours the drink into a glass and sprinkles sugar on top. Sirius takes his drinks as sugary as he can get them. Usually Lily makes fun of him, but tonight she just slides the glass over to him with a small, comforting smile. He takes a long sip.

 

"How is it?" she asks.

 

"Good. Maybe more sugar next time,” Sirius jokes.

 

She cracks a grin now, though, and puts the lid on the blender. Sirius tilts his head back and chugs the rest of it and then coughs, clutching at his chest. Lily laughs at him. James' back is still turned. "God! Very. Very cold," he says, and then he grabs the blender and pours himself another glass. Lily's eye twitches a bit, so Sirius knows that she doesn't necessarily approve. "It is good," he says. "The mango and all."

 

"Hmm," she hums disapprovingly. "I didn't mean for this to be a get wasted thing."

 

"How much of a lightweight do you think I am?" Sirius asks, swirling the contents of his cup around.

 

"James, I invited Sirius over to spend time with him. Would you mind not hovering about?" Lily asks calmly.

 

James shoots out of the chair and looks at her like she's just told him to sleep on the couch tonight. "What did I do?"

 

"I think we've already talked about this,” Lily says slowly, turning to him. Sirius thinks it looks just like when she’s trying to shame Harry into behaving.

 

"I don't know what you want me to say! I don't like it!” James erupts. He looks frazzled, as if this discussion started more than a few seconds ago, which Sirius feels safe to assume it actually did. James’ face is brick red behind his large glasses, and his hair is standing on end from how he’s messed it up running his hands through it. Sirius hasn’t seen him this angry since football matches in secondary school.

 

"Lucky for you, your wife is about 2 months older than you, so you don't have to worry about anything at all,” Sirius retorts, watching James’ rage with stony eyes

 

"Well, I'm not forcing you to not go out with the kid. I'm just saying I disapprove,” James argues, his color fading just a bit. 

 

"Well, I think everyone would prefer that you keep that opinion to yourself,” Lily interrupts. “What is so difficult to accept about the fact that your best friend has a date with someone who understands him, someone who he really likes and makes him happy?"

 

"He's a  _ child _ , Lily! It's not right," James shouts back. Sirius notices he's getting quite red in the face again and turns away once more, gripping his glass tightly.

 

"We had Harry when we were his age!" Lily says.

 

"And we had no idea what the fuck we were doing because we were just kids!" James shouts back.

 

It's silent, now, and Sirius is honestly afraid to look up and see the look on Lily's face. If he himself is that offended by what James has said, he can't imagine what Lily feels. Harry is not, as he so often reminds himself, even his child.

 

"Padfoot?"

 

Of course, he looks up now, though, to Harry standing in his pajamas in the doorway. He immediately pushes off of the counter and puts his drink down, walking over to lift Harry up into his arms. "Hello, love. Did we wake you?" Harry nods. He's way way too huge for Sirius to be holding, but he can't really help it sometimes. He's probably going to have a harder time than James or Lily letting him grow up. "I'm so sorry," Sirius tells him, kissing him on the top of his head. "Why don't we go back up to bed?"

 

"Is everything okay?" Harry asks softly as Sirius carries him up the stairs.

 

"Of course, love." Sirius says softly.

 

"Were Mum and Dad arguing?" Harry asks. His big green eyes look so heavy and sad, much too melancholy for a 9 year old.

 

"Mh, just a bit. Not anything to worry about," Sirius assures him. "God, but you're getting huge," he says, readjusting his grip on Harry. "I don't think I can carry you for much longer, pup," he says, and Harry giggles as he always does when Sirius calls him 'pup.'

 

"But I love it when you carry me!" he says, leaning his head into Sirius' hair.

 

"Then stop getting so big," Sirius answers, pushing Harry's bedroom door open. His nightlight is still on. He shuts the door behind him, carries him over to his bed, and carefully lays him down on it. Harry scrambles under the blankets, hesitates and then lifts them up invitingly. Sirius sighs loudly and dramatically and begins to unlace his boots. "Fine," he says, jokingly. "If you insist."

 

Harry curls up close to his back as he works on his second boot. "Padfoot?" he asks.

 

"Yes, love?"

 

"What were they fighting about?"

 

Sirius makes a soft humming sound, carefully turning to crawl under the blankets. Harry has to tuck himself into Sirius' arms for them to both fit comfortably. "Well. I have a date tomorrow. And your dad doesn't want me to go."

 

"Why not? Do you want to go?" Harry asks, looking interested in the glow of his nightlight.

 

"I do, very much," he says, tugging the blanket up higher when Harry shivers. "But the guy I'm going out with is a bit younger than me and your dad doesn't like that."

 

"How much younger?"

 

"Well, he's 17."

 

"He's 10 years younger than you? That's gross," he says, and Sirius laughs and buries his nose into the top of Harry's hair. He smells like kid's shampoo and innocence. Sirius misses parts of that a lot, but mostly he's glad to have grown up.

 

"It may seem that way to you now that you're so young, but someday 10 years is going to seem like nothing."

 

"What's he like?" Harry asks.

 

And Sirius grins, because there is the Lily in him, or maybe even a bit of Sirius himself. Harry may have Lily and James' genetics, but as far as the nurture aspect is concerned, Sirius has as much of a shot as his real parents. "He's lovely. He's sweet and funny and he's been through a lot of the same things I have."

 

"Like what?” Harry asks, and when Sirius is silent for a moment, he says, “Oh. Never mind."

 

Sirius smiles into the darkness above Harry's head. "Uh-huh," he says softly.

 

"Does he like you?" Harry asks.

 

"I think he does," Sirius answers.

 

"Maybe dad's worried that you're going to spend too much time with this guy," Harry suggests. "And you'll be too busy for us."

 

"That will never, ever happen, love," Sirius tells him. "Anyway, I don't think that's it. Your mum is on my side, though, and so they're fighting."

 

"That's it?" Harry asks.

 

"Well, and your dad said something pretty bad that your mom isn't going to get over quite so easily, but they'll work it out. I've seen your mum and dad go through a lot, Harry, and never once have I even considered the idea that they might split up,” Sirius tells him honestly, rubbing his hand in soothing circles over Harry’s small back.

 

"They shouldn't be arguing while mum's pregnant like that," Harry mumbles, and Sirius laughs.

 

"That I do agree with," Sirius says.

 

"Were you drinking?" Harry asks in a small voice.

 

"Mh, a little bit. I just got here when you came down."

 

Harry is quiet for a moment and then he says, "Was dad?"

 

"I believe he hadn't had much either. Your dad is not an angry drunk, love, and he would never, ever lay a hand on your mum, especially while she's pregnant. Don't worry,” Sirius reassures him.

 

Sirius can feel Harry's face burrowing into his chest. "Are you going to be here tomorrow morning?"

 

"I don't think I'm staying tonight. Why?" Sirius asks.

 

"Have fun tomorrow, then," Harry says.

 

"Thank you, Harry. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes." Sirius responds.

 

"Will I get to meet him soon?" Harry asks.

 

Sirius laughs softly. Harry's back is so tiny under his fingers, so fragile. "Maybe someday."

 

"Okay," Harry says, and then, "Goodnight, Padfoot. I love you."

 

"Goodnight. I love you, too, dear,” Sirius says, his voice warm and thick.

 

He stays curled up in Harry's twin sized bed until the body in his arms begins to rise and fall at an even pace, and then he quietly and slowly slips out from under the blanket and pulls his boots back on.

 

Downstairs, the lights are off and everything is put away. James and Lily must've gone to bed. His glass is still full on the counter. He steps towards it, but then takes it and dumps it down the drain before heading out.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Sirius takes an embarrassingly long time getting ready the next evening. He tries on about five different dress shirts before he settles on a gray shirt with a black tie, and even then he's fussing, snapchatting pictures of himself to Lily to ask for advice until she finally tells him that it's 5:45 and he's going to be late if he fools around anymore, so he slips on his dress shoes and grabs his keys and goes.

 

He feels odd riding his bike in a suit jacket. He hasn't had to dress up for anything in a very, very long time, least of all a date, so even scrounging up his suit jacket and making sure it still fit felt odd. He'll be the first to admit he does look good though, whether or not suit jackets are punk. Even if the late October chill does bite as he flies through the air.

 

The coffee shop is a few short minutes away, and he gets there at 5:50. James is inside, so he stays outside, leaning against the glass. It's late enough in the season to be getting really chilly, especially in the shade of the shop. He takes his ecig out and takes a long drag, releasing it slowly. He can feel his nerves calming already. He falls into a soothing rhythm there by the window, taking drag after drag of chocolate flavored nicotine.

 

"Hello," Remus says suddenly to his left, and Sirius nearly jumps out of his skin in surprise. "So nervous that you're smoking? That can't be a good sign."

 

Sirius laughs and offers it to Remus who takes one long drag and passes it back. His eyes shut as the smoke flares out of his nostrils. Sirius feels himself go weak in the knees. "It's good nervous," he says, taking a good look at Remus. He's got dark tan dress pants on, which, if Sirius can remember right, is fine for the restaurant they're going to. He's probably overdressed, if anything. He's also got those brown oxfords that Sirius adores on and a light blue button-up with a dark blue tie. He’s wearing a dark gray unbuttoned peacoat over it all, protecting him from the cold wind that Sirius feels so intensely. "You look great," he says, finally.

 

"So do you," Remus says with a grin. "You clean up nice."

 

"I'd prefer not to clean up at all, but you know."

 

Remus laughs, stepping closer. "It's cold. You must be freezing without your leather jacket."

 

"Well," Sirius begins in a low voice, dipping his head in. "I guess I'll just have to find another way to warm up," he says.

 

"Are you kidding me with that line?" Remus asks, grinning. Sirius laughs, and Remus can feel his warm breath hit his face just before leaning in to press their lips together. Sirius tugs him in closer, pressing them flush together, and Remus shuffles in until his feet are nearly between Sirius', and then it's not so cold anymore.

 

"I was kind of expecting this to come after dinner," he murmurs, his lips nearly still touching Remus'. "Not on the sidewalk as soon as I first saw you."

 

"But you're not as cold anymore, are you?”

 

Sirius laughs, stepping back. He takes his helmet off of the seat and tosses it to Remus. "No, definitely not," he answers as Remus fits it over his head.

 

"You need to get a second helmet," he says as Sirius climbs on.

 

"I've already told you, helmets aren't punk," he jokes, putting the key in as Remus settles in behind him, and well, his back is definitely warm, with Remus' firm weight pressed against him from shoulders to hips. "Ready?" he asks once Remus's arms are firmly around his waist.

 

"As I'll ever be," he answers, and Sirius turns the key and peels away. He barely notices where he's going with Remus' body against his back like that, and he almost winds up missing his turn, paying too much attention to the way Remus' chin is resting on his shoulder.

 

The ride is too long and too short all at once, and in the parking lot, they both linger together for a moment before getting up. Sirius carefully takes the helmet, smiling at the surprised look on Remus' face as he tries not to mess up his hair, and locks it up. 

 

"Getting used to it?" Sirius asks, pushing his own long hair out of his face as they head for the door.

 

"Eh," Remus answers. "It doesn't make me feel quite as sick anymore." Sirius smiles over at him again and then bumps his hand into Remus' and takes it, glancing over at a blushing Remus to gauge his reaction.

 

"Okay?" Sirius asks. Remus gives his hand a squeeze in reply.

 

"This is new," Remus says, glancing over at Sirius, who laughs as he hold the door open for Remus, their hands slipping back apart.

 

"After you, my dear."

 

" _ God _ , you better not start calling me dear, though."

 

"What would you like better? Sweetie? Honey? Baby? Darling?"

 

"I'm going to be sick," Remus murmurs. Sirius throws his head back and laughs as he follows Remus to the hostess stand.

 

She shoots them a dirty look, but Sirius is a pro at Not Being Embarrassed, as Remus has quickly learned through desperately trying to hide his own blush when he sees that Sirius himself is unaffected. He clears his throat now as Sirius winks at the hostess and slips an arm around Remus' waist. "Table for two, please," he says in a low, husky voice. Remus feels a chill go down his spine. The hostess seems equally affected, and she smiles back, grabbing two menus and leading them to their seats. Remus starts to feel a lot less underdressed when he sees the plain red table cloth and general lack of romantic candles, or whatever one would expect to find in a classy romantic restaurant, and begins to think that maybe Sirius is a little overdressed, if anything.

 

"Someone will be over to take your order soon," she says, lingering for a moment before giving up and walking away.

 

"This is so gay," Remus says, and Sirius instantly looks amused. "We are so gay. You had your arm around my waist. We're together in a clearly romantic restaurant. Why."

 

Sirius laughs and dips his head down to look at the table, and Remus thinks he might be seeing a touch of embarrassment, or maybe Sirius is being humble, a thought which might usually be good for a laugh. "I dunno, Remus. I have to say. I've had girls all over me my whole life. It's disgusting."

 

Grinning, Remus glances up at Sirius' cool gray eyes. "Well, not to boost your already enormous ego, but you are a veritable punk sex God, so I can't say I blame them."

 

"Moony," he croons. "Do you really think so? I do try so hard, but..."

 

Remus rolls his eyes and begins to open the menu.

 

"You're adorable when you're all flustered," Sirius jokes, and Remus sighs and turns the page.

 

"Hey, for real though, do you want a bottle of wine?" Remus glances up at Sirius with a  _ look _ , so Sirius continues, "I mean if you don't that's fine. James proposed to Lily here fresh out of school, and they had sparkling grape cider, so it's not like--"

 

"Sirius," he says with  a soft smile. "If you don't think they're going to card me then go ahead."

 

"Okay," he says. "I don't want to make it a thing."

 

"Mmh," Remus answers, eyes back down on the menu. "What are you getting?"

 

Sirius is thankful that Remus has enough tact to make up for his deficit. "Lily highly recommended their baked lobster ravioli, so I think I'm going to try that," he says.

 

"Did James really propose here?"

 

"Yeah. Well, they were basically high school kids so it's not like this is necessarily a place worth proposing in, but."

 

"You are kind of adorably overdressed," Remus says with a smile, and Sirius really does blush now, red warmth spreading over his face as he looks back down to fiddle with his tie.

 

"Yes, well. Lily suggested, and--"

 

"You were asking Lily what to wear?" Remus asks, grinning.

 

"This is not getting better," he says, still avoiding eye contact. "Where's the wine menu?" he asks as he grabs in from the center of the table. Remus laughs and folds his own menu up, watching Sirius peruse the list of wines. "What are you getting?" he asks.

 

"Well, if Lily recommends the lobster ravioli,” Remus answers.

 

A hint of a smile plays at Sirius' lips as he places the menu back in the center of the table.

 

"So how are things going with James, anyway?"

 

"I... Let's not talk about that right now," Sirius says. "Have you thought about university?"

 

"Well. I think I want to go? I definitely want to stay in the London area," Remus says, and then stops when he sees the waitress approaching.

 

"Hello," she says with a wide false smile. "Sorry about the wait. Can I get you drinks to start, or are you ready to order?"

 

"We'll both have the baked lobster ravioli," Sirius says. "And a bottle of Pinot Noir."

 

She smiles and nods and then scoops their menus up. "I'll be back with your wine in a bit," she says, turning and heading away.

 

"Where did you learn how to order wine, anyway?" Remus asks

 

"I have no idea what I'm doing,” Sirius says with a grin, “And my only saving grace is that you know even less about it that I do."

 

Remus laughs. "So what is it?"

 

"It's a red wine. I think Lily buys it sometimes? I don't really drink wine ever unless Lily puts it out at dinner." Remus is grinning at him, so he asks, "What?"

 

"It's cute that you eat dinner with them and even more so that you drink whatever Lily puts out. You're like her oldest son that she keeps praying will leave the coop someday soon."

 

"Please," Sirius says, "I'm the only one helping her hold on to her last thread of sanity."

 

"I'm sure," Remus says.

 

"Lily loves me," Sirius says. "She's literally picking my side over her own husband's in an argument. Possibly due to my overpowering charm yet again."

 

"Why do I doubt Lily finds you attractive in any way at all?" Remus asks dryly.

 

"You would not imagine the constant requests I get from those two for threesomes, Remus. Constant! They hound me about it incessantly, begging,  _ pleading _ ."

 

"Sirius, you're going to make me ill,” Remus says with a grin. “Anyway, Lily is taking your side because you're right."

 

"That's the easy way out."

 

Remus rolls his eyes but he's also smiling because Sirius must know that he's right to be joking about it like that; Remus is glad to know that he's not still doubting the whole thing because of the age difference, which is not something that Remus is sure that he himself can say.

 

The waitress is back now, and she carefully sets down the two wine glasses and the bottle of wine. "Enjoy," she says with a smile. "Your dinners will be out soon."

 

"Thank you," Sirius answers as she turns to walk away. He takes the bottle and turns the corkscrew and then begins to pour them each a glass. "The thing about wine is that if you order it and it's gross because, well, wine is gross, you can just send it back and say that there's something wrong with it and it's no good and get like, Coke instead. So tell me if you don't like it."

 

"Well, it's got a lot to live up to," Remus jokes, taking one of the glasses. "You set some pretty high expectations."

 

Sirius grins and then takes a sip of the remaining glass. "It's not bad," he says.

 

Remus takes a sip as well. "Better than the shit my parents probably get at Tesco for like 5 pounds a bottle."

 

"What a romantic description, Remus. Truly. Glad I made the right choice."

 

Remus' knees bump Sirius' under the table, and he scoots in a little bit more to allow their knees to fit together. "I don't think it matters, really."

 

"Well, certainly not in the cosmic sense."

 

"Even in the tonight sense," Remus says. "This is, well,  _ nice _ , and that certainly isn't dependent on the wine."

 

Sirius smiles at him soppily.

 

They continue to flirt coyly, hands slipping into each other on the table top and knees sliding together, and Remus can feel the warm moments melt and flow into one another as Sirius asks him about school and future plans and Remus responds in kind with questions about what Sirius has done with his life and what he plans to do in the future. Neither of them are awake enough to the outside world to notice the time passing until their food comes, and even then, they find things to talk about in between bites and sips of wine, and Remus laughs and reaches over with a napkin when Sirius gets a blob of sauce on his nose.

 

"Lily has good suggestions," Remus says when there are one or two ravioli left on his plate. "Amazing that they're still as good, what, ten years later?"

 

"I know," Sirius answers, pushing his plate an inch or so into the table. A waitress is over as soon as she sees the gesture.

 

"Would you like to go for dessert?" she asks.

 

"Just the check, please," Sirius says pleasantly, and then she's off to go get it. "I have something for us at home," he says with a wink.

 

"Real dessert or making out?" Remus teases.

 

Sirius huffs out a quiet laugh. His eyes nearly sparkle. "Maybe a little bit of both, if you're lucky."

 

The waitress returns with the book and sets it down. They both reach for it, but Sirius gets there first.

 

" _ I _ asked  _ you _ out, didn't I?" he asks, and then sets about doing tip math in his head. He leaves the amount in cash, but Remus doesn't get a chance to catch how much. "Come on," Sirius says, nearly purring, and Remus is up and following him immediately.

 

Out at the bike, Sirius fits the helmet over Remus' head this time, leaning in to peck him on the lips once it's on. "Don't forget to hold on tight," he says.

 

The ride home is as smooth and calming as dinner was, possibly because of the two glasses of wine flushing his cheeks just a bit. Sirius' back is broad and warm, and Remus presses himself firmly against it, arms wound tightly around Sirius' waist. At one red light, Remus leans forward to kiss Sirius' neck, and he can feel Sirius' sharp intake of breath, but before either of them can say anything, they're off again.

 

When Sirius stops his bike in front of his apartment building, Remus feels very sedated and safe, despite the fact that it's now quite dark out. He climbs off very lazily, taking his helmet off and pushing his hair out of his face as Sirius takes the key out and stands. Sirius watches him with a grin, reaching up to move one more piece of hair before grabbing his hand.

 

"I'm starting to see the appeal of the bike," Remus says, walking close to Sirius as they enter the lobby and head for the elevator.

 

Sirius snickers as he presses the button for his floor, pulling Remus up against his side. "Well, good, because I certainly don't mind having you pressed up against my back either."

 

"Well, all you had to do was ask," Remus says, and Sirius laughs as the door opens. He pulls Remus out into the hallway, leading him down to the left. 

 

"Dessert first, I think," Sirius says in response, digging his keys out of his pocket with his free hand. He has to let go to unlock the door, though, and Remus quickly and discreetly wipes his sweaty palm on his jeans. "Well," Sirius says, pushing the door open. "Would you like the tour?"

 

"Sure," Remus says, following him inside. Sirius shuts the door behind him and then leads him down the hallway.

 

"Well, here to our right is the living room," he says, gesturing to the wide wooden floored room. It's got a leather couch and a fairly large TV with a coffee table that matches the TV stand. It looks too nice to be something that Sirius would have, but then again, Sirius does have a pretty nice bike, and Remus is reminded once again of how little he really knows about Sirius' background. "And to the left here is the kitchen. Note the optimistic 3 chairs at the table." Remus laughs. The kitchen is fairly nice though, with a full fridge and an oven, though Remus can't see Sirius as an expert at cooking. He almost wants to point out that marble countertops are not punk, but Sirius is leading him further in. "This is the bathroom," Sirius says, gesturing to the closed door, "and that last room down there is a room that I'll wait a few more dates to show you," he adds with a wink.

 

"Your sex dungeon?" Remus guesses, and Sirius laughs suddenly, as if surprised.

 

"I wasn't going to bring it up, actually, but now that you've said something..." he jokes.

 

Remus grins and leans in until his chest is touching Sirius'. "Is that the tour then?"

 

"That would be it, although if you keep leaning on me like that I might show you that last room early."

 

"What a shame that would be," Remus says, leaning in to press his lips to Sirius'. Sirius only has a moment to make a soft, pleased sound before pulling away.

 

"No," he says, "Really. Dessert."

 

Remus follows him into the kitchen and sits down, as per his instructions, while Sirius rifles through the fridge. He comes out with a bakery box and opens it to reveal a large, frosted brownie covered in chocolate whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

 

"Oh my god," Remus says as Sirius grabs two forks. "Is this heaven?"

 

Sirius laughs and hands him a fork. He immediately takes a bite, closing his eyes in ecstasy.

 

"Mmh. This is-- wow. Where did you even get this?" Remus asks.

 

"A bakery? They tend to sell brownies," Sirius says, looking quite amused as he cuts a piece off with his fork.

 

"I think we need to stop seeing each other," Remus says, looking passionately at the brownie. "I've found someone else."

 

"After all the effort I put in for this date?" Sirius asks with a grin. "Did the brownie put a suit on for you?"

 

"The brownie looks beautiful enough as it is, Sirius."

 

They continue to laugh and flirt together until the brownie is gone, and Remus almost looks regretful as Sirius puts the container in the garbage.

 

"That was practically orgasmic," Remus says as he stands and pushes his chair in.

 

"So then I don't have very far to go to get you the rest of the way there," Sirius says. His voice has dropped back down to that sweet purr, and Remus feels his amusement boil into hot arousal. Sirius steps closer and then tugs Remus in by an arm around the waist, pressing their lips together. Remus is nearly weak in the knees before Sirius has even stepped in to press his body flush against his. He can feel Sirius' hips, firm against his, and he realizes that this is what he's been waiting for all night; this physical closeness, to be truly encompassed by Sirius, to feel completely surrounded and cocooned by him. This time when Sirius' tongue grazes his lower lip, Remus parts for him, and Sirius' tongue slowly and gently pushes into his mouth. Remus has never thought that something so simple could be quite so erotic, but Sirius' fingertips are digging into the small of his back, and Remus himself makes this little noise involuntarily, and Remus isn't sure how much longer he can stay upright.

 

Luckily, Sirius chooses that moment to pull apart just enough to duck his head and rest his nose on Remus' jawline. "What do you think about moving this to the couch?" Sirius asks.

 

"I think that sounds like a great idea," Remus answers, hooking his fingers into Sirius' belt hoops to lead him to the couch. "And take that suit jacket off."

 

"Yes, sir," Sirius says, shrugging it off. He carelessly tosses it onto the coffee table before dropping down onto the couch. Remus sits next to him, angled to face him, and Sirius nudges his knee almost under Remus' as he turns to kiss him again. Sirius' muscled arms quickly close around Remus again, and they return to where they were in the kitchen. Remus worms closer as one of Sirius' hands drifts down to the waist of his khaki dress pants. Sirius makes a small, contented noise as Remus' tongue grazes his, and if Remus wasn't half hard before, he is now. When Sirius pulls away to kiss and nibble at his jaw, he shifts to straddle Sirius, adjusting the bend of his knees until their hips brush together, and his eyes shut in stunned pleasure when he feels Sirius' cock below him, just as hard as Remus himself is. Sirius goes on nibbling at Remus' neck. Remus half hopes there are bruises there later. He jerks his hips into Sirius, and Sirius curses under his breath before lifting his head to kiss Remus again.

 

Sirius' mouth is warm and still tastes vaguely of chocolate from the brownie. Remus feels himself being pulled in by it helplessly. He grinds his hips down and Sirius  _ whimpers _ and thrusts right back. Remus thinks he may very well be drowning and that he might not mind if he were to die right here, right now.

 

That's when his phone begins ringing quite loudly.

 

"Mmh," Remus says when he pulls away. "Just. One second."

 

"Sure," Sirius says, pushing a hand through his own hair to get it away from his red face. Remus fishes his phone out of his pocket. His heart drops at the word 'mum' on the screen.

 

"Hello?" he says, carefully climbing off of Sirius' lap.

 

"Where are you?" she says without preamble.

 

"Um. Out with a friend. I asked you if it was okay if I stay out late and you said it was fine."

 

"I most certainly did not," she says, although Remus vividly remembers her telling him it was okay. She might have been drinking. Remus doesn't remember or even check anymore these days. "I want you home now. I'm locking the door in 20 minutes and then I'm not opening it until your father leaves for work in the morning." Sirius' nose burrows comfortingly into his neck. 

 

"Okay. I'll see you in a few minutes."

 

The line is dead. He pulls his phone away from his cheek to check, but yes, she has hung up, and Remus sighs and turns to a sympathetic looking Sirius.

 

"I guess you heard that?"

 

"Yeah," he says, standing up and stretching. He's not hard anymore, Remus can't help but notice, though he can't really blame him, considering.

 

"I'm sorry," he says, getting up as well. "I didn't think she'd do that."

 

"It's fine, really. Let's just get you home before you get in any trouble."

 

At the front door, Sirius takes his leather jacket down and hands it to Remus. "Otherwise you'll freeze," he says as Remus tugs it on. It's a little big on the shoulders, but it fits reasonably well. The elevator ride is quiet and seems to drag on forever. Remus worries nervously at his lip.

 

Down by the bike, Sirius unlocks his helmet and hands it to Remus and gets on, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Remus is on safely behind him before he peels away.

 

Remus doesn't live far from the coffee shop, so the ride is quite short. They manage to make all the lights without hitting any reds, and soon they're at the street corner where Sirius left him the night they saw the movie. Remus climbs off and hands the helmet back to Sirius.

 

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

 

"Listen," Sirius says. "You've got no reason to apologize. I'm not upset. I get it. I had a lot of fun tonight, Remus."

 

"Me too," Remus answers, feeling painfully optimistic.

 

"I'll be working tomorrow morning if you want to drop by. Maybe we can talk about when we can do that again?"

 

"I would love that," Remus says, leaning in. Sirius' motorbike roars between them as Remus kisses him, short and sweet. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

 

"Bye, Remus."

 

"Bye," Remus answers, shyly. He begins to lope off down the block as Sirius turns and heads the other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I know I said I'd try to post more before I start school (which is incidentally supposed to be today, but won't be because fucking snowzilla ruined the entire east coast) but that didn't really pan out because I've been busy and I haven't been writing or editing. But I have some new ideas and an idea for a new story which I'm not letting myself start until I finish this one, so that's motivation. Anyway. Sorry I suck at updating haha


	11. Chapter 11

Lily comes in about a half an hour before she's supposed to switch off with Sirius the next morning. He had trouble falling asleep after he dropped Remus off last night, but despite tossing and turning for almost an hour, he feels quite refreshed and energetic now.

 

"Hey," Lily greets him. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she's got bags under her eyes. "How're you doing?"

 

"I am  _ glorious, _ darling, but you look like you got hit by a truck. What happened?"

 

"Ever the charmer," she says, grinning softly as she steps into the back to put her bag away. "I've just still been having some issues with James," she yells back.

 

Sirius picks at the corner of his cuticle as he waits for her to return, and when she does, he sees that she's not, well, not quite bad enough to look like she's gotten hit by something, but her brightness is dull around the edges. "Are you okay, Lil?"

 

"Of course, love. Don't worry about me and James. You know how things work out."

 

"Mhm," he says. "Are you sure?"

 

"We're going to be fine," she insists. "I'm just making him sweat it out until he apologizes."

 

"Okay," he says, adjusting the stacks of cups behind the counter.

 

"Soooo," Lily prompts, and Sirius finds himself grinning stupidly at even the abstract mention of his date.

 

"Yes, Lily?"

 

"Where's my play by play?"

 

Sirius laughs and turns to face her. He ends up looking at the counter top anyway. "Well," he says. "It was, well. It was great. We had wine with dinner and-- well, he got considerably tipsier than I did, and we had nice, tipsy conversation, and we went back to my flat and we had this brownie that I got from the bakery, you know, the one next door, and he really liked it and then we made out on the couch for a while before, well, his mom called and told him he had to go home."

 

"Was everything okay?"

 

"I mean. I don't know. I took him home right away, but he seemed very flustered and anxious about having to leave right as things were getting, you know, and I told him it was perfectly fine, but. I don't know. His mom seemed pretty mad.”

 

"I'm sure it will be fine, love," Lily says, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. Sirius leans into her touch.

 

"He also said he'd come by this morning and he hasn't."

 

"Maybe he slept in?" she suggests.

 

Sirius shrugs.

 

"Well, it sounds like you two had a good time,” Lily reminds him, turning to check on the various brews of coffee sizzling on the counter behind them.

 

"We did," Sirius says. "I just don't want to get him in trouble. I don't want to cause more problems."

 

"Have you tried texting him?"

 

"No," Sirius says. "I don't know if his mom, like, checks his phone or whatever."

 

"Well, I'm sure he'll be here soon. I'm glad that you like each other so much," she says positively, smiling at him.

 

"Yeah," Sirius says. "I told him that we should do that again soon and he seemed excited. I just see so much of myself in him, you know? When I was younger, mostly, I mean. And he doesn't have anyone like I had James, and he's also, well, generally a better person than I used to be."

 

"Well, you and James had your moments, both of you, back then," she says. "You both turned into nice adults though. Well, you did, anyway."

 

Sirius' lips twitch at the corner and Lily laughs, quite forced, and Sirius leans forward on the counter so he doesn't have to look at her anymore.

 

"What happened after I left the other night, anyway?" Sirius asks.

 

"Oh. Well. I tried to talk to him but it didn't go very well and he was working a double the next day so I let him go to sleep. Thank you for taking care of Harry, by the way."

 

"Of course," Sirius says distractedly. Remus is at the window as Lily talks, and then he's pushing the door open with rosy cheeks, bundled up in a tight light brown tweed jacket and a pale grayish blue scarf. He's got Sirius' leather jacket tucked under his arm. "I'm gonna head out, okay, Lils?"

 

She laughs. "Of course, dear," she says as Sirius steps in front of the counter. "Have fun. Nice to see you, Remus."

 

"You too," Remus answers politely.

 

"Hey," Sirius says, tugging Remus close with an arm around his waist, still standing near the door. He's not really looking forward to going out there and getting on his bike. They're having a very cold day. "Did things go okay last night?"

 

"Yeah," Remus says. "I mean, I made the 20 minute mark. And my dad was mad, but what're you gonna do?"

 

"Nothing happened?"

 

"No," Remus murmurs. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

 

"Okay," Sirius mumbles back, leaning in to kiss him softly. Remus pulls away after not too long, flushing deep pink.

 

"Are you leaving?" Remus asks with a twinge of disappointment.

 

"You are very much invited back to my flat," Sirius tells him, taking his hand and entwining their fingers. 

 

"Well, it would be rude not to accept, wouldn't it?" Remus replies, and Sirius laughs softly, turning to pull him out the door.

 

"Bye, Lily!" he shouts, and Lily has to yell her goodbyes back to be heard above the sound of the bells over the door jingling.

 

"I have your jacket, by the way," Remus says, holding it out.

 

"Thanks," Sirius answers as he takes it, slipping it on easily. He's had it for years now and it's worn in perfectly. "I hope your parents didn't notice and ask you about it. I forgot to ask for it back last night."

 

"No, it was fine," he says, watching as Sirius climbs on the bike. "Like I said, things went surprisingly okay last night for once."

 

Sirius starts the bike as Remus climbs on behind him. "I'm sorry," Sirius says. "I just worry a lot. I know how awful it can get."

 

"It's okay. Just stop talking about it," Remus answers softly, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. His arms tighten around his stomach as well, and Sirius grins subconsciously at their closeness as he pulls away from the curb.

 

Remus spends the whole ride nuzzling his neck. It makes it very hard to focus on the road and very easy to be distracted by Remus' hip bones digging into his back and the line of Remus' chest pressed firmly against his spine, especially with the bike humming beneath them like mad. Sirius loves riding the bike with another person: the way the world zips by around them while they're trapped in their own bubble. This, however, is torturous. He leans back just barely into Remus' chest, and he can feel Remus grin against his neck in response.

 

When Sirius finally pulls up in front of his apartment, he pauses for a moment to try to contain himself. Remus, however, is standing up, laughing softly as he leans down to kiss Sirius.

 

"I think I'd rather continue this upstairs," he murmurs, just inches away from Sirius.

 

"You're going to kill me," Sirius complains as he gets off, pocketing the keys.

 

"Well, to be fair, it wouldn't make too bad of a tombstone inscription."

 

Sirius slips his fingers into Remus' as they enter the lobby and head straight for the elevator. "They'll have to cover Harry's eyes at the funeral."

 

Remus shakes his head, just barely smiling as they step into the elevator. After a moment he adds, "I am starting to like the bike, though."

 

"Of course you are,  _ seducing _ me like that the whole ride home." Sirius teases.

 

"That's your idea of seduction?" Remus asks. "Kissing your neck for three minutes?"

 

"I didn't say I wasn't easy," he says with a grin. "Plus adding that bike to any fantasy makes it a thousand times better."

 

"Innocent neck kissing is a fantasy now, is it?" Remus responds with big doe-like amber eyes. The elevator lurches to a stop, and they step out and take the few steps to Sirius’ front door.

 

"Well,  _ now, _ " he jokes, somewhat belatedly, rummaging through his pocket for the key. Remus leans against the wall just next to the door, head resting against the blue plaster, eyes closed. Sirius is always looking at him and being struck by how attractive he finds him: the long column of his neck, his just barely pointed chin, his round cheekbones. Every feature on Remus' long face is rounded, and Sirius sees it a refreshing change, so different from his own pointed features that he looks at in the mirror and thinks immediately of his mother, no matter how much he tries to smear them in drugstore make-up.

 

"Sirius?" Remus asks, sounding quite amused, and then Sirius realizes that he's been standing there holding the key for a solid minute now. He blushes as he unlocks the door, and Remus laughs at him, giving his hand a squeeze before letting go. They now finally step inside Sirius' small flat, and Sirius feels the intensity of their aloneness prickle his skin. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

 

"I'm sure you, too, have been awestruck by your own face in the mirror. It is truly a lovely one." Sirius agrees, hanging up his jacket.

 

Remus smiles and begins pulling his scarf off. "Well, maybe just last night, admiring your handiwork," he says as he hangs it on the coat hook.

 

"Hmm," Sirius says, inspecting the dark red hickey raised on the side of Remus' neck. "Did I do that?"

 

"You did, you savage," Remus jokes, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Sirius. “Although I did do a good job of covering it inconspicuously.”

 

“Where did you dig that scarf up, anyway? It looks like something from the bottom of the bin at a bad thrift store,” Sirius says with a smirk, and Remus laughs.

 

“Fuck you,” he says, grinning. “That’s my look, isn’t it?”

 

“Remus the Hipster, you mean?” Sirius asks.

 

“The one and only,” he answers. “Would it be too forward to ask to move to the couch? Only I believe I owe you something.”

 

“Are we talking about the hickey or…?” Sirius asks coyly.

 

“Yes, we’re talking about the hickey,” Remus says with a grin, pulling out of Sirius’ arms. He takes his hand and tugs him towards the couch. “You don’t even have anyone to hide it from.”

 

Sirius grin as he sits down, just as last night, pulling Remus down on top of him. “Please, James and Lily are basically my parents.”

 

“Lily isn’t gonna yell at you for getting a hickey,” Remus answers, pressing his lips to the corner of Sirius’ sharp jaw. “James might.”

 

“Fuck James, then,” Sirius answers, craning his neck to give Remus more room. "He's got his own relationship to worry about."

 

Remus freezes above him. “There’s something to worry about?”

 

“No,” Sirius says. “They’re gonna be fine, Remus. Really.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I’ve talked to Lily about it multiple times. I’m not worried,” he says, which is mostly true, and Remus looks at his eyes for a moment before dipping down to kiss him. 

 

“Lily’s pregnant,” Remus murmurs against Sirius’ lips. “If they split up because they’re fighting about us…”

 

“It’s not about us anymore, Remus,” he answers. “Really, they can handle their own problems. They’ve been together for like a million years, nothing’s going to happen.”

 

“Okay,” he answers softly, kissing the corner of Sirius’ mouth. “You’ll tell me if something happens?”

 

“Yes,” Sirius says, half laughing as his hands curl around Remus’ hips. “Now shut up about my stupid friends.”

 

Remus smiles as he leans back in to kiss Sirius. Sirius is always so warm and ready when he tries to kiss him. He likes the way Sirius is just as aggressive as he himself is, never yielding and submissive, and he likes the way he leads once Remus lets him know what he wants, even during those few minutes last night.

 

Last night, when Sirius had made an orgasm joke and they’d proceeded to practically grind on the couch until they’d been interrupted and Remus had been unable to find out if Sirius had actually been joking or not. Though he’d like to know.

 

He pulls away for a moment to duck his head and line the side of Sirius’ neck with kisses. He has to go almost all the way down to his collarbone before he finds the spot that makes Sirius’ breath catch when he lingers there too long, and he nips at the skin there two or three times before sucking gently and soothingly. Sirius’ breathing is shallow and uneven, and Remus can feel the inconsistent fluctuations of Sirius’ chest against his own.

 

“Fuck, Remus,” Sirius mumbles as Remus kisses the reddening mark. “Have you ever done that before?”

 

“No,” he says, sitting back to look at Sirius’ half-lidded eyes. “Why?”

 

“Seems like you’ve had some practice you’re not telling me about,” Sirius murmurs. Remus’ mouth hangs open just a bit in surprise, and the corner of Sirius’ lips turn up as he tugs him back in to kiss his already parted lips. Remus has yet to come up with a description of this that does not include the word  _ melting _ , but that’s what it is, a burning hot warmth that boils his stomach and makes his head hazy with heat waves and sucks him in, burning his essence down into a malleable form that fits against Sirius’ with perfect precision. Sirius’ hips lift in a smooth motion to brush against Remus’ again, and Remus can feel the hard bulge of his erection dig firmly into his pelvic bone, and without alcohol making his mind all fuzzy he feels kind of stunned and excited, though not necessarily in a bad way. He ruts down against Sirius, angling his hips until his own cock rubs along Sirius’. Sirius makes a soft, desperate sound in the back of his throat, and Remus is only encouraged, moving roughly and firmly now. Sirius seems to like this even more, and his kisses become slightly sloppy, tongue pressing eagerly but inexpertly against Remus’. Remus tries desperately to find the right angle to get their cocks to brush again, but Sirius just keeps thrusting up into his hip while he ruts against Sirius’, which isn’t so bad, he supposes, especially considering Sirius smells like concentrated Sirius smell, all cologne and sweat and coffee and fake chocolate smell from his e-cig, and Sirius’ fingertips must be white from how hard he’s holding onto Remus’ hips.

 

“Here,” Sirius murmurs, pulling away, and he adjusts Remus’ hips and then thrusts up himself and now their hard lengths slide along each other again, and Sirius moans breathily into Remus’ ear, and Remus starts to think that his jeans are impossibly tight. He repeats the gesture, and Remus thinks he may actually be burning alive. He slides his hands under Sirius’ black t-shirt and over his lower stomach, which, unsurprisingly, nearly singes his hands, but the skin is there and bare under his fingertips. Sirius isn’t very muscled, but his stomach is firm, and Remus slides his hand up further until Sirius’ shirt lifts.

 

Remus pulls away, hips still pressed firmly into Sirius, and says, “You need to take your fucking shirt off.”

 

Sirius pauses and then says, “You like my lip ring, right?”

 

Remus looks up at it now and thinks of the lovely gleam of the metal, now wet, and how it presses into his own lips when they kiss, and the digging firmness of it against his neck, and he’s sure Sirius just felt his cock twitch, if the knowing smirk on his face means anything, and probably has his answer.

 

“Okay, then,” he says, oddly smug, and tugs his shirt over his head in one swift motion.

 

“Fuck,” Remus says before any of the nerves in his brain can scrape together any real coherent thoughts. Both of Sirius’ nipples have small barbells through them. “Um.”

 

Sirius laughs, soft and breathy, and leans in to kiss Remus again. How he never  _ felt _ that before is beyond him, but now he can feel the hard press of the metal against his chest every time he or Sirius shifts, which is quite often, considering the pace of their thrusts now. Remus’ fingers trail back up Sirius’ chest, and eventually they find one of Sirius’ nipples, and he’s careful in stroking the pad of his thumb over the stiff bud. Sirius pulls away to curse under his breath and Remus ducks his head to watch as Sirius’ rosy pink nipple hardens under his touch.

 

“It,  _ fuck _ , the piercings make them, um, more, more sensitive,” he says brokenly, thrusting forcefully up. At the last crack in Sirius’ voice, Remus feels his balls tighten

 

He leans forward enough to bite Sirius’ neck, just where it meets his shoulder, a guttural moan slipping out, especially growl-like, from between his teeth. One last nicely aimed thrust on Sirius’ part has their hard cocks sliding cleanly against one another, and even through two pairs of jeans, Remus is clutching Sirius’ side and moaning audibly as he comes.

 

“ _ Fuck _ , Remus,” Sirius moans. Remus is distantly aware of Sirius readjusting the angle of his hips, and Remus breathes deeply for a second before leaning in to nip lovingly at Sirius’ neck, just above the first spot, and then Sirius’ frantic thrusts lose their even pace and he’s moaning throatily into Remus’ shoulder, cursing softly as the grip of his fingers tightens, then loosens.

 

“I. Um,” Sirius says after a warm, quiet moment, his voice dry and scratchy. “You can go to the bathroom and clean up if you’d like. But come right back please because this is very nice.”

 

Remus grins and kisses the side of Sirius’ neck softly before forcing himself to stand. Sirius watches him walk to the bathroom, half dazed.

 

He takes a few extra minutes in the bathroom to splash water on his face and inspect his hickey once again. Once he steps out, he can tell that Sirius has gone and changed as well. He’s now sitting on the couch in a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt, which is a shame, because Remus would’ve really preferred that he stay shirtless. He’s got his phone in hand and he’s grinning widely, but as soon as the bathroom door creaks, he puts the phone down.

 

“Hey,” he says, holding his arms open, and Remus walks over and curls up next to him. "You really went all out on my neck," he teases as Remus burrows into his shoulder. He tugs Remus closer until he can reach to bury his nose in Remus' hair as well.

 

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been being so bitable," Remus murmurs and Sirius laughs, more at the lack of attempt than anything, and kisses Remus' lone hickey. He still has that warm and spent feeling, his head swirling with a rosy haze. "Did it hurt?" Remus asks.

 

"When I fell from heaven?"

 

Remus snorts. "I cannot imagine any divine figure putting up with you for very long at all. No, your nipple piercings, you idiot."

 

"Oh," Sirius says, reaching one hand up to touch Remus' hair. "Well, yeah, a little, but I wanted them anyway." He pauses, his fingers trailing along Remus' back. He can feel the warmth of his skin even through the fabric. "Do you like them?"

 

"Of course I do," he says, grinning. "Did you just ask for the ego boost?"

 

Sirius' lips trail along on his neck, just under his ear. "I  _ care _ about your opinion, Remus."

 

"You knew," he murmurs, grinning. "How did you decide to get them?"

 

"Hmm, but this is a romantic story," he says. "When I was 18 I fucked a guy I met at a gay bar who had them and I thought it looked cool so I went and got them after I left the next morning."

 

"Oh, lovely. You'd think that you limit your exposure to STDs to like, at least once every 24 hours."

 

"Hey, he wore a condom," Sirius says, and the emphasis is not on the  _ he _ but Remus certainly notices regardless. "And the piercing place was clean. I was reckless, not stupid."

 

" _ He _ wore the condom?"

 

"Yes he did," Sirius says, nipping Remus' earlobe. "Questions?"

 

"Not really? Just surprise. Is that a thing? If you hook up with a guy and you're the less experienced one you bottom?"

 

Sirius laughs, suddenly and nearly condescendingly, resting his forehead on Remus' shoulder. "No," he says, "I offered, and if you mean us, you're certainly never going to be obligated to do anything at all that you don't want to."

 

"I didn't, really, but... why?"

 

"Why did I offer?"

 

"That's the question," Remus says, pressing his hot cheek to the side of Sirius' head. This  _ is _ nice, but he kind of wants to see Sirius' face instead of the wall in front of them, however nice this shade of blue is.

 

"I like it," Sirius says simply.

 

"Doesn't it hurt?"

 

As if reading Remus' mind, Sirius pulls back and looks him in the eye. "No, not unless your partner is an asshole," he says, and then, "Pardon the pun," and then he's laughing at his own dumb joke.

 

"Awful," Remus says, but he is smiling a bit. He's just so full of quiet euphoria, tangled up in Sirius' arms, draped over his lap; it's lovely and calm and warm and so very comfortable, and more than just physically so.

 

"If you have any questions, just ask me," Sirius says. "God knows no one should have to have the mortifying learning experiences I had, with frustrated strangers who weren't willing to stop and explain."

 

"Did you go to bars a lot when you were younger?" Remus asks.

 

"Well, between graduating and finding out Lily was pregnant, yeah. It was less than a year but I did. Does that bother you?" Sirius asks, idly tracing hearts with his thumb on the back of Remus’ hand.

 

"No," he says. "I mean, that was nearly 10 years ago."

 

"It was," Sirius says. "I mean, I've been since, but more for going to a club than for looking for casual sex." Remus blushes at the blunt phrasing and looks away and Sirius grins and leans in to brush the tips of their noses together. "What?" he asks, grinning.

 

"Nothing," Remus says. "I should probably go soon, though."

 

"Are you sure, you embarrassed baby?" Sirius asks, still half grinning. "It hasn't been that long."

 

"You know, my mum and all. Anyway..."

 

"Date number two?"

 

"Well, if you're suggesting," Remus says with a cheeky grin.

 

"How about," Sirius says, "You come over and I'll make dinner and stuff? Unless you'd rather go out somewhere."

 

"No, that's perfect," Remus says. "When?"

 

"I'm not working Wednesday at all," he says. "What do you think about Wednesday night? Would that be okay?"

 

"Probably. Depends when and how much my mum drinks," and he says it like he thinks it's funny, but Sirius has to disagree.

 

"Well."

 

"I'm kidding, mostly," Remus says. "It won't be a problem." He begins to stand up, holding a hand out for Sirius, who takes it and follows.

 

"Do you want a ride?" Sirius asks, already reaching for his key and jacket.

 

"No, no, it's fine, I'll walk," he says. "See you tomorrow? When are you working?"

 

"Morning again. I'm there 'til 3," Sirius says, hesitating with his coat still in his hand. "Are you sure?"

 

"I'm positive," Remus says, wrapping an arm around Sirius' bicep as he leans in to kiss him. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, if only for a few minutes."

 

"Okay," Sirius says softly, handing Remus his own coat and scarf instead. "Make sure you cover that hickey," he reminds him with a grin.

 

"Of course," he says, carefully adjusting the scarf. "I'll see you," he repeats. "One more," he adds, and then he leans in and kisses Sirius once more, his lips lingering as Sirius' fingers meet his hip.

 

"Okay," Sirius says, pulling away at last. "Get out."

 

Remus laughs as Sirius pushes at him, fumbling with the doorknob. "Bye," he says once he's finally got the door open, and then it's shut again, once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry the update took so long, I started school last week and time's just kind of been whipping by. I've also been pretty depressed lately and I haven't been in the mood to write, so we'll see if my meds start working again soon so that I can get another chapter posted again. If not, then that's why. I'm definitely going to come back at some point though? It's just as for right now romance is making my stomach churn. So we'll see how that goes!


	12. Chapter 12

 

Wednesday morning is lovely and bright and sunny, and best of all, Sirius gets to sleep in. He opens the curtains when he wakes up, and even though the wind is chilly outside, the whole room is warmed by the sunlight. He plays music in the background as he makes himself a plate of pancakes for breakfast and manages to avoid dripping batter on his shirt. The world feels warm and fuzzy and full of Good Feelings about everything (though especially Remus). He had shown up at the coffee shop at 1:00 yesterday, coyly saying that Sirius had turned him into such a bad boy, look at him cutting school, and they'd kissed and talked for an hour before Lily came and chased them out of the store, complaining that Sirius had burned the coffee, and then they'd kissed some more on Sirius' bike before Remus made his excuses and went home. Not that he wouldn't have been perfectly welcome coming back to Sirius' flat, Sirius thinks, setting his plate down at the table and beginning to dig in. Not that Sirius wasn't dying to get Remus into his bedroom after their little escapade on the couch. He gets half hard just remembering Remus' warm body above his on the couch, breathing heavily into his ear as he ground his hips down.

 

"Fuck," Sirius says to no one in particular. He thinks about taking a shower later. Probably a warm one, and maybe he'll bring his lube. He loves slow, lazy mornings like this one, although he has to admit that they're even better when they lead up to a date with Remus, especially one where they'll be alone in his flat. Prodding at his pancakes with his fork in his right hand, he absently reaches under the table to palm his cock. 

 

Once he's finished, he puts his dishes in the sink to be washed later and heads to his bedroom to dig through his dresser. He finds a black v-neck sweater and a pair of jeans that he knows hug his ass quite well, and piles them on top of his dresser and then, thinking of his plans for later that night, adds a pair of his newest and nicest boxers as well.

 

Inside the bathroom, he waits until his shower water is running hot to take his boxers off and get in. His cock is still half raised. Part of what is arousing him is the idea of even needing to wear nice underwear for Remus, but he doesn't think a hand job is necessarily an improbability. In fact, he thinks, leaning on the wall as he curls a hand around the base of his shaft, Remus might even come into his room that night. They'd make out on the bed, Remus' tight, warm body entangled with his own, and then their hips would meet, and he would assure Remus that there are better ways to do that and pull the zipper down over Remus' lovely hard length, tugging his jeans and boxers down to his knees as he'd reach out and wrap a warm, large hand around him, listening to him breathing heavy in his ear the way he had last time. Sirius' own cock twitches at the fantasy, swelling quickly in his hand. He gives a few quick pulls, resting his other elbow on the shower wall. He thinks of Remus in here with him, of Remus shoving his hands away and stroking him himself while he smiles that nearly predatory smile, of Remus dropping to his knees to suck him off, pink lips stretched red over the base of Sirius' cock, and then he trails a thumb through the precome at the tip of his cock and imagines Remus tasting that and then he's coming with a shocked cry, cum splattering to the shower floor and then marbling in the water to head down into the drain.

 

The rest of his shower continues in peace, and he sighs happily as he washes his hair, nearly humming with pleasure.

 

\---

 

Sirius' phone starts to ring just after he gets out of the shower. He's still pulling his jeans on when he reaches for the phone to check the caller ID. 

 

It's Lily. He quickly answers it and holds it up to his cheek. "Hello?"

 

"Padfoot?" asks Harry's wavering voice.

 

"Harry?" he answers, blood running cold at the terror in his godson's voice. "What's wrong, love?"

 

"Mum and dad have been arguing really bad for the past few days but just now she asked me to wait in the car while she went in to talk to dad, and then they started arguing even worse and she threw a mug at him and now they're screaming so loud I can hear them, and--"

 

"Okay," Sirius quickly interrupts his godson’s frantic words, pinching the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he zips his jeans. "Okay, I'm gonna come get you, Harry. What do you think about staying with me for a while to give your mum and dad some time to talk and cool down?" he asks. The other option is that either Lily or James leave, and he'd really like to prevent that as much as possible; he doesn’t know what he’d do if they split up.

 

"Okay, Padfoot."

 

"If your mom comes out, tell her to wait for me."

 

"Okay. See you."

 

"See you, love," he answers, hanging up. At the front door, he puts his shoes on without worrying about socks.

 

The speed with which he drives to the coffee shop is not necessarily safe, especially considering the thick layer of sweat pooling beneath his palms on the handle bars. Lily’s Audi is parked right out front where he usually leaves his bike, and he swings into the space behind it, shutting the engine with shaking hands as he gets off. He walks around to the passenger’s seat and opens the door, gingerly resting his arm against the roof to lean down to look at Harry’s nervous green eyes.

 

“Hi,” Harry greets. His face is much too pale for the warm autumn afternoon. His teeth catch his bottom lip.

 

“Don’t do that, love, you’ll make it bleed,” Sirius says, reaching in to kiss him on the forehead.

 

“Mum went in the back,” Harry says, glancing anxiously at the shop. “I think she’s crying. Why would Dad be making her cry?”

 

“Oh, f--” Sirius begins, and then stops before he can complete the word, “I’ll be right back, love. Then we can go get some of your things and you can come back to my flat for a little bit, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Harry says, looking off into the distance with furrowed eyebrows.

 

“I love you, kid,” Sirius says, half closing the door. “So do they. You know that, love? This isn’t about you.”

 

“I know,” Harry says, halfway between amusement and annoyance. “Please go check on her?”

 

“Right,” Sirius says, and then he shuts the door the rest of the way and pushes into the shop.

 

“Sirius,” James greets in a monotone. Sirius sees him drying his hands with a paper towel in the periphery.

 

Sirius can’t stand to look at his calm face while his son and wife are so upset. He marches determinedly across the shop and pushes his way into the backroom. “Lils?” he calls.

 

“Sirius?” she answers, looking up and dabbing at her eyes. She’s slumped up against the wall, sitting on the floor. Sirius lowers himself to sit right next to her. “What are you doing here? I was just going to call you, but I can’t find my phone.”

 

“You left it in the car,” Sirius says. “Harry called me. He’s freaking out about you and James.”

 

“Oh, shit,” she says. “He hasn’t said anything to me, though.”

 

“He just called me panicking and asking if I could come get him, Lils.”

 

“Fuck,” she says, avoiding eye contact. Lily rarely curses. If she’s cursing, it’s bad, Sirius thinks, like a child who hears their mother cursing. He forces himself to stay by her side, fighting the instinct to run and hide while she works out the problems.

 

“I think maybe he should stay with me for a few days while you and James work things out.”

 

Lily looks horrified. “Oh, Sirius, but you can’t… I mean, you can’t just  _ take him _ , sleepovers at your flat are one thing, but--”

 

“Lily, I grew up in a house where people were constantly screaming at each other and everyone hated one another and drank to forget about that. I don’t want Harry anywhere near that, and I don’t want either you or James thinking you need to leave so that Harry doesn’t have to be near that. I’d much rather have him for a few days while you and James work out what’s what.”

 

“How’ll he get to school?”

 

“Well. I don’t know. If you let me borrow the car it wouldn’t be a problem. You shouldn’t even be driving anyway, Lils.”

 

“I can still drive,” she complains. “I guess. Okay. Let’s do that. Just for a couple of days.”

 

“Okay,” Sirius says, standing, and then he offers a hand to Lily, who struggles to get up. “Let’s go get a bag packed for Harry and then I’ll take him back to my flat.

 

"Thank you," she tells him once she's up. "I just... I don't know what's going on with him, but he's..."

 

"You'll work it out," Sirius tells her, pulling her into a hug. He can feel her pregnant stomach against his, and her forehead rests on his shoulder. "He's just... I don't know. Maybe he's jealous? Of Remus for getting to spend time with me,” he says, and he means for it to come out as a joke but it doesn’t; he’s too bitter about the way James is acting to make light of it.

 

"I don't know," she says. "You know, I never would've guessed way back when I agreed to go out with James that you would end up the more mature one. Maybe I picked the wrong one out of you two," she says. Her voice is only half-joking.

 

"Whoa," Sirius says, laughing softly as he steps back nearly immediately. "Have you forgotten that I'm, you know, really gay?"

 

"No, I know, and I wouldn't be able to put up with you alone for extended periods of time, so that would kind of, you know, put a damper on those plans, but you'd be such a great dad," she says, nibbling at her nails. She's looking at him with this lost look in her eyes. He's got no idea how to be the backbone in their friendship; she's never shown any serious signs of weakness.

 

"Listen to me, Lil: James is an asshole a lot of the time, but he loves you like mad and he wants what's best for both of your children. He adores you and Harry and the new kid you have growing in there. Whether or not he's acting like a prick right now."

 

Lily reaches up to dab at her eyes one last time. "Okay. I'm gonna go tell him what's going on. Can you wait in the car with Harry?"

 

"Of course. Good luck," he tells her, pushing the door open to hold it for her.

 

She walks past with her head ducked, heading for the counter. Sirius walks right out the front door without looking back.

 

"Hey," Sirius greets Harry as he opens the driver's side door and climbs in.

 

"How'd it go?"

 

"Well, they're upset now, but your mom thinks it's a good idea, so this is what we're going to do," he explains, putting on his seatbelt.

 

"What are they talking about?" Harry asks, looking over Sirius out the window, and Sirius follows his gaze to see James looking miserable and nodding.

 

"She's telling your dad what's going on so he doesn't worry about you. Why don't you climb in the backseat so your mom doesn't have to squish her pregnant belly back there?"

 

Harry climbs over the seat divider in the middle. Sirius adjusts his mirrors and then glances in to see Harry putting his seatbelt on. "What does Mum want to do?"

 

"Well, she wants your dad to stop being such an idiot, but she doesn't want to split up with him. They love each other, Harry. They've been together for so long. The only reason this is being blown out of proportion is that everyone's tense about the new baby."

 

"But why are they so upset with each other if this is about you?"

 

"It's not just about me, love. Your dad's upset about what I'm doing so he's acting like, well, a tit, and your mother isn't about to put up with it. And everyone’s stressed right now, with the baby coming so soon."

 

Harry cracks a smile at the insult but then settles himself back into the seat cushion. The passenger side door opens and Lily climbs in, and Sirius had been focusing on Harry so much he hadn't noticed her leaving the shop.

 

"How'd it go?" he asks.

 

"Well, he's upset, of course. He doesn't want things to be at a point where Harry doesn't feel safe in our house, obviously, but it was a sad upset, not an angry kind."

 

Sirius starts up the engine and pulls back onto the road. "Harry, have you had lunch?" he asks, not too subtly trying to change the topic. Harry is under enough pressure as it is; he certainly doesn't need to get the idea that he's making his dad upset.

 

"No," Harry says. "We were coming home from the dentist," he tells Sirius, which Sirius knew, because the kid's doctor appointments  go on his own calendar, too.

 

"How was that?"

 

Harry groans. "I've got a cavity."

 

"It's because you don't brush long enough," Lily scolds, even as she stares solemnly out the window.

 

"It's  _ boring _ ," Harry complains.

 

Sirius laughs. "You've got to brush, love. Especially if you hate the dentist so much."

 

"I know," Harry says, and then, "How long am I going to be staying with you?"

 

"I don't know yet, pup," Sirius says, and Lily turns to look at him as she always does when he uses that nickname, founded years ago when Harry was still just a tiny baby and Lily told him she didn't want a savage dog holding her child.

 

"Hopefully not too long," Lily tells him softly.

 

The ride continues in silence. Harry slumps against the car door, looking out the window. Sirius cannot deal with that much sulking in one car. He turns off of the main road eventually, absently turning down side streets until he's at Lily and James' house. He could probably walk here in his sleep; this house will always be home to him, no matter how nice his flat is.

 

"Let's just pack for a few nights," he tells Harry as they get out and walk up the cement path to the front door. "And if we need to come back and get more things, we can do that."

 

"More than a few days?" Harry asks, surprised, and Sirius runs a hand through his hair as Lily unlocks the door.

 

"Well, I hope not," he answers.

 

Lily helps them pack up properly, making sure Harry has fresh clothes, including socks and underwear, his toothbrush, and his school things. She also gives Sirius a box of his favorite cereal bars.

 

"Make sure he goes to bed early," Lily says at the front door. "And make sure he eats okay. I know you know how to cook if you try. And don't let him eat too much candy or anything."

 

"I've done this before," Sirius says, looking amused. "I can take care of you, right, Harry?"

 

"Yeah," he answers, somewhat distracted, gazing out the front door.

 

"We're good," he says, smiling at Harry. He’s never seen so much concern on such a small face. "We'll see you soon, Lil."

 

"I'll see you," she says, bending a bit to hug Harry. "I love you," she says, “Be good for Sirius, okay? Call me tonight.” She stands up and hugs Sirius, adding, "You too," into his ear.

 

Sirius sees her watching from the front door as he leads Harry to the car. "It'll be fine," he says again.

 

"I know," Harry answers, getting in the passenger seat. Sirius climbs in on the opposite side, putting his seat belt on and starting the engine. "I'm just usually excited to stay with you but I'm worried about Mum and Dad. What if they decide they don’t want to be together anymore?"

 

"You don't have to worry, Harry. They're fine, I promise you."

 

"Still. I'm sorry I called you earlier. I don't mean to bother you."

 

Sirius looks over at Harry. His embarrassed display of guilt makes Sirius’ heart hurt. “You could never bother me, love. Being there for you when you need me will always take priority,” he assures Harry, then promptly remembers his plans for the night. "Shit," he says before he can stop himself.

 

"What?"

 

He glances over at Harry’s surprise and grimaces. "Remus was supposed to come over tonight and I totally forgot. Sorry for cursing. It’s not a big deal though, he can come over any time."

 

"He can still come tonight," Harry insists. "I don't mind."

 

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Sirius says hesitantly. "I don't want to freak him out by introducing him to the family too quick and all."

 

"Yeah, but I want to meet him," Harry insists. Sirius looks over. He's got his bag on his lap, and it's nearly as big as he is. He laughs at the sight, then nods hesitantly.

 

"I'll ask him if he wants to. You better not embarrass me, though,” he jokes.

 

Harry's grinning most of the ride back. When they're only a few minutes away from Sirius' flat, he turns to look at him again for a moment and then asks, "Why do you wanna meet him so bad?"

 

"He's important to you," Harry says. "I mean, isn't he going to be around a lot?"

 

"Hopefully," Sirius says, face flushing. "I mean, we're not getting married or anything."

 

"I know," Harry says. "Still. If you care about him so much he must be special."

 

Sirius feels silly parking his football mom car in front of his apartment complex, but it is what it is. He lugs Harry's things into the elevator, Harry himself following close behind.

 

"He is,” Sirius says belatedly. “I think you'll like him," he adds. "He's... well, he's an awful lot like me, but he's also kind of like your mom in a lot of ways."

 

"As long as he doesn't make me eat my peas," Harry says, and Sirius laughs as the elevator slows to a stop.

 

"I'm not going to make peas. I hate them just as much as you do."

 

"Thank god," he says. "Can we get pizza?"

 

"Slow down, kid," Sirius says as they head down the hall. "I said no peas, but I’m still cooking. How about pasta?" he asks. "I've got garlic bread, but it's the frozen kind."

 

"Okay," Harry agrees. "I like pasta.”

 

Sirius grins as he digs through his pocket for the key, setting Harry's bag down. "I know you do, love.”

 

"Take your bag into the guest room," Sirius says once he’s got the door open, pushing Harry's backpack full of clothes into his arms. "Don't make too much noise, I'm going to call and ask, okay?"

 

"Okay," he agrees easily once again, and then turns and heads down the hall.

 

Sirius can hear him taking his things out as he finds Remus in his contacts and dials. It rings a few times before Remus answers with a soft, "Hey, what's up?"

 

"Hey," Sirius returns. "Um, about tonight, the thing is that, well, you know how James and Lily have been fighting a lot?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Well, Harry asked if he could come stay with me until they can patch things up, so of course I said yes, and so he's just going to be staying with me for a bit."

 

"Oh. Well. That's okay," he says, but Sirius can hear the disappointment in his voice. "We can do whatever another time."

 

"Well, if you want," Sirius says. "I was hoping you'd still come, though," he adds.

 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Remus answers after a moment of hesitation. “Just because James, well, maybe doesn’t seem to like me. And is Harry okay with it?”

 

“Fuck James. It was Harry’s idea.”

 

“It was his idea?”

 

“Well, he wants to meet you and see if you’re worth the fuss,” Sirius jokes. “So will you come?”

 

“Um. Yeah. I guess so?”

 

“Okay,” Sirius answers. “I’ll see you around 5?”

 

“Sure,” Remus answers. “Bye.”

 

“Bye, Moony,” Sirius answers, and he just catches the faded tip of Remus’ laughter as he hangs up.

 

“Hey, kiddo!” Sirius calls into his back hallway. “Remus is coming at five!”

 

“He is coming?” Harry asks, stepping out.

 

“He is,” Sirius affirms, watching him walk over with a look of bright interest on his face. “Do you want me to make meatballs?”

 

“Can you put cheese in them like like Mom does?” Harry asks.

 

“I sure can,” he answers. “You’ve got to help though. Come on, you can chop up the cheese.”

 

**********

 

When the doorbell rings at 4:45ish, Sirius shouts, “Coming!” and quickly sets the spoon he had been stirring the sauce with down on the counter as he heads for the door.

 

“Hi,” Remus greets once the door’s open, smiling that almost shy, nervous smile he had on their first date. Sirius dips in and kisses him softly.

 

“Hey,” he says. “We were just in the kitchen,” he says. “Come on in.”

 

Remus follow him reluctantly into the kitchen. Harry is carefully slicing a loaf of garlic bread into slices and loading it into a basket, but he looks up when Remus follows Sirius in the doorway.

 

“Hi,” Harry greets without preamble.

 

“Harry, this is Remus,” he says. “Remus, Harry.”

 

“Hey,” Remus greets, somewhat shyly, sliding into the seat across from Harry. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“You too,” Harry answers, beginning to slice the bread yet again. “Especially with how much Sirius talks about you--”

 

“You horrible little bugger,” Sirius says with nothing but affection in his expression. He dips down and kisses the top of Harry’s head before heading back to the pot of sauce on the stove.

 

“Does he?” Remus asks with a grin. “What does he say?”

 

“He said you’re nice,” Harry says. “And he rambled quite a lot about how he thinks your nose is cute.”

 

Remus laughs and turns to look at a flushed Sirius standing over the stove. “I think you’ve quite embarrassed him,” Remus says.

 

“I do try,” Harry answers, neatly stacking the last few slices into the bowl.

 

It’s quiet for a few moments, and Sirius is just about to interrupt the uncomfortable atmosphere to ask Harry to set the table when Remus suddenly says, “So what grade are you in?”

 

“I’m in year 5,” Harry says, less upbeat now. “It’s not… I mean, I don’t really like it.”

 

“Really?” Remus asks, leaning in across the table. “I’m almost done with school, but I don’t really like it either. What is it that you don’t like?”

 

“Well, everyone thinks I’m stuck up because I’m on the football team and I get to play almost every game, but I’m just good at it and I like it. My dad was too, when he was in school.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Remus says softly and understandingly. Sirius steps around the table to get  three plates out. “But maybe in a few months, when you’re winning the season for your school, they’ll begin to see you a little differently.”

 

Harry shrugs and smiles a bit, but there’s no real hope in his eyes. “What’s wrong with your school?”

 

“I just… don’t do well with the people there. I have a hard time getting along with people my own age.

 

Harry nods. “Yeah,” he says. “Me too. But it’s hard to make friends with the older kids."

 

"I know, but when you’re older it’ll be easier," Remus tells him, shooting a glance up at Sirius. Sirius is focused on the sauce, though, pouring it into a serving bowl. "So do you like staying with Sirius?"

 

"Of course," Harry says.

 

"Why's that?"

 

"Well, for one thing, he doesn't even  _ cook _ vegetables," he says.

 

Remus forces a laugh, because he can imagine Lily coaxing Harry into eating a serving of broccoli, and he can remember his mother serving him a bowl of Kraft macaroni and cheese, smelling his father's steak in the oven, at 4:00 in the afternoon to get him out of the kitchen before his dad came home. "One day," Remus says. "You're going to eat like Sirius feeds you every day and you're going to wish someone was there to feed you vegetables."

 

"One day a long, long time from now," Harry says. "Mum always makes peas when she makes lasagna."

 

"Where'd you learn to cook, anyway?" Remus asks turning over his shoulder to look at Sirius. Harry laughs behind him.

 

"I am an  _ adult _ with a  _ godson _ , Remus. Of course I know how to cook."

 

"I guess I'll have to come over more often then."

 

"I said I know how," Sirius says, looking up in amusement as he puts a pair of potholders on. "Not that I do."

 

"You'd cook for me but not Remus?" Harry asks, and Sirius laughs, ducking to pull the hot pan of lasagna out.

 

"Well, kid, there's a lot of things I'd do for you that I wouldn't do for anyone else. But I guess I'd cook for Remus. Especially breakfast," he says, winking over at a blushing Remus. Sirius must have thought Harry wouldn't understand, but going by the gagging noise he makes, Sirius misjudged.

 

"Sirius," Remus admonishes. He gets up to finish setting the table, trying to keep his cheeks from flushing. "Not right now."

 

"Is Remus sleeping over?"

 

Remus coughs uncomfortably. "No, Harry, I haven't before and I'm not going to tonight."

 

Sirius looks far too amused for Remus not to get annoyed at him. He sighs as he nudges Sirius' elbow. "Yes, dear?" Sirius asks with a grin as he removes the tinfoil from the top of the pan.

 

"Where do you keep the forks?”

 

“Are you going to stab me?” Sirius jokes, but he opens the silverware drawer before carrying the lasagna dish to the table. Remus gets 3 forks out and sets them at each plate while Sirius digs in his closet for cups.

 

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Harry tells him when he sits back down. “I was just wondering.”

 

“It’s okay, Harry. Sirius is just…”

 

“An idiot?” Harry offers, and Sirius laughs as he sets a cup down at each setting.

 

“After I made you dinner, Harry?”

 

“Well, it’s too late for you to like, poison it or anything,” he jokes as Sirius cuts a slice off.

 

“Hand me your plate,” Sirius says, somewhat distractedly, and he scoops it on and then sets it back down. “You get the first taste. How is it?”

 

He and Remus watch as Harry cuts a piece off, blows on it to cool it off, and puts it in his mouth. He shuts his eyes in concentration. Remus smiles a bit at Harry’s big show of the simple action. He’s definitely gotten that from Sirius.

 

“Well? Don’t leave the chef waiting in anticipation,” Sirius prods.

 

“It’s okay,” Harry answers, forking another huge bite into his mouth.

 

“What a little liar,” Sirius says, finally sitting down. He takes his own slice and then passes the spatula to Remus. “He’d never eat like that if he didn’t like it.”

 

Dinner is so nice and warm and feels very unfamiliar to Remus, but not in a bad way. It's not until he sees Harry and Sirius bickering about something stupid while he watches with a grin that he realizes that the feeling he's not recognizing is  _ family.  _ Sirius and Harry are there, making him feel more comfortable and welcome than he ever has in his own house.

 

After dinner, Harry stretches and then looks at Sirius and asks, "Is it too late for a nap?"

 

"It's never too late for anything, Harry," Sirius answers, putting a cover on the lasagna to put it away. "Though if you manage to sleep through morning, even better."

 

"What are you planning?" Remus murmurs into his shoulder.

 

"Shh," Sirius answers, grinning as he stows the pan in the fridge. "Go brush your teeth, Harry."

 

Harry gives his godfather an odd look before turning down the hall.

 

"Sirius, we shouldn't--"

 

"He sleeps like the dead," Sirius tells him, shutting the fridge. He spins around to face Remus, leaning in to kiss him softly. "But whatever you want."

 

"Where?" Remus asks, nipping at his bottom lip nervously. Sirius watches his tongue sooth it just after, quite distracted until Remus clears his throat.

 

"We can go into my bedroom," he says. "I mean,  we could like watch a movie on the couch or something if you'd rather."

 

"No," he says with a half smile. "That's fine."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah," he says, stepping in closer until their hips are touching. Sirius' hand drifts up to his hip, and he tilts his head slightly, as if about to kiss him. "I mean, what am I supposed to do, let you stay hard?"

 

Sirius flushes deep red. He's still thinking of something to say when Harry's voice calls out,

 

"Okay! I'm gonna go lay in bed for a while now!"

 

"Shit," Sirius says, pulling away. "I'll be back in one second," he adds, and then he's running down the hallway after Harry. Remus hears muffled talking and then Harry's laughter and when the door shuts again with one final 'good night', Remus realizes he's grinning stupidly.

 

"Hey, sorry," Sirius says, popping around the corner.

 

"No, it's okay," Remus says, stepping close enough for Sirius to wrap his arms around his hips. "It's kind of adorable how you take care of him."

 

"Oh," Sirius says, looking confused. "But--"

 

"Sirius," he murmurs, interrupting him, as he leans in and presses his nose into Sirius' neck. 

 

"Where is this coming from?" Sirius asks. Remus can hear the grin in his voice. He kisses Sirius' neck gently.

 

"Let's go inside," Remus murmurs, pulling apart slowly and hesitantly. He'd rather not bother with the trip to the bedroom, to be honest, but with Sirius' godson in the house, well.

 

"Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Sirius asks, grinning madly as he turns to follow Remus to the bedroom.

 

Remus turns to look at Sirius when he hears the word 'boyfriend.' His eyes are smouldering amber. Sirius feels himself melt under the harsh, piercing gaze.

 

"Is that not--" Sirius begins, but Remus steps in and pulls him in for a kiss. He can feel Sirius' chest stiffen against his own as his breath catches.

 

His forehead is still pressed to Sirius' and Sirius is still looking at him like he's the only thing in the world, his cool blue eyes fixed directly on Remus'. "Bedroom," he says. Sirius laughs and ducks his head to rest it on Remus' shoulder. Of course, Sirius is perfectly aware of his enthusiasm without the push; he can feel it against his own thigh.

 

"Remus Lupin," he murmurs against Remus' neck, amusement coating his words. Remus has to close his eyes at the deep chill that jumps down his spine at Sirius' breath against his skin.

 

"We need to go inside," Remus says again firmly, and Sirius laughs again, nuzzling Remus' neck.

 

"Can I ask what inspired this?"

 

"Can you?"

 

Sirius pulls away, looking quite amused. "Maybe after?"

 

"Maybe," Remus says, nudging Sirius, and then he turns around and pushes the bedroom door open.

 

Sirius' bedroom is very much that of a single guy in his twenties. It looks like he's straightened up a little bit, but there are still books and clothes everywhere. The other thing that Sirius' room is lined with is photographs; they're everywhere, pictures of Harry and James and Lily and an old couple who Remus can tell are James' parents immediately. 

 

"Everything okay?"

 

"Yeah," Remus says, tearing his eyes away from a picture of Sirius holding a black haired, green eyed baby in a pirate costume. He looks like he's in bliss, completely enamored by the child in his arms. "You'd make such a good dad," he adds.

 

"So I've heard," Sirius murmurs. His voice is suddenly right behind Remus, and when he turns around to face Sirius' smoky blue eyes, he can tell that he is not thinking of Harry at all. "Were you so set on coming in here to compliment my parenting skills?" he asks, stepping close enough to press their hips together. "Because I thought otherwise," which Remus didn't have to be told, because Sirius' cock is pressing into his thigh very firmly.

 

"I guess I might've had...  _ other _ motives."

 

A smile tugs at the corners of Sirius' mouth as he pulls Remus into a kiss. His tongue is scorching, just like every other inch of his body. Touching Sirius feels like voluntarily throwing himself into the sun, and the fact that he finds this to be the height of bliss is questionable even to himself. Sirius' tongue sweeps firmly along the side of his own and his stubble brushes Remus' chin harshly and then he's pulling away quickly, but the kiss he places on Remus' cheek is very different; it's soft and drawn out and so oddly intimate that Remus is compelled to close his eyes. Sirius makes a soft, happy humming sound as he steps back.

 

"Bed, I think," is all he says, and Remus is quick in following him over. He sits with his legs spread by the pillows and does not wait for Remus to settle himself in before tugging him down, pulling his thighs around his own hips.

 

"As much as I love your dorky sweaters," Sirius says, beginning to tug at the hem of Remus' sweater.

 

"Um," Remus says, a bit suddenly and too loudly, grabbing Sirius' wrists. Sirius blinks at him in surprise.

 

"Is everything okay?" he asks softly.

 

"Sorry," he says. "It's just there's this. Mark. On my back. And I know you're gonna flip out when you see it."

 

Sirius gives that sympathetic look that Remus knew he would. "What's it from?"

 

"You know fucking well what it's from," Remus says. His eyes dance with flames again. Sirius' eyes go back from charitable to lustful. "And I don't want to talk about it right now."

 

"That's fine," he says, which is surprisingly easy, but Remus is certainly not going to complain.

 

"Well. Okay then," he says, releasing Sirius' wrists.

 

Sirius pulls the sweater up and Remus lifts his arms to help Sirius get it over his head. He's still got a t-shirt on underneath, and as he goes to reach for that, too, Remus' tone alone is enough to make his hands freeze.

 

"We are not going to talk about any of this right now," he says firmly. His voice is very raw and low. Sirius swallows and nods helplessly.

 

Beneath Remus' white undershirt, his ribcage is littered with scars. They're all thin and parallel to one another, running down in smooth lines, some more defined than others. Remus' chest rises and falls in terrifyingly controlled movements.

 

"Okay?" Remus asks.

 

Sirius nods, jaw clenched, and Remus pulls at the hem of Sirius' sweater as well. "Thank you," he mumbles as Sirius helps him pulls his long hair through the neck opening. The material is quickly discarded on the floor.

 

"Don't need to say that," Sirius tells him, leaning in to kiss him again. His hands slip around Remus's hips and over the small of his back, where there is a patch of skin that is smoother than the rest and just feels... different. Sirius' hand quickly moves up past it.

 

Remus' back is very soft. Sirius would love to turn him over just to see all of his freckles, to trace them with his tongue like a connect-the-dots puzzle. Remus has freckles everywhere. The ones on his collar bone continually drive Sirius mad. Remus' skin is soft everywhere, really, though. His chest, which is currently pressed firmly to Sirius', is all soft heat, and his hands on Sirius' shoulders are very soft and comforting, even with how hard they dig in, even with enough force in his grip to turn the tips of his fingers white. The only part of Remus that is not soft is his jawline, which is rough and scrapes against Sirius like sandpaper every time he touches it. Sirius has never had so small a sensation go quite so hard straight to his cock.

 

The fingertips are gone almost as soon as he has that thought, and they trail down his chest and stomach and Sirius's belly flies up into his chest when they run gently through the line of hair beneath his belly button. Then they're unbuttoning Sirius' jeans and pulling the zip down.

 

"Remus," he pulls away to say. He's not close enough to see Remus' face, but he thinks his surprise came out much more like lust. Remus' fingers are pushing his jeans down and out of the way and then they're tugging at his shorts. Remus' forehead drops to rest against Sirius' neck, and all Sirius can hear is labored breathing, both of theirs, and Remus makes this small noise of need as Sirius' cock springs free.

 

"Fuck," he curses as he curls those warm fingers around Sirius' girth, though the words sound quite indulged, and Sirius is suddenly tearing at Remus' own jeans, and then Remus' cock is in Sirius' fist between his open fly in record time.

 

" _ Fuck, _ " he repeats. His head is still turned down, and Sirius can imagine Remus watching his hand, both of their hands, and then his cock twitches in Remus' hold.

 

"Do you want me to get lube?" he asks, though he's sure he couldn't pull himself away to find any now.

 

Remus lifts his head and then his hand is gone and Sirius wants to say  _ No, wait, _ but then those smoldering eyes are back and fixed right on Sirius as he licks a firm stripe across his palm and then lowers it back to wrap around Sirius once again.

 

"Christ," Sirius says with a broken voice, thrusting helplessly into Remus' hand. He desperately attempts to concentrate on giving as well as he's getting, brushing his thumb over the head of Remus' cock, stroking firmly and evenly, but mostly he depends on his brain running on autopilot, especially when Remus' teeth start nipping at his neck.

 

Remus' fingers are so sure and confident; they pull with quick precision and yet stroke with something gentle behind his touch, and Sirius' heart thuds almost painfully in his chest when Remus whispers, "You are fucking gorgeous," against his neck.

 

"Come here," Sirius murmurs, reaching his one free hand around to pull Remus in by his ass until their cocks are close enough to touch. Remus glances up at him and then pushes his hand away, curling his hand around both of their erections, tugging firmly and evenly while maintaining eye contact. The heads of their cocks brush with each stroke and Sirius has to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from moaning.

 

"Shit, Remus," he curses when Remus thrusts forward hard, both further against him and into his own hold. Sirius' balls tighten and Remus leans forward and presses his forehead to Sirius'.

 

"I know," he says, his voice deep and gravely, and then he kisses Sirius. His thumb begins massaging the head of Sirius' cock relentlessly as he strokes up and down forcefully enough to have Sirius' hips helplessly moving against his hand.

 

"I, fuck," Sirius says inarticulately. Remus is looking at him like they're on fire.

 

"Come for me, Sirius," he purrs, and Sirius' whole body tenses as he does so suddenly, eyes wide and fixed on Remus' as he moans, breathy and quiet, his come coating Remus' hand and both of their stomachs with each burst. Remus squeezes his eyes shut as he drops his head down to Sirius' shoulder. Even though Sirius' cock is beginning to soften, they slide together easily, lubricated by Sirius' come, and this is how Sirius learns that Remus really is a biter, his teeth clamping into the chords of Sirius' neck as he comes. Sirius has his face turned into the side of Remus' head, but he can feel each throbbing pulse, can feel the hot spurts hit the muscle of his lower stomach, can feel Remus' hot hot breath on his neck.

 

"Are you okay, love?" Sirius asks softly after a moment's passed. Remus' head is still down.

 

"A bit more than okay, I think," he answers, lifting his head just a bit. He looks at Sirius with embarrassment in his eyes.

 

"Don't look at me like that," Sirius says, smiling as he reaches over to grab a few tissues to wipe them down. He takes Remus' hand and carefully cleans off each of his fingers. "I don't know what got into you tonight."

 

"Well," he says, "I think it's just. Kind of a turn on to be wanted." He watches as Sirius moves on to their stomachs, mopping the mess off of first Remus' skin, then his own.

 

"Well, of course I want you," Sirius says, tossing the tissues in the garbage. He works on pulling his shorts back up, but Remus crawls off of him to give him room. His jeans wind up on the floor altogether. "How do you feel about actually taking a nap?" he asks.

 

"I have to go home tonight," he says. "I have school tomorrow."

 

"I know," Sirius answers as Remus fixes his own boxers. "Just stay for an hour or two. Please?"

 

Remus looks up at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow and Sirius can feel himself melting into the bed. "Fine, just an hour. I'm setting an alarm."

 

"Good," he says. "Take your jeans off."

 

Remus laughs but stands up to do as Sirius asks. Sirius pulls back the covers to invite Remus in once he's properly naked.

 

"Mmh," Remus nearly purrs, nuzzling into Sirius' neck. His whole body is warm and soft and thrums with sleepiness. 

 

"Can I talk to you for a minute, love?" he asks, curling an arm around Remus' waist.

 

"Sirius--"

 

"Please?" he says. "I'm worried about you, is all."

 

"Ask," Remus says, burying his head deeper into Sirius' shoulder.

 

"Do you still do it?"

 

Remus' breath catches hard. Sirius can feel him tense up. "I. Sirius, I'm not really very well," he says, not lifting his head. Sirius plays with his slightly overgrown hair comfortingly. "I have pretty bad depression and anxiety."

 

Sirius is quiet, just playing with Remus' hair and nuzzling his temple. After a moment, he says, "I'm so sorry. I'm here if you ever want to talk or... you know. Anything at all."

 

"I know," Remus says, lifting his head to look at Sirius now. "I haven't in over a year, but. That happened. I was there at one point."

 

"You know that you mean a whole lot to me, right?" Sirius says very feebly.

 

Remus laughs gently. "Yeah," he says. "That goes both way."

 

Sirius smiles half-heartedly and leans in to kiss Remus gently. "I really am sorry that you're so unhappy."

 

"Well, it's not. I mean, it's not like I'm never happy."

 

"How reassuring," Sirius murmurs, pressing his forehead to Remus'. "You don't have to try to justify it. I understand and I just honestly wish I could help."

 

"I mean, I take medicine. It's been better since I started."

 

"Has it?" Sirius asks interestedly. "When I first moved into James', they sent me to a therapist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, but I never went back."

 

"Sirius," he says, "You can't-- that's not good. You should see someone."

 

"It hasn't flared up since I was a teenager," he says. "I don't know. It just didn't seem like a big deal after, with how well things were going since I'd left home, and so I forgot about it."

 

"So it just... stopped?"

 

"Well. I don't know. Maybe the symptoms are just less severe. I've never been anything else, I don't know."

 

Remus nods slowly and thoughtfully. "I know what you mean," he says. “It was scary when I first started taking the medicine, to not be thinking the only way I ever knew anymore. It’s why a lot of people don’t stay on their meds.”

 

"Well, I’ve been fine,” Sirius says pensively. “I can’t remember the last time I experienced anything like a manic episode.

 

“That’s good,” Remus purrs sleepily, curling into Sirius. “Should we talk about the boyfriend comment?”

 

Sirius laughs softly. He wraps an arm around Remus and rubs slow circles onto his bare back with the pad of his thumb. “I haven’t done the dating thing in a long time, but I never remember feeling so certain.”

 

“Sirius,” Remus says with a quiet, lazy confidence. “I have no interest in being with anyone but you right now.”

 

“Me either. So leave it at that for now?” Sirius asks a half asleep Remus.

 

“Yeah,” Remus confirms. “Now quit acting like such a big queer and go to sleep.”

 

Grinning, Sirius ducks his head into Remus’ hair on the pillow. He’s so tired he can’t argue, and he falls asleep with his mind full of tingling sensations that all scream  _ Remus _ .

 

**********

 

Sirius is awoken to shuffling around in the bed next to him. “Remus?” he asks sleepily.

 

“Hey,” he says. “You can go back to sleep. I gotta go home.”

 

Sirius sits up and rubs his eyes. “What time is it?”

 

“Nearly one. I forgot to set an alarm,” Remus says, overly calm, as he pulls his sweater over his head.

 

“ _ Shit _ ,” Sirius says. “Is everything going to be okay? I’m so sorry--”

 

“It’s fine,” Remus says. “I’m gonna walk home, okay? It’s not so far. Go back to sleep. You don’t have to walk me out.”

 

“Okay,” Sirius says, reaching out for Remus’ waist. “Goodbye kiss?”

 

“Of course,” Remus says with a small smile, ducking down to peck Sirius on the lips. “I had fun tonight. See you tomorrow,” Remus says quickly, already backing away.

 

“See you,” Sirius says, and then his bedroom door is shut once more, and he’s left alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the huge gap between updates. I just wrote a new chapter so I figured it was time. I think this chapter might actually already be marking the about halfway point in the story!


	13. Chapter 13

Sirius is beginning to get worried when he hasn’t seen or heard from Remus by 4:00 the next day. He’s usually in at around 2:30 each afternoon, but today the stream of teenagers with backpacks trickled down the street with one notable missing face.

 

Harry sits at the table closest to the counter with a math ditto in front of him, practicing multiplication. He looks so focused, curled up with his pencil and steaming mug of hot chocolate. Sirius can’t help but smile at the concentration on his small face. He can’t imagine what it’d be like to have his own kid, to love someone more than he loves Harry. Just looking at him fills his chest with with this thick, warm feeling, and he’s at once overwhelmed by how much one small person can mean to him.

 

“Sirius?” Harry calls without looking up.

 

“Yes, love?” Sirius answers, walking around the counter to take a seat across from him. “What’s up?”

 

“I need help,” Harry says, sliding the ditto over, and Sirius takes the pencil, leans in, and begins to show him how to work through his long division problem.

 

He often worries about the day Harry outgrows his ability to help. One day Harry is going to bring him his calculus II textbook and Sirius will have to shrug and apologize, and that’s going to be the worst feeling in the world. He wants to be big and smart enough to shelter Harry forever, to give him all of the guidance he could ask for, but he knows one day Harry will have to figure things out on his own, and that terrifies him. For now, however, he cherishes the look of perfect attention on his godson’s face and seeks comfort in the way that Harry looks at him like he’s a genius while he explains the simple concept.

 

“Can I try?” Harry asks once they’ve worked through the problem.

 

“Go for it,” Sirius tells him, passing Harry his pencil back and folding his arms on the table to watch Harry’s attempt.

 

Harry’s tongue sticks out between his small pink lips just a bit as he focuses on the problem. Sirius wants to remember this moment, from the furrowing of Harry’s brows to his sloppy, childish handwriting. He doesn’t know where the last 9 years went and he suspects the next 9 will go by just the same.

 

“Good?” Harry asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sirius says, only half scanning over his godson’s work. “Awesome job. How many more do you have?”

 

“Only two,” Harry says, setting to work on his second to last problem. “The first ones were easy. The last few are always harder than in class.”

 

“Wait til secondary school,” Sirius jokes, getting up and walking behind the counter to rifle through a display case. “So how about a cookie to celebrate?”

 

“Yeah!” Harry says, grinning as he closes his math book. “I still have reading though.”

 

“We must celebrate the small victories,” Sirius tells him, extracting a nice, plump chocolate chip cookie with a pair of tongs and depositing it onto a paper plate. “But you have to do that reading too.”

 

“I know,” Harry says, holding his hands out for the plate. Sirius passes it over the counter to him and he begins to wolf it down earnestly. “How’s Remus?” Harry asks. “I fell asleep before he left; I didn’t get to say goodbye. And he wasn’t there this morning.”

 

“No, he wasn’t there this morning,” Sirius admonishes, sitting down with his own cookie. “Who taught you anything about that, anyway?”

 

Harry smiles a sly smile and takes a conveniently timed large bite of cookie.

 

“Anyway,” Sirius presses on, “He was doing fine last night. We took a nap and then he left in a rush later on because his mum wanted him home.”

 

“His mum?” Harry asks, wrinkling his nose. “But he’s an adult.”

 

“He’s 17,” Sirius says. “Your gran still likes to keep tabs on your dad and he’s way old.”

 

“Dad’s not that old,” Harry says. “He’s having a new baby.”

 

“Feels old to me,” Sirius says, stealing a sip of hot chocolate before Harry can protest. “Wouldn’t have dreamed of being 27 with a coffee shop and a godson and that your dad would have a mortgage and all that fun stuff when I was 17.”

 

Harry’s forehead wrinkles as if he doesn’t understand, and Sirius just chuckles to himself as he balls his now empty napkin up. As wise beyond his years as Harry may be, he’s still only nine years old. He hasn’t had many life changing experiences to reflect upon, and he has nothing to relate to Sirius’ premature midlife crisis. Which is just as well; he wants Harry to stay carefree for as many years as possible. 

 

“Alright,” he says, collecting their garbage from the table. “How ‘bout we get started on that reading? Do you wanna read to me so I can follow along? Only I left my old man reading glasses back at the flat,” he jokes.

 

“You’re  _ not _ that old,” Harry restates, but opens his reading book and begins to narrate the short story.

 

******

 

It isn’t until 9 o’clock that night that Sirius finally hears from Remus; his phone buzzes in his pocket as he’s mixing someone’s latte up. He finishes the sale as quickly as possible, thanking the customer and wishing them a good night, before reaching for his cell.

 

It’s only a text. It reads, “ _ Sorry I didn’t come in today. Haven’t been feeling well. _ ”

 

Sirius quickly calls him, stepping into the back room for privacy. He leans back on the newly cleaned desk as he listens to the phone ring. It’s really silly, how anxious he is, and as much as he recognizes this, his heart refuses to slow its pace.

 

Remus answers after four rings. “Hello?” he greets. Sirius closes his eyes to cherish the golden velvet flow of Remus’ voice. As the afternoon’s gone on and on, he’s gotten foolishly concerned that he would never hear it again.

 

“Hey,” Sirius says back, soft and sweet. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Remus answers mildly, “Just have a bit of a temperature so I wanted to stay in bed today.”

 

“Okay. I hope you feel better. You seemed fine yesterday,” Sirius answers worriedly.

 

“Yeah I know, not sure where this came from, unless you gave me herpes or something,” Remus jokes.

 

“Herpes wouldn’t give you a temperature,” Sirius corrects, grinning despite himself. “And I promise I’m herpes free.” It’s quiet for a moment, and he reflects silently, shuffling his heavy Doc Martens against the concrete floor of the backroom. “I was worried I did something wrong last night when you didn’t show today.”

 

“No, no,” Remus says. “Sirius, I had such a good time last night. You have nothing to worry about. I’ve just been sleeping a lot today.”

 

“Makes sense, given your newly acquired herpes.”

 

“Yes, well, you would know,” Remus retorts, and Sirius wishes he could see him, messy cloud of gold hair and goofy, sweet smile, wearing an old sweater with holes at the bottom of the sleeves, cocooned in a fluffy blanket… just the thought makes Sirius feel sleepy. Sleepy and lonely.

 

“Or so you accuse,” Sirius responds, but the jest is half-hearted. “I really hope you’re feeling better, Remus. Is everything okay with your parents? This doesn’t have anything to do with them, does it?”

 

“No,” he answers flatly. “Everything’s okay.”

 

“Okay. I’m in the shop so I should go. I’ll text you later and check up on you though, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Remus answers. “Night, Sirius.”

 

“Night, Remus,” Sirius answers tenderly, and then the line is dead. 

 

He stays in the backroom a moment after his phone is away in his pocket, kicking at a small crack in the floor. Something doesn’t feel right to him, he can feel it in his stomach, but it’s too soon to confront Remus about it. He wants everything to be okay. He wants the time to fall in love with this sweet boy. He wants them both to get the chance for happiness; not moments of it in between bouts of sadness and not the kind Sirius leeches from the Potters, but their own kind, the curl-up-on-the-couch-on-a-Friday-night-and-watch-Netflix kind, the kind where they make breakfast together and Sirius gets to wake up next to Remus’ angelic sleeping face. He knows he’s getting ahead of himself, two dates in, but he feels something special, and his gut twists thinking about how delicate that something special might be, like the just lit kindling of a soon-to-be bonfire. And well, Sirius thinks, between Remus’ family and James and the new baby, their lives are a fucking hurricane over the small unsheltered flame.

 

“Sirius,” Harry calls, and Sirius immediately steps out from the backroom. His godson gestures to the customer at the counter, and Sirius puts on a fake smile and begins to strike up a conversation with the woman.

 

Not long after he’s done with her order, it’s time to close up the shop. He takes his time wiping everything down and running cleaner through the coffee makers, his mind chugging slowly with his newfound worry, until Harry asks him to hurry up so they can go home and go to bed.

 

When he’s done rushing through the rest of the closing procedures, he grabs both their coats from the back room. His own leather jacket slides on easily, but, just like always, he kneels to the ground to help Harry into his own coat.

 

“Good?” Sirius asks, looking over his eyelashes at Harry as he zips his jacket up to the neck.

 

“Good,” Harry answers, and Sirius kisses him wetly on the forehead before standing back up. He chuckles at Harry’s display of disgust as he scoops his backpack up and takes Harry’s hand.

 

It’s frigid out, and Harry shivers on the sidewalk as Sirius locks up the shop. “Here,” Sirius says, handing him Lily’s keys. He hasn’t bothered to put them on his own key chain yet. “Get in the car.”

 

Harry shuffles over to the Audi and beeps the doors open, climbing into the front seat. Once the last lock is closed up, Sirius walks around to the driver’s side and climbs in, taking the key from Harry. “Got all your homework done?” Sirius asks as he pulls away from the curb.

 

“Yeah,” Harry answers. “I’m just tired. Are you working tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius says apologetically. “Wanna call your mom and ask her how it’s going?”

 

“Yes,” Harry says enthusiastically. “I forgot. Can I use your phone?”

 

“Mhm,” Sirius says, reaching into his coat pocket to grab it for Harry without taking his eyes off the road. He listens absently as Harry dials his mum’s number and greets her enthusiastically, but then begins to tune the conversation out. He feels so drained so suddenly, and for once he can agree with Harry: sleep sounds amazing. It concerns him for the first time in years that such a small set back can make him feel so horrible, and he begins to seriously consider Remus’ advice that he see a doctor about his decade old diagnosis.

 

“Mum says hi,” Harry says, and Sirius realizes he’s been off the phone for a moment now. 

 

“Oh,” he says. “How are things going?”

 

“She said they’re okay,” he answers, but he doesn’t sound hopeful. 

 

“I know everything’s hard right now,” Sirius says. “I wish things weren’t so stressful, especially because your mom should be taking it easy with the baby, but I can’t change how your dad is. All I can say is that I’ve known him for a long, long time and he isn’t acting like himself. Things will go back to normal soon, love.”

 

“I hope so,” he says, and Sirius reaches a hand over to pat him reassuringly on the knee as he pulls into his apartment complex’s parking lot.

 

“Are you going right to bed?”

 

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s exhausting being at the shop all day.”

 

“Dude, you’re nine,” Sirius says with a grin as he gets out of the car and walks around to wait for Harry. “You weren’t working or anything.” This earns him a glare, and he laughs as he leads Harry inside. “Your dad’s closing tomorrow night, so maybe we can go back home and hang out with your mom after school tomorrow night. What do you think?” Sirius presses the button and leans against the wall to watch Harry’s reaction as they wait for the elevator.

 

“Please,” Harry says. “I miss my computer.”

 

“And your mom, maybe?” he says, grinning as Harry blushes in embarrassment.

 

“I guess,” Harry says, slipping into the elevator past Sirius. “It’s not like I’m not with family.”

 

Sirius feels his knees go weak with how much Harry’s simple statement overwhelms him. His godson must not have thought much of the compliment, because he calmly presses the button for Sirius’ floor and leans against the wall to wait. Sirius, however, watches Harry’s face with adoration. He doesn’t know what’s happened to make him quite so sappy tonight, but when the elevator stops, he scoops Harry up and kisses his face all over as he carries him to his front door. “I love you, kid.”

 

“I know,” Harry says, crinkling his nose and worming around in Sirius’ arms. “Stop.”

 

“Careful,” Sirius laughs. “I’m gonna drop you,” he warns, setting Harry down on his feet carefully so that he can unlock the door.

 

“I’m not a baby anymore,” Harry complains, but one glance over his shoulder at Harry’s face tells Sirius that he’s mostly just kidding.

 

“I’m painfully aware,” Sirius informs him, pushing the door open. “Go get ready for bed, kid. You have to be up bright and early for school tomorrow.”

 

Harry sighs dramatically as he heads down the hall towards the bathroom, and all Sirius can do is stand in the doorway and watch him with amazement as he wonders how so much of his own temperament wormed its way into Harry’s personality.

 

******

 

Sirius doesn’t see or hear from Remus again for days. The next day Lily tells Sirius and Harry over tea and biscuits that her and James talked and things are going a lot better if Harry would like to come home, and Sirius can see in her eyes that she’s telling the truth, in the shine of her deep green emeralds, and he’s happy for them because he will always be happy for them, but something selfish burns with jealousy in the pit of his stomach.

 

Once Harry goes upstairs to return to his beloved computer, Lily gives him a very sympathetic look. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

 

So he tells her. He starts from the beginning, with how wonderful their date that night was and how sweetly he and Harry get along and how  _ fiery _ reticent little Remus can be if you get him in the right mood. When he finishes with their phone call the evening before, Lily looks at him for a long moment.

 

“Is that it?” she asks.

 

“Yeah,” he says. “But--”

 

“Love, he’s just sick. You have to calm down. You’re so good at pushing optimism on Harry but you’re such a pessimist; you can’t always assume the worst. He’s obviously very interested in you and I think you’re important to him. He wouldn’t be blowing you off just for laughs.”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius says, running his fingertips along the grain of wood in the kitchen table. “I know you’re right deep down, but it’s also weird, just how curt he was. Like he didn’t even want to talk.”

 

“Give it time,” she says. “It’s all still new.”

 

And so he does try. He spends that night playing Minecraft with Harry and only checks his phone a few times. By the time the front door opens downstairs, Harry’s falling asleep with the controller in his hand.

 

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’ll send your dad up to come say goodnight in a bit.”

 

“Okay,” Harry says, yawning.

 

Sirius reaches down and picks Harry up off of his bed in a huge bear hug and carries him into the hallway, squeezing him tight. “I love you so so so much, kid.”

 

“Sirius,” Harry whines. “Put me down.”

 

Sirius laughs, but he does set Harry down, and then bends down to kiss the top of his head. “I’ll see you soon, love.”

 

“You too,” Harry answers sleepily, heading down the hall into the bathroom.

 

Sirius is left alone, and he decides he probably can’t put this off any longer. He heads downstairs, taking quiet footsteps to assess the situation. He can hear James and Lily’s alternating voices, but it sounds pleasant, nothing like the harsh and tense words from the other night.

 

When he reaches the doorway, he sees James with his apron in his hand, leaning against the fridge. Lily is standing close, her baby bump just inches from James’ own stomach, and they’re looking at each other with those eyes that Sirius has known well for 11 years now. “Hi,” he greets.

 

James’ big brown eyes shoot up to meet his immediately, and Sirius can read the regret in them. After spending nearly his whole life by James’ side, they don’t need to talk for apologies and forgiveness. James’ eyes say it all: that he should never have said any of the horrible things he said, that Sirius is perfectly able to date whoever he chooses, etc. All of Sirius’ anger that was hot and fresh up until that afternoon evaporates and the whole fight seems silly, and just like that, it’s over.

 

“It’s okay,” Sirius says, stepping in to pull James in for a hug. “You dick.”

 

“I am,” James says. “A dick and sorry. A sorry dick.”

 

Sirius laughs and squeezes his best friend, his brother, until the emptiness in the bottom of his stomach floats away. It’s amazing how all of the people he cares about give him such different sensations. Harry makes him feel protective, Lily makes him feel nurtured, Remus makes him feel-- well,  _ fire _ , but James makes him feel like he’s home, and no one else can quite do that. “You are. And it’s okay.”

 

“Thanks for watching Harry,” James tells him, finally releasing his death grip as he eases back away. “I… that’s the part that I know really isn’t okay especially. But you. You know.” James says, giving him those squinty eyes that mean he’s trying very hard to preserve his outward masculine appearance.

 

“I’ll always be here when you need me,” Sirius tells him. “No matter how much of a prick you’re being.”

 

“Thanks,” James says, and there’s a lot in that thank you, there’s gratitude for more than watching Harry or having a big enough heart to forgive him or any of the small things that may have amassed over the past few days of silence. Sirius has done a lot for James over their years of friendship and vice versa; Sirius would do anything for his brother, and in that small moment of eye contact, they’re both surprised by the depth of the strain from the past few days that’s just been lifted.

 

“Go say goodnight to Harry,” Sirius says with a small, tired grin. “He’s missed his dad like crazy.”

 

James smiles like a lunatic at the mention of his son. “Quite mutual,” he says, and then dashes past Sirius up the stairs. 

 

“I’m gonna go,” Sirius says as he turns to look at Lily. “I love Harry but spending all this time with him is a bit exhausting.”

 

“Why do you think James’ hair is starting to go gray?” Lily jokes, leaning in for a hug of her own. “Good luck with Remus. Sleep well. Let me know what happens. I love you,” she says in quick succession.

 

“Love you too, mom,” he teases, pulling back to grab his coat from over the back of a dining room chair. He pulls it on easily. “I’ll keep you updated.”

 

“Good,” she says. Relief is painted over her face. Not from anything he’s said, but just from the diffusion of tension between him and James. He realizes all at once that the hardest thing for any of them about the last week was the two of them fighting. “Good night, love,” she tells him. “Get home safe.”

 

“Always do,” he tells her. “Night.” And then he’s slipping out the front door, leaving home to go back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is super short so I'll probably be updating again in a few days. I thought about connecting them into one chapter but decided against it, so.


	14. Chapter 14

Four days after Harry’s gone back home, Sirius has four unanswered texts sent to Remus and a lot of lost hope. He can’t help moping about his house today when he’s finally off; he’s gotten used to having something to do on his days off, someone to spend time with, but here he is again, watching TV in a pair of sweatpants, eating a bowl of cookie dough ice cream at 3 pm.

 

Lily says he’s depressed, and he’s becoming inclined to agree. It’s hard to fall asleep at night, wondering what he did wrong, thinking about what could have been. He’s been eating a lot of ice cream, too, which Lily told him is funny because it wasn’t really a break up, but it feels a lot worse than a missed connection to Sirius. It feels like a void that he can only attempt to fill with ice cream.

 

So this is how he’s been spending his afternoons off, curled up with a fuzzy blanket watching sad movies on Netflix while he spoons Ben and Jerry’s into his mouth. He’s been  pulling his hair back into a bun, too drained to put his usual effort in, and he feels awful. Lily, James, and Harry are all settled once again, and he tried to go over after work last night, but everything was so concrete between the three of them that he felt like an invader in their little bubble for one of the first times ever. He’s always been welcome in their house and he imagines he still is and still always will be, but there is something about the new baby that is making the word “family” seem distinctly theirs, not his.

 

This is what he’s moping about when there’s a knock on his apartment door. His eyebrows furrow and he checks his phone, but he doesn’t have any messages or missed calls, so he sets his pint of ice cream down, pauses the movie, and makes his way to the front door, undoing both locks.

 

He’s completely surprised when he swings the door open. He thought it would be a package being delivered, or maybe James or Lily, but Remus is standing in front of him, golden hair draped in front of his eyes, looking very abashed. He tugs at the sleeves of his jumper nervously and peers up at Sirius from under his curtain of hair.

 

“Hi,” he says shyly.

 

“Hey,” Sirius says, eyebrows furrowing. “What-- come inside,” he says, stepping aside. “if you want.”

 

“I do,” Remus says, heading gingerly into Sirius’ flat. “Very much.”

 

“So what. Uh,” Sirius stutters once the door is shut behind them.

 

“I’m sorry,” Remus says honestly, gazing apologetically into Sirius’ eyes. “Can we sit and talk?”

 

“Bad talk?” Sirius jokes, but his nerves get the best of him, and it doesn’t sound quite so teasing.

 

“No,” Remus says. “Not at all.”

 

So Sirius leads him to the couch and sits down, facing in so that he and Remus can look at each other as they speak. Remus sits down stiffly. “So what happened?” he asks.

 

Remus looks up at him fully, pushing his hair out of his face, and now Sirius can see what Remus attempted to hide: a big yellowing bruise on his cheekbone.

 

“Oh,” Sirius says. “Remus, I--”

 

“Stop,” he says. “Because this is why I didn’t want to see you when it was bad. I was worried you’d get all sympathetic and ask questions and I just. I don’t want to do that? I don’t want to talk about it. We both know that it’s something that’s happening and I know you’re worried and you know I don’t want to talk about it so just. I don’t want to have to think about it when I’m with you, okay? I want this to be my safe place. I want  _ you _ to be my safe place.”

 

Sirius can’t remember ever hearing Remus talk for that long quite so candidly, and he hopes it doesn’t have to happen again, not like this. “I never meant to make you uncomfortable,” Sirius says. “I feel horrible that it  came across that way. I want to be your safe place, too. I just want to help and I  _ am _ worried, but I would never ever want you to feel like you can’t be around me because you’re afraid I’ll pry.”

 

“It was just. Kind of a vulnerable thing and I knew you would want to talk and I really didn’t want to.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says. As relieved as he is that Remus is back, he feels crushed. He never felt this way with James; he never had to. He wants to be James for Remus, and he can’t help but feel like he’s failed. Remus looks at him with big, unsure eyes. “I want to be here for you no matter what you need. I’ve never had to do this for someone before; when I was younger, all I knew was the other side of this situation. I want to learn, though, I want to be here for you.”

 

Remus exhales deeply, a sigh of relief. “Okay.” he says. “I didn’t want to have even this conversation then, and it all just seemed like a mess to even talk to you, so I didn’t--”

 

“It’s okay,” Sirius says. “I understand. Don’t, you don’t have to apologize.”

 

“But you’re obviously in break up mode,” Remus says, smiling now. “Sweatpants and ice cream, and is that a man bun?”

 

“It is,” Sirius says, grinning back. “I had no one to impress for a few days.”

 

“ Get out of here ,” Remus says, “You don’t have to impress me.”

 

“But I want to,” Sirius offers. “I’m gonna keep trying hard until you think I’m the sexiest man on the planet.”

 

“Maybe after plastic surgery,” Remus says, cracking a wicked smile that sends chills and warmth at once down Sirius’ spine.

 

“Remus Lupin, you monster,” he responds, grinning back. He’s missed this more than he can say, as pathetic as that might be. He loves the banter and Remus’ smiles and the sweet sheen on his lovely pink lips.

 

“I want to talk about something else, too,” Remus says, his voice once again timid, just as Sirius is leaning in a little bit for a kiss. “Not to bring up like, everything in the world to upset you at once.”

 

“I’d rather you get it out in the open,” Sirius tell him. “What’s up?”

 

“It’s about that ‘boyfriend’ comment the other night,” he says. “I don’t think I’m ready for that? Not yet.”

 

And it hurts, but it could be so much worse. Not  _ yet _ . “Okay,” Sirius says.

 

“I care about you a lot but I feel like we’re still  testing the waters . It’s not that I want to see other people or I don’t want to make it exclusive or whatever, it’s just. I don’t want either of us to get hurt I guess? I know I responded well the other night in the heat of the moment, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot since.”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius says. “I totally understand.” Though he really doesn’t. He’s never been one to have commitment issues of any kind, but he wants to accept Remus’ feelings regardless. He pushed on his issues with his parents and that didn’t go well, so he wants to try and be more chill about this. He can see in Remus’ eyes how much he cares and wants to be with him, and that’s enough for him.

 

“But I don’t want you to be upset, okay? I care about you a ton and I want to be with you, just not like that yet. Okay?”

 

Sirius nods. “I want you to be comfortable more than anything else. I’m not mad. Okay?”

 

“Thank god,” Remus says. His whole body seems to lose its rigidity as he relaxes back into the couch. “I want… I want this.”

 

“Me too,” Sirius says. “So we’re okay?”

 

“More than okay,” Remus says, smiling again now as he inches closer on the couch and all but climbs into Sirius’ lap. Sirius winds his strong arms around Remus’ frame, rubbing his fingers comfortingly along Remus’ shoulder blade. “I missed this.”

 

“Me too,” Sirius says fervently. “Like crazy.”

 

Remus grins into his neck for a moment and then cranes his head to peck Sirius on the lips. “I’m glad you weren’t working,” he murmurs against Sirius’ lips. “Lily sent me right over here. She told me you were in quite the state.”

 

“Like I said,” Sirius says, smiling as he leans his forehead on Remus’. “Missed you like crazy.”

 

“But now all I want is to cuddle and watch Netflix,” Remus says. “Or talk. I just want you,” he adds.

 

“Mmh,” Sirius says, “Cuddles and talking sounds  _ wonderful _ .”

 

So they rearrange, lying sideways nose-to-nose on the couch, legs and arms tangled together under Sirius’ blanket. Everything feels so warm and lovely and cozy, like his world is being enveloped in security. Remus’ soft amber eyes soothe the sadness away from his chest as he tells him about Harry and Lily and James and the shop. He forgets that his ice cream is melting on the table, focused instead on Remus’ angelic face.

 

******

 

He wakes up later that afternoon to a dark apartment and a warm mass pressed against his chest. Also a little bit of a back ache from sleeping in a weird position, but he’d make that trade for waking up next to Remus any day.

 

Remus is still asleep, his eyelids fluttering gently as he dreams. Sirius takes the time to soak in his gorgeous features, from his plump pink lips to his big, adorable nose to the sweep of his hair along his forehead. He could see himself getting used to this sight.

 

“Sweetheart,” Sirius purrs, kissing Remus gently on the nose. His eyes flutter open and look into Sirius’ dark and hazy with sleep. “Guess we accidentally took a nap, huh?

 

“Mmh,” Remus murmurs back, stretching lazily. “What  time is it ?”

 

Sirius glances at the clock beneath his TV and kisses Remus’ temple. “Only 5:30,” he says. “What time do you have to be home?”

 

“Nine,” Remus says, cuddling back into Sirius’ chest. “But this feels so wonderful.”

 

“I know,” Sirius all but coos back, ducking his head in to rest on Remus’ soft hair. Everything about Remus is soft; his eyes, his skin, the arch of his back, even his temperament. Sirius feels as though he’s cuddling a big teddy bear. All he wants to do is go back to sleep. “But we should get up,” he murmurs. “We could order in or cook if you want? Are you hungry?”

 

“I guess,” Remus says, nuzzling into Sirius’ neck. “But I also just wanna lay here. You’re so warm,”

 

“Mmh,” Sirius says, leaning his head back as Remus begins to nibble at his skin. Remus’ soft, warm fingertips worm their way underneath Sirius’ shirt, rubbing fire up his back with each touch. “Or maybe we should stay.”

 

“Oh stop,” Remus huffs into the curve of his neck. “I’m just kissing you.”

 

“And it’s very nice,” Sirius says, wiggling closer and winding his arms around Remus. Remus’ tongue licks a trail along the vein in the side of Sirius’ neck and he shivers, sighing happily into the top of Remus’ fluffy golden sleep-mussed hair. “You’re wicked,” he says. “Trying to keep me here all night?”

 

“Is it working?” Remus asks as he bites down hard on the tendon on Sirius’ neck.

 

“Fuck,” he moans. “You’re never leaving.”

 

Remus laughs, leaning his head down on Sirius’ shoulder. “Let’s not put ourselves in this situation all over again,” he jokes.

 

Sirius’ body stiffens just slightly at that remark. He wonders what Remus was thinking when he was walking home that night; he wonders what it was like when he walked in the front door, if his dad was drinking, if Remus fought back, how loud everyone yelled, if anything was broken. He can remember those nights where  all hell broke loose back in his childhood home, his parents making him pick up pieces of ancient, expensive vases barehanded so that the bits of glass would sink into his palms, and he wants anything but that for Remus. No one should have to go through that, but especially not the sweet, selfless boy in his arms now. But he knows he shouldn’t say anything.

 

“I guess we could order in,” Remus mumbles.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“How about Thai?”

 

So he and Remus rummage around in his cabinet for a Thai food menu and call in an order. They watch reruns of The Office on tv while they wait for the delivery, paying much more attention to each other than the show. Neither of them can keep their hands off of each other; all Sirius wants to do is pull Remus close to him and nuzzle into his hair and rub his back soothingly, and Remus seems content to relax sleepily into Sirius’ arms. Sirius feels in constant danger of slipping back into their nap from earlier.

 

When the food comes, they bring it back to the couch. Sirius curls up, sitting with his legs crisscrossed beneath him, while Remus folds his legs. Their knees touch just slightly, just a reminder of each other’s presence, and Remus tells him about his day at school as the each chow down on their favorite Thai dishes. Sirius listens attentively, asking questions, watching Remus’ face carefully. He feels so comfortable, so right, so settled. Remus feels like a permanent fixture in his life, sitting there telling him about the discussion from his literature class that afternoon. He can’t imagine not having that sweet boy, he can’t imagine missing out on afternoon naps or couch cuddles or english class stories or drips of soy sauce on Remus’ t-shirt. It’s all part of Sirius now, part of what makes him who he is and why he’s happy, and he can’t help but grin despite how seriously Remus takes his reading of The Awakening. 

 

Once they’re done eating, Sirius collects their garbage and heads into the kitchen to throw it out while Remus leans back against the couch and relaxes. When Sirius comes back in, he’s just sitting there, totally at peace, eyes closed in tranquility as he cuddles Sirius’ cozy blanket closer to his chest.

 

“You look adorable,” Sirius says, cracking a grin as he steps over to the couch. A deep, heavy blush spreads across Remus’ face, but he has no other reaction. “You still have half an hour before you have to leave.”

 

“I know,” Remus says, opening one eye. His big brown orbs are hazy with sleepiness and comfort.

 

“You know what would be perfect?” Sirius murmurs, slipping down to the couch and under Remus’ blanket. He curls around Remus’ tall, thin frame, absorbing his warmth and soaking in the rays of affection Remus’ one open eye is emitting. 

 

“What’s that?” Remus asks. His body seems to turn to mush against Sirius’, melting into all the available spaces until Sirius stomach is tossing and turning and the whole of his body is filled with gentle, hot tingles.

 

“A half hour of cuddling,” Sirius proposes, leaning in to nip Remus’ earlobe. Remus grins widely, eyes still closed. He holds his hand out and Sirius gently places his own palm inside, lining each of his fingers up with Remus. It feels like two ends of a circuit meeting, and suddenly the electricity flows effortlessly between them, lighting up their touching palms. “Look,” Sirius says quietly. “Your hands are huge.”

 

“Because you’re tiny,” Remus answers, finally picking his head up to look at their hands. “Look, you’re like a good 6 inches shorter than me so of course my fingers are longer.”

 

“6 inches. It’s not that much,” Sirius protests, “You’re exaggerating.”

 

“Mmh, if you say so. You know the truth, though,” Remus says, smirking as he dips his head down to kiss Sirius’ smaller hand. “And you know what else they say about small hands.”

 

“You shut up,” Sirius says, grinning. “We’re not going there with this.”

 

Remus laughs, twining their fingers together as he looks up at Sirius. “Self conscious?”

 

“Not in the slightest,” Sirius says, “I just want to cuddle for a while without talking about dicks.”

 

Remus laughs again, ducking his head down to rest on Sirius’ shoulder. He turns to rest his cheek down, kissing Sirius’ jaw just below his ear. “But I like talking about cocks,” Remus murmurs. “Especially yours.”

 

“Remus,” Sirius groans. “Do you wanna get home on time tonight or not?”

 

“Mmh… I don’t  _ want _ to but I suppose I have to. Although I do have like 15 minutes left to stay and seduce you.”

 

“You’re awful,” he says, “I might kick you out right now.”

 

“No,” Remus begs, picking his head up.  His big, sad puppy eyes stare right into Sirius’, but all Sirius can pay attention to is the grin Remus is trying hard to conceal. He’s so cute, focusing all his attention on Sirius like that, pressing the warmth of his body against Sirius’, and he dips in to kiss him, catching Remus’ half-grinning mouth by surprise. He catches up quickly, rubbing his tongue gently against Sirius’. They melt into each other, Sirius’ hands curling around Remus’ back to rub soothing circles against his shoulder blade. Remus’ fingers grip the back of his head, holding him close. 

 

When Remus finally eases the muscles in his fingers and drops his hand down to Sirius’ shoulder, they both feel so warm and comfortable and secure, sealed away in their own little bubble under the blanket on Sirius’ couch.

 

“This was very nice,” Sirius murmurs. “You should come over again soon.”

 

“That sounds lovely,” Remus says, pecking Sirius softly on the cheek. “I’ll let you know when I can.”

 

“I wish you could sleep over some time,” Sirius murmurs, nuzzling Remus’ neck. “Would love to wake up to your lovely face in the morning.”

 

“Stop,” Remus says. Sirius can feel his grin against his cheek. “You’re ridiculous.”

 

“I’m serious,” Sirius says, kissing Remus’ neck softly. All the little hairs stand on end, showing how alert and attentive Remus is to any and all of Sirius’ touches. 

 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to any time soon,” Remus says honestly, his body stiffening up slightly.

 

“It’s okay,” Sirius answers, “Relax, it’s not a big deal. I’d love to see you and nap with you whenever you can.”

 

“Nap with me?” Remus grins.

 

“Well, those boyfriend pillows were expensive, so,” Sirius jokes. 

 

Remus laughs softly and deeply, his warm breath tickling Sirius’ cheek. “I think I have to go, though.”

 

“I know,” Sirius says as Remus begins standing up. He stretches as he watches Remus straighten his clothes and then begin to put his shoes back on. “Hmm, but I wish you could stay,” he says when a small strip of Remus’ back shows. “You’re so warm and lovely.”

 

“Mmh, you are too, love,” he says, offering a hand to Sirius. He takes it and stands, then grabs Remus’ face between his hands and kisses him hard on the lips.

 

“Walk home safe, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Remus says, a small mushy smile forming on his lips.

 

“Let me know when you get home, too.”

 

“‘Course, love,” Remus answers, leaning in to rub his nose against Sirius’. “Good night.”

 

“Night, Remus,” he says, voice low and soft, and then Remus is pulling away and out the door, and Sirius is left with a mess of blankets on his couch and an empty, cold bed.


End file.
